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Post by pinkbarracuda on May 31, 2022 19:48:51 GMT
Hello everyone, This is my first post. I'm hoping you can help me understand why my former boyfriend ended our relationship. Me: Female/57/secure attachment with minor anxious/FA style He: 54/Anxious style/FA at break up/highly sensitive & passive and introverted We were together 3 months, very loving, committed, conflict free relationship. We each professed love daily, verbally, text and letters. I have 3 decades of 12 step Al-Anon recovery and quite secure as a result. I have a strong self of self, apply appropriate boundaries and not needy. He has never been in therapy and displayed anxnious/nervous tendancies and a big fear of "failing me". His family dynamic was undemonstrative parents who never showed physical or verbal affection to him, never said I love you or hugs. He felt he'd always disappointed them in career choice and other areas. He married an alcoholic (10 years), followed 15 yr partnership with an adult child who was very insecure and dominant, and a brief 8 mo. relationship with a pill addict. He felt he may have OCD and possibly Aspergers, though I saw it as being an HSP trait (Highly sensitive person - a sensory trait of over-arousal tendencies, and empath feelings). He has a structured daily routine which he said provides him with structure. I was his fourth relationship. He was attracted to my recovery mindset and placed me on a pedestal, always hoping to "evolve" with me. He said several times his greatest fear was to fail me. He never did and I reasusured him of that. We'd had a few text message misunderstandings - minor to me, but not to him. He'd over apologize for the confusion and take it hard. A few times I'd have my minor avoidant pull backs that would last an hour or so when I'd feel overwhelmed by deeper feelings of love, which I'd explained to him. Always temporary and said it was nothing to do with him. Again, he couldn't not take it hard. My avoidance comes from being hurt in the past, but I've learned through recovery to process. I am very comfortable with being vulnerable and shared much more than he did. He did share a cutting experience in his teens when he was rejected by his first love and some other personal experiences. Recently, his father informed him he has dementia and he invited me to go to their state to meet his parents. We went for a week, also stopped to meet my son and brother. It was very good trip and brought us closer. Two days after, he broke up with me when I'd asked him via text what he thought the percentage he'd give for us being together a year from then. (My anxiety speaking). He said 90%, and I tool that poorly, replying with  Damn. He explained his reasoning, and I did not reply as I was working. Three hours later I went to his home to speak to him about it because I 'felt' it was a big deal to him - another time when we had a difference of opinion that would cause him to become upset. When I arrived his face looked like he'd seen a ghost - pale, frozen. His body was stilted, almost frozen. He was not himself at all. He spoke in broken sentences and I couldn't understand him. He said he thought he wasn't the man for me because he was too pessimistic and I was so positive. (assuming the 90% response was him being negative). I said I disagreed and tried to get him back to a baseline and asked how did he feel about me. "Well, I like you". I was shocked. His voice was not normal and his body language scared me. I said "You loved me this morning when we spoke. You loved me last night and all these months." He nodded his head yes. I said but now, you don't love me. He shook his head no. I left. He was totally shutdown with what I feel like was a trauma response of flight/fright/freeze. Two days later I called him and asked for more clarification. He first gave the "we had so many ups and downs and I felt I had to work harder to keep it up". We never had a fight or a cross word ever, so I could only imagine he meant the 3 text misunderstandings/ and my quiet periods of pull back. When I countered that with my perspective, he added more excuses that I had criticized his relationship with his mother, which never happened. I never criticized him on anything. Then he said his feelings just changed. I asked, how does that happen, he replied "When I make this decison, they just stop". It was just shocking to hear this. He lated emailed saying "I'm sorry. I failed. I lost my courage. I have no more answers". We've had minimal text/email contact in the last 2 months where he was cold, unfeeling, and expressed no care for my feelings. He was such a gentle, thoughtful and considerate partner, it's just such a shock to me. I feel he felt he'd failed me, as he failed his father to whom he also put on a pedestal, and was triggered by that and completely shut down. I had seen no previous avoidant behavior at all. Could this be a case of disassociating as a result of trauma trigged F/F/F? I thank you for sharing your experiences. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2022 20:43:40 GMT
Let me see if I have this straight. In a relationship of 3 months, you texted him to ask what is the percentage chance he gives of being together in a year. (Three months is hardly time to know someone, btw. This is a problematic question... especially given what follows...)
He texts 90% , and you take it poorly.
He provides his reasons, you do not respond because you're busy, but show up at his house to talk because you "feel" it was a big deal to him even though you are the one who was anxious insecure and responding negatively?
It sounds like you're projecting, and also that this is a bit of drama with you being insecure but sensing that he's the one with the sensitivity here. It this kind of thing happened a few times he may have seen a pattern he doesn't want to perpetuate and decided to cut it off. It could be that he meant what he said even if you don't see it the same way. Nobody here can know, it's all speculation until he comes to give his side.
It sounds like you guys jumped the gun, had unrealistic expectations from each other for the short amount of time you were together, and that the dynamic couldn't sustain misunderstanding or conflict at all. But I wouldn't say that's all on him, you were a part of that dynamic.
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Post by pinkbarracuda on Jun 2, 2022 1:36:04 GMT
There was no drama. I don't do drama and neither does he. He is highly sensitive - and I don't mean that in a judgmental way. See Elaine Aron's book, The HIghly Sensitive Person. He has a sensory nervous system trait that creates a hyper-arousal reaction to many things. That's why I went there. I knew my response to his response would affect him. I had walked on these eggshells before.
For context, our relationship was very intimate, we spent alot of time together and had met our families. We are in our 50's, this is not uncommon at our age.
I have sense learned his shutdown/avoidant response was a created by my "disapproving" of his 90% reply. Thais Gibson's analysis provided a great deal of insight.
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Post by tnr9 on Jun 2, 2022 2:22:54 GMT
There was no drama. I don't do drama and neither does he. He is highly sensitive - and I don't mean that in a judgmental way. See Elaine Aron's book, The HIghly Sensitive Person. He has a sensory nervous system trait that creates a hyper-arousal reaction to many things. That's why I went there. I knew my response to his response would affect him. I had walked on these eggshells before. For context, our relationship was very intimate, we spent alot of time together and had met our families. We are in our 50's, this is not uncommon at our age. I have sense learned his shutdown/avoidant response was a created by my "disapproving" of his 90% reply. Thais Gibson's analysis provided a great deal of insight. I am FA….I don’t get a shutdown sense from what you posted. Not having any fights does not mean everything is necessarily great…it just means that he may have had mixed feelings and did not want to hurt you but in the end….he did not want to lead you on either. I think instead of trying to analyze him…the best thing you can do is to decide what it was that attracted you to someone who had some insecure attachment issues that he was not working on. Did you think you could make his secure? |
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Post by anne12 on Jun 2, 2022 4:24:49 GMT
….” his body language scared me….” - why, in what way ? If he says, that he thinks, that he has got ocd and maybe aspergers, why do you then only think that he is hsp ? What did you say to him, when he said that ? Did you remember to ask him, why he thinks, he has got asperger ? jebkinnisonforum.com/post/40538/You have been very intensely together, having contact every day and you have even met his parents. If you are moving too fast, things can crash and burn. His father just got diagnosed with dementia / Alzheimer’s…- this can be a devastating message to receive about one of your parents…- jebkinnisonforum.com/post/47796/That’s a lot for someone who is hsp, (asperger), an insecurely attached ect. Moving slowly forward is def better if he is fa - when people with some fa style are under stress, they can be even more desorganized in their behavior. And both Asperger’s and hsp s can need some downtime by themselves after trips, after a lot of interaction, socializing ect. There’s a thread about hsp and also one on neurodivergent s ect. in the general discussion forum And also some fa/da/ap healing threads ect. jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/2359/hsp-attatchmentstyles-males-femalesjebkinnisonforum.com/thread/2988/neurodivergence-attachment-issuesThe healing disorganized thread has a lot of information about the fight, flight, freeze, fawn, fitting in reactions. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2022 5:09:01 GMT
There was no drama. I don't do drama and neither does he. He is highly sensitive - and I don't mean that in a judgmental way. See Elaine Aron's book, The HIghly Sensitive Person. He has a sensory nervous system trait that creates a hyper-arousal reaction to many things. That's why I went there. I knew my response to his response would affect him. I had walked on these eggshells before. For context, our relationship was very intimate, we spent alot of time together and had met our families. We are in our 50's, this is not uncommon at our age. I have sense learned his shutdown/avoidant response was a created by my "disapproving" of his 90% reply. Thais Gibson's analysis provided a great deal of insight. I am HSP and in my early 50's as well, so I understand that part but the whole question about predicting a year out and the fallout seems insecure to me, but on your part and not just his. At any age, it takes longer than 3 months to know a person intimately. And to make predictions before experiencing conflict and resolving it (as happens in every couple) is pretty dicey. It kind of seems like you get inside his head quite a bit, just from what you've written. But if your question is answered, that's great. Best of luck. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2022 5:24:41 GMT
A recent dementia diagnosis in his father, and a trip to see him with concerns of a difficult future is a lot of stress on a person especially HSP or neuro divergent. Maybe not a good time to bring up relationship predictions, he may have felt pressured and as though he couldn't take it all on with major life changes. Having a parent with dementia is a lot. The pressures of a new relationship can be a lot. As an avoidant myself, a relationship is the first to get sidelined under stress, other things get prioritized. At least prior to the healing process.
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Post by pinkbarracuda on Jun 6, 2022 1:01:42 GMT
Thank you Anne12 for your questions and suggested links. ….” his body language scared me….” - why, in what way ? His body was stiff, slow. He face looked frozen, his tone of voice dropped, sounding whiny. He later said he had shut down.
If he says, that he thinks, that he has got ocd and maybe aspergers, why do you then only think that he is hsp ? Post break up I researched and read the book by Elaina Aron and saw so many of his traits. I did not look into his OCD or Aspergers (though I knew a lot about it becaude Id dated an aspie. His traits did not resemble my experience with Aspergers.
What did you say to him, when he said that ? When he told me of the OCD, I didn't say much as first, just listened. Next day I emailed a letter asking if there was more to it. He wrote a lovely letter back saying he'd never researched OCD but he felt his structured daily routine ( wake same day, groery shop same time etc) added purpoe to his life since he'd been single the last 3 years. I think the routines made him feel safe and gave him something to rely on.
Did you remember to ask him, why he thinks, he has got asperger ? I never asked him why he thought he had it. I already knew he was very introverted, socially awkard (his phrase), nervous to please me and not fail me. He'd said it takes him a long time to open up to a woman and I didn't want to push. Instead, I'd shared my vulnerabilty and my past openly. Which, eventually, he felt safe to open up about some personal struggles. He did not have the typical eye avoidance that aspie's have, and was able to openly say he loved me, and was very affectionate.
You have been very intensely together, having contact every day and you have even met his parents. If you are moving too fast, things can crash and burn. I see that now. Plus the stress of his father's new diagnosis of demetia likely added to the stress. The most significant "straw" on the camel's back was the face we disagreed in the final text message.
Moving slowly forward is def better if he is fa - when people with some fa style are under stress, they can be even more desorganized in their behavior. I did not know until after the break up what an attachment style was, so FA was unknown to me. I knew he was anxious, I thought that was due to introversion. My son is an introvert and had that experience.
And both Asperger’s and hsp s can need some downtime by themselves after trips, after a lot of interaction, socializing ect. I realized this immedately after the break up. On our trip he did not take any down time, or alone time. I took a few hours alone to go the store and call some friends, but he never asked for his needs to me known.
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Post by pinkbarracuda on Jun 6, 2022 1:06:05 GMT
Im having a hard time understanding how to quote here. But, Introvert, you are correct. I was insecure - that's why I asked the prediction. I was severely insecure in my earlier life and it does pop up sometimes in relationships. I do believer, though, that his deactivation would have occured in the future because he was so scared to fail me.
And yes I am here, and researching why he did this because it has never happened before and left me deeply confused. Thanks for your insight.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2022 4:43:37 GMT
Im having a hard time understanding how to quote here. But, Introvert, you are correct. I was insecure - that's why I asked the prediction. I was severely insecure in my earlier life and it does pop up sometimes in relationships. I do believer, though, that his deactivation would have occured in the future because he was so scared to fail me. And yes I am here, and researching why he did this because it has never happened before and left me deeply confused. Thanks for your insight. I get where you're coming from, but my take on him is not just that he was afraid of failing, it's that he has a very dysfunctional relationship history indicating deep unresolved issues, codependency seems to be a thing, and he hasn't done therapy. He only does dysfunction, as of yet. To expect a stable long lasting relationship with the history and traits you describe in him seems a bit unrealistic. I'm kind of surprised that someone with your amount of recovery would pick a wounded soul who isn't in recovery, have you taken a look at that? Are you a fixer? |
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Post by Dualcitizen on Jun 6, 2022 10:13:43 GMT
Hello everyone, This is my first post. I'm hoping you can help me understand why my former boyfriend ended our relationship. Me: Female/57/secure attachment with minor anxious/FA style He: 54/Anxious style/FA at break up/highly sensitive & passive and introverted We were together 3 months, very loving, committed, conflict free relationship. We each professed love daily, verbally, text and letters. I have 3 decades of 12 step Al-Anon recovery and quite secure as a result. I have a strong self of self, apply appropriate boundaries and not needy. He has never been in therapy and displayed anxnious/nervous tendancies and a big fear of "failing me". His family dynamic was undemonstrative parents who never showed physical or verbal affection to him, never said I love you or hugs. He felt he'd always disappointed them in career choice and other areas. He married an alcoholic (10 years), followed 15 yr partnership with an adult child who was very insecure and dominant, and a brief 8 mo. relationship with a pill addict. He felt he may have OCD and possibly Aspergers, though I saw it as being an HSP trait (Highly sensitive person - a sensory trait of over-arousal tendencies, and empath feelings). He has a structured daily routine which he said provides him with structure. I was his fourth relationship. He was attracted to my recovery mindset and placed me on a pedestal, always hoping to "evolve" with me. He said several times his greatest fear was to fail me. He never did and I reasusured him of that. We'd had a few text message misunderstandings - minor to me, but not to him. He'd over apologize for the confusion and take it hard. A few times I'd have my minor avoidant pull backs that would last an hour or so when I'd feel overwhelmed by deeper feelings of love, which I'd explained to him. Always temporary and said it was nothing to do with him. Again, he couldn't not take it hard. My avoidance comes from being hurt in the past, but I've learned through recovery to process. I am very comfortable with being vulnerable and shared much more than he did. He did share a cutting experience in his teens when he was rejected by his first love and some other personal experiences. Recently, his father informed him he has dementia and he invited me to go to their state to meet his parents. We went for a week, also stopped to meet my son and brother. It was very good trip and brought us closer. Two days after, he broke up with me when I'd asked him via text what he thought the percentage he'd give for us being together a year from then. (My anxiety speaking). He said 90%, and I tool that poorly, replying with Damn. He explained his reasoning, and I did not reply as I was working. Three hours later I went to his home to speak to him about it because I 'felt' it was a big deal to him - another time when we had a difference of opinion that would cause him to become upset. When I arrived his face looked like he'd seen a ghost - pale, frozen. His body was stilted, almost frozen. He was not himself at all. He spoke in broken sentences and I couldn't understand him. He said he thought he wasn't the man for me because he was too pessimistic and I was so positive. (assuming the 90% response was him being negative). I said I disagreed and tried to get him back to a baseline and asked how did he feel about me. "Well, I like you". I was shocked. His voice was not normal and his body language scared me. I said "You loved me this morning when we spoke. You loved me last night and all these months." He nodded his head yes. I said but now, you don't love me. He shook his head no. I left. He was totally shutdown with what I feel like was a trauma response of flight/fright/freeze. Two days later I called him and asked for more clarification. He first gave the "we had so many ups and downs and I felt I had to work harder to keep it up". We never had a fight or a cross word ever, so I could only imagine he meant the 3 text misunderstandings/ and my quiet periods of pull back. When I countered that with my perspective, he added more excuses that I had criticized his relationship with his mother, which never happened. I never criticized him on anything. Then he said his feelings just changed. I asked, how does that happen, he replied "When I make this decison, they just stop". It was just shocking to hear this. He lated emailed saying "I'm sorry. I failed. I lost my courage. I have no more answers". We've had minimal text/email contact in the last 2 months where he was cold, unfeeling, and expressed no care for my feelings. He was such a gentle, thoughtful and considerate partner, it's just such a shock to me. I feel he felt he'd failed me, as he failed his father to whom he also put on a pedestal, and was triggered by that and completely shut down. I had seen no previous avoidant behavior at all. Could this be a case of disassociating as a result of trauma trigged F/F/F? I thank you for sharing your experiences. None of this is surprising i'm sorry to say. Not to be rude with the following, but I wont sugar coat it, but this has happened to me as well years ago, a 2.5 month relationship with an F-A woman (suffering Complex PTSD), first time I'd seen it in my life....and last dated. I am secure 80%/10% avoidant/10% anxious on that Thais Gibson PDS attachment test. He clearly was not communicating from an authentic place, and it could be anything really that is causing this. It could be the closeness kicking in! It could be something you said and did that triggered him, that to you is "nothing", but to him it is "something", he may internally disagree with a point of view/s you have but "nodded along" to keep the peace! I mean we could go on for days here. What is clear is, he makes up a lot of excuses for calling it off sadly, do not try and make excuses for it, whether he truly loves you or not, he's doing it! And it's poor patterning and behaviour! Communication and being authentic with no fear up upsetting the other person or perception of yourself is one of the key things in a relationship, and relationships are hard enough with 2 people doing this, nevermind someone hiding! Funnily enough that F-A ex. I mention above, we are friends, she just had a 2 year relationship with a guy that was after me. Same patterning as always in it, she ONLY NOW in her early 40s is finally remotely looking into her behavioural patterns! And only after I brought it up in a kind way over 2.5 years ago! Now she may or may not follow through, but unless someone is open and honest and knows themselves and is moving postively to address those items......I'm sorry......patterns repeat and it's heartbreak and pain! I hope you are going ok |
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Post by pinkbarracuda on Jun 10, 2022 1:09:57 GMT
Im having a hard time understanding how to quote here. But, Introvert, you are correct. I was insecure - that's why I asked the prediction. I was severely insecure in my earlier life and it does pop up sometimes in relationships. I do believer, though, that his deactivation would have occured in the future because he was so scared to fail me. And yes I am here, and researching why he did this because it has never happened before and left me deeply confused. Thanks for your insight. I get where you're coming from, but my take on him is not just that he was afraid of failing, it's that he has a very dysfunctional relationship history indicating deep unresolved issues, codependency seems to be a thing, and he hasn't done therapy. He only does dysfunction, as of yet. To expect a stable long lasting relationship with the history and traits you describe in him seems a bit unrealistic. I'm kind of surprised that someone with your amount of recovery would pick a wounded soul who isn't in recovery, have you taken a look at that? Are you a fixer? I was wide eyed in the relationship - did notice his "Very into me" behavior. But he never tipped into what I would consider codependency from him. I thought it was more anxious at pleasing me. I did have to reassure him when we;d had the few text misunderstandings. A few weels before the breakup he shared more about his ocd/aspergers which he said he'd seek therapy if it caused issues with us. But, I missed his inability to ask for his needs to be met which as an introvert was more solitude time. He was just too willing to be what he thought I needed. In my recovery I have successfully been able to refrain from fixing people - him, my son and my ex husband (alcoholic). I never made any attempt to caretake him or fix him. I reviewed my behavior in the relationship with my sponsor and am proud with how I acted. I do wish I had not gone at such a fast pace and agreed to travel to meet his parents. But, due to his fathers diagnosis, and him wanting me to meet him before it progressed, I agreed. |
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Post by pinkbarracuda on Jun 10, 2022 1:25:13 GMT
Hello everyone, This is my first post. I'm hoping you can help me understand why my former boyfriend ended our relationship. Me: Female/57/secure attachment with minor anxious/FA style He: 54/Anxious style/FA at break up/highly sensitive & passive and introverted We were together 3 months, very loving, committed, conflict free relationship. We each professed love daily, verbally, text and letters. I have 3 decades of 12 step Al-Anon recovery and quite secure as a result. I have a strong self of self, apply appropriate boundaries and not needy. He has never been in therapy and displayed anxnious/nervous tendancies and a big fear of "failing me". His family dynamic was undemonstrative parents who never showed physical or verbal affection to him, never said I love you or hugs. He felt he'd always disappointed them in career choice and other areas. He married an alcoholic (10 years), followed 15 yr partnership with an adult child who was very insecure and dominant, and a brief 8 mo. relationship with a pill addict. He felt he may have OCD and possibly Aspergers, though I saw it as being an HSP trait (Highly sensitive person - a sensory trait of over-arousal tendencies, and empath feelings). He has a structured daily routine which he said provides him with structure. I was his fourth relationship. He was attracted to my recovery mindset and placed me on a pedestal, always hoping to "evolve" with me. He said several times his greatest fear was to fail me. He never did and I reasusured him of that. We'd had a few text message misunderstandings - minor to me, but not to him. He'd over apologize for the confusion and take it hard. A few times I'd have my minor avoidant pull backs that would last an hour or so when I'd feel overwhelmed by deeper feelings of love, which I'd explained to him. Always temporary and said it was nothing to do with him. Again, he couldn't not take it hard. My avoidance comes from being hurt in the past, but I've learned through recovery to process. I am very comfortable with being vulnerable and shared much more than he did. He did share a cutting experience in his teens when he was rejected by his first love and some other personal experiences. Recently, his father informed him he has dementia and he invited me to go to their state to meet his parents. We went for a week, also stopped to meet my son and brother. It was very good trip and brought us closer. Two days after, he broke up with me when I'd asked him via text what he thought the percentage he'd give for us being together a year from then. (My anxiety speaking). He said 90%, and I tool that poorly, replying with Damn. He explained his reasoning, and I did not reply as I was working. Three hours later I went to his home to speak to him about it because I 'felt' it was a big deal to him - another time when we had a difference of opinion that would cause him to become upset. When I arrived his face looked like he'd seen a ghost - pale, frozen. His body was stilted, almost frozen. He was not himself at all. He spoke in broken sentences and I couldn't understand him. He said he thought he wasn't the man for me because he was too pessimistic and I was so positive. (assuming the 90% response was him being negative). I said I disagreed and tried to get him back to a baseline and asked how did he feel about me. "Well, I like you". I was shocked. His voice was not normal and his body language scared me. I said "You loved me this morning when we spoke. You loved me last night and all these months." He nodded his head yes. I said but now, you don't love me. He shook his head no. I left. He was totally shutdown with what I feel like was a trauma response of flight/fright/freeze. Two days later I called him and asked for more clarification. He first gave the "we had so many ups and downs and I felt I had to work harder to keep it up". We never had a fight or a cross word ever, so I could only imagine he meant the 3 text misunderstandings/ and my quiet periods of pull back. When I countered that with my perspective, he added more excuses that I had criticized his relationship with his mother, which never happened. I never criticized him on anything. Then he said his feelings just changed. I asked, how does that happen, he replied "When I make this decison, they just stop". It was just shocking to hear this. He lated emailed saying "I'm sorry. I failed. I lost my courage. I have no more answers". We've had minimal text/email contact in the last 2 months where he was cold, unfeeling, and expressed no care for my feelings. He was such a gentle, thoughtful and considerate partner, it's just such a shock to me. I feel he felt he'd failed me, as he failed his father to whom he also put on a pedestal, and was triggered by that and completely shut down. I had seen no previous avoidant behavior at all. Could this be a case of disassociating as a result of trauma trigged F/F/F? I thank you for sharing your experiences. None of this is surprising i'm sorry to say. Not to be rude with the following, but I wont sugar coat it, but this has happened to me as well years ago, a 2.5 month relationship with an F-A woman (suffering Complex PTSD), first time I'd seen it in my life....and last dated. I am secure 80%/10% avoidant/10% anxious on that Thais Gibson PDS attachment test. He clearly was not communicating from an authentic place, and it could be anything really that is causing this. It could be the closeness kicking in! It could be something you said and did that triggered him, that to you is "nothing", but to him it is "something", he may internally disagree with a point of view/s you have but "nodded along" to keep the peace! I mean we could go on for days here. What is clear is, he makes up a lot of excuses for calling it off sadly, do not try and make excuses for it, whether he truly loves you or not, he's doing it! And it's poor patterning and behaviour! Communication and being authentic with no fear up upsetting the other person or perception of yourself is one of the key things in a relationship, and relationships are hard enough with 2 people doing this, nevermind someone hiding! Funnily enough that F-A ex. I mention above, we are friends, she just had a 2 year relationship with a guy that was after me. Same patterning as always in it, she ONLY NOW in her early 40s is finally remotely looking into her behavioural patterns! And only after I brought it up in a kind way over 2.5 years ago! Now she may or may not follow through, but unless someone is open and honest and knows themselves and is moving postively to address those items......I'm sorry......patterns repeat and it's heartbreak and pain! I hope you are going ok I am also 80/10/10. I used to be full only anxious for many years. Recovery and therapy has helped me immensely. Thank you for sharing about your former relationship. My ex - I believe - hid in his 2 long term relationships (Alcoholic wife & later anxious GF). He was open with me - with history of cutting at 19 when a gf left him, and few other issues. He was also open about not sharing more. I knew he was holding back and I never pushed. I simply share about my stuff, which seemed to help him feel secure to little by little share more. Hopefully he finds his bottom, to find healing. |
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Damn. He explained his reasoning, and I did not reply as I was working.
