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Post by crazyhorse on Feb 16, 2022 20:16:10 GMT
I have been dating an avoidant for almost 3 years and it definitely is a cycle; it was a dream in the beginning then after about 6 months she started getting distant. I asked and she said I was paranoid. It progressed and she broke up with me...then realized she "loves" me and "misses me" and came back with the "love bombing. 2nd time she broke up I made plans the next day to hang out with a friend to distract myself having learned my lesson and when she found out she blew my phone up all night crying about me "moving on" got back together. 6TH time I made plans to go hang out at a bar with friends, she decided to go too since we were still "friends," she wore this sexy black dress that she knew was my favorite to make sure that my eyes were on her all night and danced all over me. The 7th time she asked me to come over to "hang out and talk" I looked her straight in the eye and told her that I was going to be ok no matter what she decided. I had never done that before and I could see the panic in her eyes. She spent the entire night crying and needed me to stay with her. This time we have been broke up about 3 days and she's texted, asked me to come over the other day to let our "dogs" spend time together. She was drinking a lot and threw up while I was there so I took care of her while she clung to me. Next day, back to distance. I am going to have minimal contact and I am starting a meditation class to help me center myself. I love her and eventually want to be with her. Half of the day I spend wondering if she will come back again when she sees I am bettering myself and the other half I spend realizing how one sided the relationship was. Every time she had to "work on her", Every time she would say things to make me think that she was "done" with the relationship, Every time she has come back after realizing that she was "madly in love with me" and just didn't know how to handle it. Every time I jumped back in  |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 16, 2022 21:31:08 GMT
I have been dating an avoidant for almost 3 years and it definitely is a cycle; it was a dream in the beginning then after about 6 months she started getting distant. I asked and she said I was paranoid. It progressed and she broke up with me...then realized she "loves" me and "misses me" and came back with the "love bombing. 2nd time she broke up I made plans the next day to hang out with a friend to distract myself having learned my lesson and when she found out she blew my phone up all night crying about me "moving on" got back together. 6TH time I made plans to go hang out at a bar with friends, she decided to go too since we were still "friends," she wore this sexy black dress that she knew was my favorite to make sure that my eyes were on her all night and danced all over me. The 7th time she asked me to come over to "hang out and talk" I looked her straight in the eye and told her that I was going to be ok no matter what she decided. I had never done that before and I could see the panic in her eyes. She spent the entire night crying and needed me to stay with her. This time we have been broke up about 3 days and she's texted, asked me to come over the other day to let our "dogs" spend time together. She was drinking a lot and threw up while I was there so I took care of her while she clung to me. Next day, back to distance. I am going to have minimal contact and I am starting a meditation class to help me center myself. I love her and eventually want to be with her. Half of the day I spend wondering if she will come back again when she sees I am bettering myself and the other half I spend realizing how one sided the relationship was. Every time she had to "work on her", Every time she would say things to make me think that she was "done" with the relationship, Every time she has come back after realizing that she was "madly in love with me" and just didn't know how to handle it. Every time I jumped back in  So this doesn’t sound like it is just attachment issues….but regardless….you see the pattern between the two of you and you are still allowing her access to you….why haven’t you blocked her from having any access to you…social media, phone number etc? Put another way…what are getting out of this drama filled situation? . I love her and eventually want to be with her. and right here is your issue…you can care about someone and still recognize that the person is not a good fit. It takes years for attachment issues to be worked on…not simply days or weeks…so in part it seems you get hopeful that things have changed when there hasn’t been enough time for any change to occur..so when she repeats the pattern, it should not be a surprise. My honest suggestion is to take a 3 month break from each other….and honestly I would recommend more time…but 3 months allows both of you to start working out your own individual insecure issues. I would recommend that both of you consider therapists (different ones for obvious reasons) to work through your anxious and her anxious/avoidant issues. It should be a time when you focus on healing your insecurity. |
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