Confused mess after breakup

Read mrob 's threads about his similar journey. Everything you are describing is normal for an FA attachment style, and it is coming from deeper, earlier wounds that existed before you even met your ex. The good news is that means you can work through where a lot of this pain is coming from on your own with some help (preferably therapy) since there's a lot going on that is separate from her. You may be ending a marriage with someone who is objectively a great person, who may also not be a good or compatible match for you at this time. Think about how you're telling yourself this story and what you're idealizing and in what ways you're being overly negative and lacking compassion for yourself. But the truth is most likely that both of those statements are true -- she is great but the relationship isn't healthy for various reasons. And FWIW, you make yourself a better person, others can't do it for you.