Post by anne12 on Mar 9, 2022 18:28:31 GMT
There are 3 systems running when making love:
When having sex, the tension in ans increases. This can trigger trauma as trauma connects with intensity
Attatchment
Sexuality
Survival
Testosterone gives sex drive. Greater sex drive but less connection./attatchment.
Look at Robert Sternberg's love triangle about intimacy.
Intimacy:
We can be intimate in an emotional way with good deep conversations,
Physical intimacy
Sensuality
How to become better at intimacy:
Intimacy provides attraction and ignition
when there is respect for each other's boundaries
Polarity between the feminine and the masculine causes attraction
Love making when there is intimacy, respect, care, empathy ect.:
Eye Contact
Heart contact (can feel like a deep soul contact)
An experience of connectedness
Empathy
Openness and freedom to express, give and receive, ask for what you dream of and to ask what your partner would like
Space to play, experiment and laugh
Shame is put outside the door
The most important thing is not performance and orgasm, but togetherness, contact and enjoyment in the present moment
What blocks intimacy and good lovemaking:
In the individual:
Shame (also about sexuality -
a person whose parents have been very liberal or very uptight - underweight / overweight) ect.
Poor self-esteem (body, emotions, thoughts)
Attatchment pattern and carater structures
Ambivalent - avoidant - desorganized jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37325/ jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37326/ jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37323/
]Stress and trauma
- Too Many Stress Hormones Can Drain Sexual Desire. Others may Want More Sex to Relieve the Nervous System When Stressed out
Trauma and shock trauma can cause the nervous system to shut down so that you don't have as much energy available or IT creates more sexdrive
Too little sleep or lack of good sleep - especially the feminine energy is hurting (small children ect.)
Lack of exercise
Malnutrition, deficiency - vitamins and minerals, underweight - can go beyond hormone production, malnutrition (obesity)
Medicine
Deasises
Within the couple:
Lack of respect - especially if the feminine loses respect for the masculine
Lack of intimacy physically or emotionally
Lack of presence
Lack of couple time together
Lack of polarity
Lack of renewal in beroomd or in daily life
The power struggle phase - including anger, sadness, boundaries - you stop trying...you think more about yourself and your own needs
Needs behind sex:
Testorone
To feel masculine / feminine
Confirmation
- the relationship is right
- physically my body is delicious
- defective self-esteem
Admiration - to be a good lover
Either one is good at opening one's heart or one is good at being sexual and seductive. Both gives problem in relationships. Can only be healed in a relationship. (The fifth caracter structure)
- you can't do without me
Discharge ans
Experience intimacy / closeness
The secure:
Free to explore his sexuality Ect.
Ambivalent:
May be too preoccupied with sex to protect against rejection, hold on to their partner
Sometimes uses sex as confirmation
They confuse the amount of sex with how much they are loved
Sex overactivates the attachment system. They forget themselves both during sex and after sex
The avoidant:
Random non-committal sex suits them best
The intimacy ability is blocked / restricted
Maintains emotional distance
May have difficulty sensing the body
They have difficulty with eye contact as they have experienced angry or stressed eyes
Repeats the old story of not meeting their needs
During sex, they deactivates the attachment system
Disorganized:
Shifts between disabling and activating of the attatchment system
Some likes kinky sex, bondage / SM ect
Boundaries are a problem
Power / powerlessness Struggles
Love making when there is intimacy, respect, care, empathy ect.:
Eye Contact
Heart contact (can feel like a deep soul contact)
An experience of connectedness
Empathy
Openness and freedom to express, give and receive, ask for what you dream of and to ask what your partner would like
Space to play, experiment and laugh
Shame is put outside the door
The most important thing is not performance and orgasm, but togetherness, contact and enjoyment in the present moment
Talk together as a couple using the good conversation:
What points do you find easy to practise?
each of you ?
and together ?
What points do you find difficult?
each of you ?
and together ?
What can and will you do?
each of you ?
and together to get better at these points
Learn the Voo breath technique that instantly reduces stress in the system, tones the vagus nerve, and creates coherency in the system.
- Be guided through the Voo breath technique
It also helps to release shame
jebkinnisonforum.com/post/36607/
When having sex, the tension in ans increases. This can trigger trauma as trauma connects with intensity
Attatchment
Sexuality
Survival
Testosterone gives sex drive. Greater sex drive but less connection./attatchment.
Look at Robert Sternberg's love triangle about intimacy.
Intimacy:
We can be intimate in an emotional way with good deep conversations,
Physical intimacy
Sensuality
How to become better at intimacy:
Intimacy provides attraction and ignition
when there is respect for each other's boundaries
Polarity between the feminine and the masculine causes attraction
Love making when there is intimacy, respect, care, empathy ect.:
Eye Contact
Heart contact (can feel like a deep soul contact)
An experience of connectedness
Empathy
Openness and freedom to express, give and receive, ask for what you dream of and to ask what your partner would like
Space to play, experiment and laugh
Shame is put outside the door
The most important thing is not performance and orgasm, but togetherness, contact and enjoyment in the present moment
What blocks intimacy and good lovemaking:
In the individual:
Shame (also about sexuality -
a person whose parents have been very liberal or very uptight - underweight / overweight) ect.
Poor self-esteem (body, emotions, thoughts)
Attatchment pattern and carater structures
Ambivalent - avoidant - desorganized jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37325/ jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37326/ jebkinnisonforum.com/post/37323/
]Stress and trauma
- Too Many Stress Hormones Can Drain Sexual Desire. Others may Want More Sex to Relieve the Nervous System When Stressed out
Trauma and shock trauma can cause the nervous system to shut down so that you don't have as much energy available or IT creates more sexdrive
Too little sleep or lack of good sleep - especially the feminine energy is hurting (small children ect.)
Lack of exercise
Malnutrition, deficiency - vitamins and minerals, underweight - can go beyond hormone production, malnutrition (obesity)
Medicine
Deasises
Within the couple:
Lack of respect - especially if the feminine loses respect for the masculine
Lack of intimacy physically or emotionally
Lack of presence
Lack of couple time together
Lack of polarity
Lack of renewal in beroomd or in daily life
The power struggle phase - including anger, sadness, boundaries - you stop trying...you think more about yourself and your own needs
Needs behind sex:
Testorone
To feel masculine / feminine
Confirmation
- the relationship is right
- physically my body is delicious
- defective self-esteem
Admiration - to be a good lover
Either one is good at opening one's heart or one is good at being sexual and seductive. Both gives problem in relationships. Can only be healed in a relationship. (The fifth caracter structure)
- you can't do without me
Discharge ans
Experience intimacy / closeness
The secure:
Free to explore his sexuality Ect.
Ambivalent:
May be too preoccupied with sex to protect against rejection, hold on to their partner
Sometimes uses sex as confirmation
They confuse the amount of sex with how much they are loved
Sex overactivates the attachment system. They forget themselves both during sex and after sex
The avoidant:
Random non-committal sex suits them best
The intimacy ability is blocked / restricted
Maintains emotional distance
May have difficulty sensing the body
They have difficulty with eye contact as they have experienced angry or stressed eyes
Repeats the old story of not meeting their needs
During sex, they deactivates the attachment system
Disorganized:
Shifts between disabling and activating of the attatchment system
Some likes kinky sex, bondage / SM ect
Boundaries are a problem
Power / powerlessness Struggles
Love making when there is intimacy, respect, care, empathy ect.:
Eye Contact
Heart contact (can feel like a deep soul contact)
An experience of connectedness
Empathy
Openness and freedom to express, give and receive, ask for what you dream of and to ask what your partner would like
Space to play, experiment and laugh
Shame is put outside the door
The most important thing is not performance and orgasm, but togetherness, contact and enjoyment in the present moment
Talk together as a couple using the good conversation:
What points do you find easy to practise?
each of you ?
and together ?
What points do you find difficult?
each of you ?
and together ?
What can and will you do?
each of you ?
and together to get better at these points
Learn the Voo breath technique that instantly reduces stress in the system, tones the vagus nerve, and creates coherency in the system.
- Be guided through the Voo breath technique
It also helps to release shame
jebkinnisonforum.com/post/36607/