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Post by tnr9 on Jan 27, 2023 21:49:36 GMT
B was the whole reason I found these forums and it was a shock when a good friend of mine called to let me know that he had passed. I don’t know the cause…there is a go fund me that simply mentions it was unexpected and sudden. He leaves behind a wife and a very young son. It hasn’t fully hit me and after spending 4 years working so hard to gain perspective on the relationship and breakup…I don’t know how to grieve….because I feel like I have grieved over him for such a LONG time. Any suggestions?
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Post by sunrisequest on Jan 30, 2023 8:02:27 GMT
I'm really sorry to hear this... I imagine this is such a difficult and confusing thing to process... especially as he played such a huge part in your journey of self discovery. I think when we love someone, a part of that always lives on, so the feelings remain on some level, but it's difficult to know how to grieve someone who is no longer a part of your life. I don't have any big suggestions, but just wanted to say I'm sorry...
I guess with all grief, you kind of have to surrender to it. Let it be what it wants to be. Waves of emotion and feeling that come whether you like it or not. Observe the feelings and be gentle with yourself through it. Hugs x
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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2023 3:13:33 GMT
B was the whole reason I found these forums and it was a shock when a good friend of mine called to let me know that he had passed. I don’t know the cause…there is a go fund me that simply mentions it was unexpected and sudden. He leaves behind a wife and a 1 year old son. It hasn’t fully hit me and after spending 4 years working so hard to gain perspective on the relationship and breakup…I don’t know how to grieve….because I feel like I have grieved over him for such a LONG time. Any suggestions? Maybe there isn't a lot of grief there? Grief comes to collect, you can't force it and you can't stop it. I'd say just accept what it is for you day by day. |
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Post by lovebunny on Jan 31, 2023 12:47:48 GMT
Feel whatever you feel. If you feel something, or nothing, either is ok. The relationship has been over long enough that you may well have done all your grieving, and that's great. If there's still a little left, have a cry, then go back to not thinking about him as much as possible.
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Post by tnr9 on Jan 31, 2023 22:11:17 GMT
Thank you all for your wise words. I spent last Sunday enjoying a hobby of mine and thinking about B. I feel more shock then sadness right now.
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Post by annieb on Feb 2, 2023 14:36:59 GMT
I’m so sorry to hear and I’m sorry for your loss! He was a significant person in your life and your interaction with him put you in this path of self discovery and in a way a part of your past is laid to rest as well. Leaving the one year old child totally blows. How old was he?
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 3, 2023 4:12:42 GMT
I’m so sorry to hear and I’m sorry for your loss! He was a significant person in your life and your interaction with him put you in this path of self discovery and in a way a part of your past is laid to rest as well. Leaving the one year old child totally blows. How old was he? Early 40s. 😢😢 |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 7, 2023 4:24:28 GMT
I just wanted to provide an update. On Friday, there was a memorial held that was available online. I did watch it, although I did not find out any further details on what happened. On Sunday I was out with some friends…I had a good cry and I feel much better. I know that grief will come and go but I do appreciate all the support I have received. 🙂
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 13, 2023 16:00:21 GMT
So…I have uncovered a dilemma…..at times I do not feel entitled to grieve B since I was not his wife. I believe this is a boundary issue within me but I am not sure how to address this. I also found out via a friend who watched the memorial that that his wife newly found out she is pregnant. I was going to rewatch the memorial but it is no longer available to the public. There was a bit I had skipped over so that must have been when the announcement t was made.
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 16, 2023 3:21:09 GMT
I had a really great session with my therapist today….I feel I am fragmented with losing him “again”….her advice was to just stay with it. Stay with the unanswered questions about how he died, stay with the sadness and the confusion….but let go of all the saved information from the memorial and his Facebook page (I had taken screenshots of everything I could find). I feel this is 1 step forward and sometimes 3 steps backwards…but at least I am moving with the grief.
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Post by lovebunny on Feb 16, 2023 13:13:10 GMT
So sorry you're going through this. My oldest friend on the island died unexpectedly about 2 years ago, she was only 42, left behind two teenage kids. Cause of death was never disclosed, but I strongly suspect she mixed pills and booze in a lethal combo. I found myself doing little rituals to let her go....spilling champagne on the ground, sending a leaf with her name written on it out to sea. A bit trite, but it helped let go a little.
I agree with therapist, no need to set back your healing by looking at pictures or rewatching memorial service. Remember, he was a part of your past, and you already did the hard work of letting him go and building yourself up. Grieve the loss of his light on this earth, then continue forward with YOUR journey.
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