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Post by tnr9 on Jan 6, 2022 0:08:42 GMT
Keeping the door open isn’t necessarily a sign of maturity….it depends on the intent…many, many insecurely attached individuals keep the door open hoping for a second chance and then end up engaging in the push pull dynamic, but without the commitment. Fair enough. That's why I specifically said * keeping the doors open for friendship * To me, it means proof of growth, emotional maturity, healing And it can also be used as a measuring tool to check where the agenda is - especially since AP's are expert in lying to themselves and creating strategies to hold on to the object of desire My door is open for the FA I last had a situation with Each time he comes offering a 'ticket' fort the 'rollercoaster' ride, I have an opportunity to access where I am at and reinforce to myself my core desire for romance and I do not sway, if anything it makes me stronger But keeping the door open for “friendship” is what a lot of insecure people do…and unfortunately…it becomes just another avenue to get their needs met but without having any accountability. It also can prevent people from moving on to another partner. |
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Post by krolle on Jan 6, 2022 12:07:22 GMT
Again you arn't wrong, it does depend on intent. I really do want to be friends but I acknowledge that my insecure attachment gets in the way. Not in the sense that I'm hoping for a second chance...but that I still haven't fully tamed that AP activation that does get hopeful. I don't expect that one day he will suddenly want to be with me, but there still is a knee jerk reaction to positive signals (i.e. says something flirtatious/playful). Brene brown has a really excellent way of dealing with assumptions…she calls it out…”the story in my head is….”….I have used this technique often when I find myself jumping to conclusions without enough information. Since our brains can’t distinguish between a story and reality when it comes to reactions and emotions…calling out the story for what it is gives you a chance to check in if your emotions are more then the situation would reasonably allow. Just a suggestion. 🙂 I wish I was able listen to brene browns stuff. But something about her triggers the hell out of me. |
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