Post by alexandra on Feb 5, 2022 23:12:21 GMT
This is the over and undercoupling thread. Another one that I think should be a pinned post lol.
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/2372/overcoupling-stress-response
The reason you respond this way to him is the same high-level reason anxious and avoidant insecure attachers subconsciously always seem to find their way to each other. I'd read more about the sources and dynamics of the anxious/avoidant trap.
Having narcissistic parents doesn't at all mean you developed narcissistic tendencies. While it can happen, it's also quite often the opposite because you get used to learning to navigate being belittled and deprioritized in order to prop up other people. However, having parents with NPD plus a primary caretaker (your grandmother) with other mental health issues would have likely created a situation in childhood where you couldn't get your emotional needs met with any consistency. And there was no one to regulate your nervous system in a healthy way in the earliest years, or to teach you a healthy sense of self in regards to appropriate boundaries with others, or self-regulation when you were old enough to do so (a few years old). NPD narcissists can't teach this at all because they have no boundaries and see others as extensions of themselves.
In addition to the over/under coupling thread and digging more into anxious/avoidant trap dynamics, I'd recommend looking into how those with NPD commonly impact close family members. And if you don't already have a therapist, find one who has expertise in this space. It has an enormous impact that, again, is not intuitive when it just seems normal to you because you've known it for your whole life. I didn't start realizing how ridiculous the multi generational trauma impact was on my entire extended family, and how much damage only one or two people could do, until I was around 30 years old. From my experiences, research, and observations, being in close proximity to family members with personality disorders, major mental illness, or addiction does a huge number on people's emotional health and relationship abilities, even if they don't have the genetic disposition to have any of those issues themselves.
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/2372/overcoupling-stress-response
The reason you respond this way to him is the same high-level reason anxious and avoidant insecure attachers subconsciously always seem to find their way to each other. I'd read more about the sources and dynamics of the anxious/avoidant trap.
Having narcissistic parents doesn't at all mean you developed narcissistic tendencies. While it can happen, it's also quite often the opposite because you get used to learning to navigate being belittled and deprioritized in order to prop up other people. However, having parents with NPD plus a primary caretaker (your grandmother) with other mental health issues would have likely created a situation in childhood where you couldn't get your emotional needs met with any consistency. And there was no one to regulate your nervous system in a healthy way in the earliest years, or to teach you a healthy sense of self in regards to appropriate boundaries with others, or self-regulation when you were old enough to do so (a few years old). NPD narcissists can't teach this at all because they have no boundaries and see others as extensions of themselves.
In addition to the over/under coupling thread and digging more into anxious/avoidant trap dynamics, I'd recommend looking into how those with NPD commonly impact close family members. And if you don't already have a therapist, find one who has expertise in this space. It has an enormous impact that, again, is not intuitive when it just seems normal to you because you've known it for your whole life. I didn't start realizing how ridiculous the multi generational trauma impact was on my entire extended family, and how much damage only one or two people could do, until I was around 30 years old. From my experiences, research, and observations, being in close proximity to family members with personality disorders, major mental illness, or addiction does a huge number on people's emotional health and relationship abilities, even if they don't have the genetic disposition to have any of those issues themselves.
