I'm not seeing where she's DA here? You said you've known her a long time, did she routinely display DA patterns prior to Thanksgiving?
DA don't come on strong then back off. They move very slowly and test the waters, usually needing some pushing to get involved. Usually, the only people willing to consistently push long enough to get involved are AP or FA who are leaning anxious, hence the anxious-avoidant trap relationship pairing being common.
Anyway, it sounds like she was excited about the potential but then after you got together in person she wasn't sure you're compatible. But since you're long distance and both busy, maybe she hasn't entirely thrown in the towel and will see how it goes after the move. Or maybe she's lost some interest and isn't actively putting in as much effort.
I'd wait and see what happens after she moves (which includes her having some time to settle in, moving to new places is busy!) and you can actually date in person and get to know each other better that way. Long distance is difficult and can leave a lot of room for projection, guesswork, and fantasy if you're starting off that way and don't already know each other pretty well. If it fizzles out, it fizzles out. But I don't automatically see her attachment style driving this and am not convinced she's avoidant or DA specifically only from the information in your post.
There is quite a bit I've left out on the basis of brevity.
I've read/heard differently regarding DAs. They are very normal with their pursuits in the beginning and the second someone expresses more interest, they then deactivate. That would be the case in this situation.
Her DA tendencies:
- The biggest was when I explained that I liked her and she got somewhat upset. I asked if she wanted to continue this and she never responded chalking it up to her being shy and then said she was "shocked and appauled".
- She was very shy with intimacy in person which is fine, she eventually opened up a bit but said she "likes attention on her own terms".
- She doesn't reveal much about herself at all when we have conversations. She really relies on me to drive the conversation. She's a fantastic listener and asks follow ups but it's very difficult to get her to open up at all. This is very common for shy girls but also DAs. She kind of refuses to open up about much, namely her emotions.
- She feels criticized over a lot of random things. I am a very sarcastic person but sometimes she doesn't pick up on the joke and even gets upset over random things I never even saw.
- When I saw her in person, she seemed to close down over random things and never really discussed it. I'd kind of ignore it and she'd snap out of it a couple hours later.
- The only way she's shown her interest is with the subtle hints, complimenting me (I'm not a big compliment guy), and I guess just contacting me.
- She's terrible with making any kind of plans. I low key enjoy this as it allows me to lead as a man but this also applies to setting facetime dates, holding her to any kind of any consistent thing. She very much opposes any kind of pressure to do something, no matter how minute it is.
- Her ignoring specific questions altogether, responding with something that doesn't acknowledge the bid at all.
- The closer we became, the closer she kind of changed her behavior. She is naturally a loud/outspoken person and this is how I've always historically known her. However, as we grew closer she became significantly more nervous which is what I saw when I visited.
- She's fiercely independent (which I love). She has a high-powered job and is a workaholic (I'm similar and need someone who is the same).
- She's very blunt and sometimes even a bit harsh (which I like, I'm somewhat similar).
- Overall, she's very social but won't emotionally connect.
Judging by this video, she matches the majority of the traits:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eph9Z96NF4EI could agree that maybe she lost interest after us seeing each other in person. That's valid and very possible. We had a great trip however after that awkward first night and she did resume contact as usual the following week. I've never pursued her very hard, never double texted or tried to set up calls too much. I've kind of just gone at her pace, maybe slower the whole time. So I'm not sure what led to her getting back to normal and slowly withdrawing. She's still spoken about hanging out in the future, doing stuff together, etc so I think she was still there after I visited.
Despite her breaking a lot of patterns and pulling away potentially, I'll take your advice and give it another week since she should be done moving. Maybe she just doesn't deal with stress very well and didn't communicate she'd be MIA. I do sense she's lost some interest however. So if after a week she's not back in it, I'll probably walk away.
Long distance is certainly difficult, especially with a shy, potentially DA woman.