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Post by discoveringme on Nov 11, 2017 1:17:15 GMT
Any successful strategies for managing abandonment/rejection anxiety?
Self-talk in a mirror:
saying things like I am worthy of a loving relationshing;
saying my abandonment in childhood is stirring my anxiety and fear, because I am worthy of love and know that she loves me;
saying even if it ends I will be fine, either alone or with ano there partner; my worth to me is not tied to a relationship;
saying my abandonment in childhood is stirring my anxiety and fear, I need to work on being loving toward myself.
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Post by discoveringme on Nov 11, 2017 1:36:36 GMT
In my current situation with my FA girlfriend, I also say to myself that it is ok to have the feeling or even mixed feelings (e.g., fearing it is over, missing her etc.) that I care about the relationship and that I should sit with the feeling or feelings rather than fight to avoid them.
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Post by jayber on Dec 16, 2017 12:32:10 GMT
I'm not sure it's a quick fix strategy as such, but it's come from years of caring for myself, loving myself and putting myself first in the world before anyone else. When you love and care for yourself first, you know how to authentically love, trust and forgive people back. When I'm rejected, I allow the feelings to sit with me instead of run away from them or try to find something (or someone) else to fix them. I allow myself to feel sad about it, but because I've learned to love myself so much, I can move on quite quickly. Somehow I've found a way to not take rejection too personally or seriously because the most important relationship you'll ever have (i.e. with yourself) is on top form. As some context I've earned myself a Secure attachment type from being Anxious / Chaotic. It took a few years of therapy and uncovering childhood emotional and physical abuse. Only wish I had figure all this stuff out when I was younger, but it's quite fun now exploring dating and learning new things about myself and others.  |
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Lola
Junior Member
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Post by Lola on Jan 18, 2018 9:20:21 GMT
Any successful strategies for managing abandonment/rejection anxiety? Self-talk in a mirror: saying things like I am worthy of a loving relationshing; saying my abandonment in childhood is stirring my anxiety and fear, because I am worthy of love and know that she loves me; saying even if it ends I will be fine, either alone or with ano there partner; my worth to me is not tied to a relationship; saying my abandonment in childhood is stirring my anxiety and fear, I need to work on being loving toward myself. Try snapping out of it. You absolutely can!! It just takes practice. Tell yourself "what am I thinking?? This isn't me. This is my attachment style". I found this really useful since I had anorexia and those intrusive thoughts felt like my own, but they're not. It's the disease. Since I recovered I don't have them anymore. I used this technique with anxiety and it works! Just not instantly and always, but over time it gets more effective. Separate you from your attachment style. It's not you! It's a part of you, and a part of you should not rule the entirety of you! |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 1, 2018 19:29:20 GMT
I'm still struggling with this big time. Rejection and fear of abandonment are still very strong in me. But my reactions are slightly less extreme than in the past: I notice that by how these epidoes of intense sadness and fear don't last as long as they used to be.
I experienced rejection a few weeks ago. I haven't ended up in a deep depression like I would have had years ago (even though I'm close to it, but I manage to pull back every time).
After the recent rejection, I cried for almost a whole day. The only thing that helped is that I tried not to fight it as much as I could have. I decided more or less consciously to let the feelings engulf me and keep some sort of fledging compassion in the background. I tried to tell myself that it was ok and normal to be sad and feel abandonned, but that these intense feelings would go over.
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 3, 2018 21:12:03 GMT
I'm still struggling with this big time. Rejection and fear of abandonment are still very strong in me. But my reactions are slightly less extreme than in the past: I notice that by how these epidoes of intense sadness and fear don't last as long as they used to be. I experienced rejection a few weeks ago. I haven't ended up in a deep depression like I would have had years ago (even though I'm close to it, but I manage to pull back every time). After the recent rejection, I cried for almost a whole day. The only thing that helped is that I tried not to fight it as much as I could have. I decided more or less consciously to let the feelings engulf me and keep some sort of fledging compassion in the background. I tried to tell myself that it was ok and normal to be sad and feel abandonned, but that these intense feelings would go over. The fear of rejection and abandonment is less about what others do to you and more about your personal narrative. The things you tell yourself and how you think of yourself. If these are problematic to such a degree, I would recommend considering the option of professional help with this issue if you haven't already. |
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Post by alpenglow on Feb 3, 2018 21:33:01 GMT
That is true. "It's only in our head!". This is what happens when ones keep reliving past abandonment episodes, some of them true (from childhood).
I am getting professional help already (but frustrated with it).
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Lola
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by Lola on Feb 24, 2018 11:53:06 GMT
I'm still struggling with this big time. Rejection and fear of abandonment are still very strong in me. But my reactions are slightly less extreme than in the past: I notice that by how these epidoes of intense sadness and fear don't last as long as they used to be. I experienced rejection a few weeks ago. I haven't ended up in a deep depression like I would have had years ago (even though I'm close to it, but I manage to pull back every time). After the recent rejection, I cried for almost a whole day. The only thing that helped is that I tried not to fight it as much as I could have. I decided more or less consciously to let the feelings engulf me and keep some sort of fledging compassion in the background. I tried to tell myself that it was ok and normal to be sad and feel abandonned, but that these intense feelings would go over. The fear of rejection and abandonment is less about what others do to you and more about your personal narrative. The things you tell yourself and how you think of yourself. If these are problematic to such a degree, I would recommend considering the option of professional help with this issue if you haven't already. Wow. Couldn't have said better |
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