Avoidant - not sure if DA or FA (can he be both)

It's unfortunate that you didn't explore what's important to him around the holidays and made some assumptions (that he celebrates or is ok with it). Now you know, he doesn't want to. He's got a lifetime of reasons before you for his choice, and it's important enough for him to stand his ground so good for him.

Compromise is NOT something reasonable to expect if it involves disregarding a person's deeply held values or beliefs. Holidays qualify. As far as I can see people generally have convictions around what they need concerning holidays and no one has a right to impose their traditions on anyone. If it were a matter of both of you celebrate but you don't agree exactly how or where, compromise can be found. But in the case of NOT celebrating at all for personal reasons, and celebrating... well there you have an incompatibility.

Compromise shouldn't have anyone abandoning themselves. Where to eat, what the budget is, etc... that's negotiable. Whether or not to celebrate a holiday isn't, because of the personal histories involved. Some people have a lot of trauma around holidays! Why expect them to do what you want instead of what they want, considering the nature of avoidant attachment and how it comes to be? Who doesn't either cherish or loathe something about a family tradition? It's off limits to expect someone to do what they don't want to do around that kind of thing.

Okay, I can't give you the kind of feedback you are looking for,  we clearly don't agree on what is reasonable here and that's ok. I think you are unreasonable to seek the relationship you want from someone who doesn't want the same.  I don't believe you are on the cusp of secure for that reason, but there is no need to argue that either because in the end what I think doesn't really matter.  You claim to know the attachment styles and yet are here complaining that you can't get what you want from an avoidant, when the very definition of avoidant in relationships is one who avoids intimacy and reciprocity in relationships.   I don't think you can find advice for remedying your situation here, except what has already been said.  But I do wish you success ultimately in figuring things out for yourself.  

I said he doesn't want the same, not that he doesn't want a relationship. He doesn't want the same things. You just made posts about him needing things on his terms, I will quote that for you and let you see why from what you yourself describe he is avoiding reciprocity. You said something about one sided as well, that indicates that you feel a lack of reciprocity.

"The most frustrating thing is everything is on HIS terms. Everything."

How can an avoidant's avoidance of reciprocity be new to you?

Unaware avoidants don't do healthy interdependence.

The other thing also is exchanging of presents isn’t exactly “doing Christmas”. I love cold ham sandwiches two days later (it’s hot over Christmas here), but I really don’t want to be sharing a lunch table and having to be happy, then a dinner table with another lot and feign happiness. I spent years being married doing things like that, that I really didn’t want yo do. That was compromise that I don’t want to make again. It just comes with consequences.