|
|
Post by gabgab on Jul 31, 2022 17:34:51 GMT
Hi dear forumers,
Dunno why I'm here, I randomly found this forum. I'm hurting like hell, I'm a wounded animal in these trying times and I need to express my pain through these lines, it's a message in a bottle to anyone.
I'm 28 (M) and I dated an FA 31 (F) for 6 months and prior to that we met 6 months before. I'm secure leaning AP because of some trauma and the fact that my mother never told me she loved me when I was a child, I guess. My ex lost her father when she was 10 and her mother didn't really cared about her. Alchemy was here but she was dodging deep conversations, sending mixed signals, lying about superficials things to just control the situation. I was blind about redflags, anyway, we spent one month having sexual intimacy many times and she met my parents, after picking a stupid fight about work my Ex withdrawn and deactivated.
I got ghosted for 7 months, I was obviously chasing at first, because I loved her and because of trauma-bond too.
Discovering about attachment theory, my sleep apnea and many things about me, her, us.
After spending some time alone, I became very cold. I am still, the naive child in me died when she left.
Then one night she contacted me, the famous drunk breadcrumbing "hey, can we see eachother ?"
I took the bait like an idiot.
She told me she was sorry and she wanted to friend with me. I was so upset, drown in anger. I refused, telling her I was only a doormat to her, that she never respected me and went no contact.
It was like 3 weeks ago. It's hard sometimes, today I hate my life, I just need someone to tell me that I did the right choice setting my boundaries after I got walked over like a piece of shit.
Thank you anyone.
|
|
|
|
Post by elizabeth on Aug 1, 2022 14:12:02 GMT
Hi dear forumers,
Dunno why I'm here, I randomly found this forum. I'm hurting like hell, I'm a wounded animal in these trying times and I need to express my pain through these lines, it's a message in a bottle to anyone.
I'm 28 (M) and I dated an FA 31 (F) for 6 months and prior to that we met 6 months before. I'm secure leaning AP because of some trauma and the fact that my mother never told me she loved me when I was a child, I guess. My ex lost her father when she was 10 and her mother didn't really cared about her. Alchemy was here but she was dodging deep conversations, sending mixed signals, lying about superficials things to just control the situation. I was blind about redflags, anyway, we spent one month having sexual intimacy many times and she met my parents, after picking a stupid fight about work my Ex withdrawn and deactivated.
I got ghosted for 7 months, I was obviously chasing at first, because I loved her and because of trauma-bond too.
Discovering about attachment theory, my sleep apnea and many things about me, her, us.
After spending some time alone, I became very cold. I am still, the naive child in me died when she left.
Then one night she contacted me, the famous drunk breadcrumbing "hey, can we see eachother ?"
I took the bait like an idiot.
She told me she was sorry and she wanted to friend with me. I was so upset, drown in anger. I refused, telling her I was only a doormat to her, that she never respected me and went no contact.
It was like 3 weeks ago. It's hard sometimes, today I hate my life, I just need someone to tell me that I did the right choice setting my boundaries after I got walked over like a piece of shit.
Thank you anyone.
hi! i think you did the right thing standing up for yourself and your boundaries and your needs. sometimes it hurts to stand up for what you are actually worth, but doing that will only take you somewhere more positive, rather than trying to bend to this person who you may have feelings for, but who may not be able to give you what you truly want and need. do you think your 'cold' feeling is temporary? the naive child has to go at some point, if you want a truly healthy adult relationship. there is this quote, by Kahlil Gibran, i always liked. it says "Pain is the breaking of the shell which encloses your understanding." Growth and life lessons can be painful, and even moreso if you have no concept that growth can take you to a better place than you even believed existed. Sometimes you have to let go of comfortable beliefs to get to the good real stuff. sending you a hug. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2022 13:14:58 GMT
Hi dear forumers,
Dunno why I'm here, I randomly found this forum. I'm hurting like hell, I'm a wounded animal in these trying times and I need to express my pain through these lines, it's a message in a bottle to anyone.
I'm 28 (M) and I dated an FA 31 (F) for 6 months and prior to that we met 6 months before. I'm secure leaning AP because of some trauma and the fact that my mother never told me she loved me when I was a child, I guess. My ex lost her father when she was 10 and her mother didn't really cared about her. Alchemy was here but she was dodging deep conversations, sending mixed signals, lying about superficials things to just control the situation. I was blind about redflags, anyway, we spent one month having sexual intimacy many times and she met my parents, after picking a stupid fight about work my Ex withdrawn and deactivated.
I got ghosted for 7 months, I was obviously chasing at first, because I loved her and because of trauma-bond too.
Discovering about attachment theory, my sleep apnea and many things about me, her, us.
After spending some time alone, I became very cold. I am still, the naive child in me died when she left.
Then one night she contacted me, the famous drunk breadcrumbing "hey, can we see eachother ?"
I took the bait like an idiot.
She told me she was sorry and she wanted to friend with me. I was so upset, drown in anger. I refused, telling her I was only a doormat to her, that she never respected me and went no contact.
It was like 3 weeks ago. It's hard sometimes, today I hate my life, I just need someone to tell me that I did the right choice setting my boundaries after I got walked over like a piece of shit.
Thank you anyone.
I'm sorry you're hurting, and I know that most of us here on the forum have been crushed at some point or another by shockingly painful outcomes in our misguided relationship pursuits. I have learned that you just can't get a secure, happy outcome from a casual, sex-driven and ambiguous beginning. It's taken most of us many failed entanglements to learn how to conduct ourselves in ways that lead to health and stability in relarionships. This entails a lot of things... from developing self awareness of our own emotional needs, developing healthy boundaries, growing an awareness of insecure or toxic behaviors in ourselves and others, and learning how to see things as they are rather than how we would like them to be. It's a process, and it's pretty rough at times. There's hope, for a happy relationship future but it means developing healthy relationship habits. There was a time in my life I couldn't conceive of doing things differently than the way I'd always done them, but I kept getting bad results from my relationship efforts. I had to take a look at where I was letting myself down. Not intentionally, but out of ignorance and negative habits in how I interacted with myself and others. I don't know if it's a comfort to share these things... for me, it's comforting to know that I can have an impact on the direction of things going forward and that I'm not just lost, a hapless victim to the behaviors of others. Again, sorry you're hurting. These things can really knock you down. But you aren't alone, and there's a lot of exploring you can do to learn how to find a relationship that serves your highest good. That's what a lot of people here are doing. |
|
