Hello! Need advice to make sense of things please
Jan 26, 2023 20:17:54 GMT
via mobile
mrob likes this
Post by alexandra on Jan 26, 2023 20:17:54 GMT
I don't think there's enough information here to assume she's FA, or that that's the reason she wasn't into moving things along. So you should just take it at face value that this wasn't the right match for her and move on. Not every dating situation that doesn't work out is due to attachment issues. You didn't really know her after only a month and weekly hangouts. That's about 5 dates total, right? Texting daily is not a great way to initially get to know someone because it creates an artificial sense of intimacy and connection building that really needs to be done in early dating through in person time or at least video dates (possibly phone calls). Texting is a good supplement to showing interest between the dates and scheduling more, but it's not a good gauge of growing connection that early since there's no body language or nuance, and it opens a lot up to misinterpretation and fantasy.
It sounds like she was never that interested in dating seriously, unfortunately, from when things felt off right away. She may not be the best communicator or may be trying to be "too polite", which sure, could be FA traits, but that early on it's no real indicator of anything other than you weren't on the same page. Plus, if an FA deactivates due to attachment issues, it usually happens after some hot and heavy early dating that then gets too serious for them. There could be endless reasons for her low interest, that had nothing to do with you being too consistent or boring for her. The takeaway is, you don't want the same things, and that's not a negative reflection on either of you.
The one thing you describe that I don't think helped your case is that you continued to text her daily after she said she needed space. That's the opposite of space. You may have wanted to clarify with her what her expectations were with that on the spot instead of assuming. I'd have felt my boundaries steamrolled in that situation, and I'm secure. Then again, when someone needs space after only a month and a few dates, things are basically already over. Early dating between compatible people shouldn't be that difficult.
It sounds like she was never that interested in dating seriously, unfortunately, from when things felt off right away. She may not be the best communicator or may be trying to be "too polite", which sure, could be FA traits, but that early on it's no real indicator of anything other than you weren't on the same page. Plus, if an FA deactivates due to attachment issues, it usually happens after some hot and heavy early dating that then gets too serious for them. There could be endless reasons for her low interest, that had nothing to do with you being too consistent or boring for her. The takeaway is, you don't want the same things, and that's not a negative reflection on either of you.
The one thing you describe that I don't think helped your case is that you continued to text her daily after she said she needed space. That's the opposite of space. You may have wanted to clarify with her what her expectations were with that on the spot instead of assuming. I'd have felt my boundaries steamrolled in that situation, and I'm secure. Then again, when someone needs space after only a month and a few dates, things are basically already over. Early dating between compatible people shouldn't be that difficult.
