Post by ctlguy260 on Mar 14, 2022 0:31:53 GMT
Hi- I am new here and just thankfully discovered this forum.
I am wanting to learn more about FA ex's as I just went through a year with my ex.
The biggest part of my confusion is the chemistry we had. We are both 45. Our first date last 5 hours and it was like old friends connecting from the very first sentence. Is was so great that she actually flew in for Thanksgiving to my families after 3 dates. My family loved her from the get go and vice versa. I have never been married and I can say she was the first person I could see myself with long term. Her family and kids loved me and they even joined my family on what her kids said "was the best vacation ever and they wanted to be a part of out family". When I say we laughed, it was every day, ever conversation....even crying laughing. She literally became my best friend and she once told me "no one has ever loved her like I did". About 6 months in she over heard my mom on the phone asking me "if she thinks we will get married". Her words were, "does your mom know that may never happen, I dont even think about it". The relationship was still great after but something shifted and I could make sense of it. Ultimately around our anniversary she actually booked a trip to see her friend and said we could grab dinner when she gets back. It bothered me but she had a hard time opening up and we only talked via text and email at that point about it. Her stance was, she couldnt give me what I needed, and she didnt see herself ever getting married again. She was divorced 2.5 yrs from a classic narc which she admitted has wounded her. I tried to work it out but it just driver her further away after we were off and on a few times. I HAD a secure attachment to her up until that point and totally had no control. Why it took so long to see is that we never argued at all so everything was good.
Its been a month and I had done a lot of reading. Reality set in that she is merely not capable of being of a intimate relationship right now and it would never work any time soon. I have had issues from my past that it took years to overcome so I empathize. The problem is the end was nagging and she totally ran, but said if we are ever to be friends it will have to be organically. I truly miss the friendship we had and want to know if there are too many pitfalls in trying.
I am wanting to learn more about FA ex's as I just went through a year with my ex.
The biggest part of my confusion is the chemistry we had. We are both 45. Our first date last 5 hours and it was like old friends connecting from the very first sentence. Is was so great that she actually flew in for Thanksgiving to my families after 3 dates. My family loved her from the get go and vice versa. I have never been married and I can say she was the first person I could see myself with long term. Her family and kids loved me and they even joined my family on what her kids said "was the best vacation ever and they wanted to be a part of out family". When I say we laughed, it was every day, ever conversation....even crying laughing. She literally became my best friend and she once told me "no one has ever loved her like I did". About 6 months in she over heard my mom on the phone asking me "if she thinks we will get married". Her words were, "does your mom know that may never happen, I dont even think about it". The relationship was still great after but something shifted and I could make sense of it. Ultimately around our anniversary she actually booked a trip to see her friend and said we could grab dinner when she gets back. It bothered me but she had a hard time opening up and we only talked via text and email at that point about it. Her stance was, she couldnt give me what I needed, and she didnt see herself ever getting married again. She was divorced 2.5 yrs from a classic narc which she admitted has wounded her. I tried to work it out but it just driver her further away after we were off and on a few times. I HAD a secure attachment to her up until that point and totally had no control. Why it took so long to see is that we never argued at all so everything was good.
Its been a month and I had done a lot of reading. Reality set in that she is merely not capable of being of a intimate relationship right now and it would never work any time soon. I have had issues from my past that it took years to overcome so I empathize. The problem is the end was nagging and she totally ran, but said if we are ever to be friends it will have to be organically. I truly miss the friendship we had and want to know if there are too many pitfalls in trying.
