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Post by anne12 on Feb 6, 2023 2:15:29 GMT
violet How to get your power back (it works at the instinktive level) jebkinnisonforum.com/post/25648/ - two chair anger exercise Anger is one of the most misunderstood and thus mistreated in our modern life. (Leonard Jacobsen decribes anger meditation in his book "the journey into now") Anger meditation is especially good for ambivalent / nervous attatched. whereas dismissives will find it strange. Disorganized people can also benefit from it, but can become overwhelmed. They typically need one or more competent protectors along the way. Its an exercise you can use every time you get annoyed, angry, upset or you resign.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2023 3:41:53 GMT
@introverttemporary You're right, the simple fact is that we all impact other people in ways that we can't always control or intend. I think, like you said, the insecure part of me is still searching for justification. "I did something to deserve that". Regardless of the reason, it doesn't make his reaction okay, and blaming myself is unproductive and the wrong thing to focus on. Instead, I should be looking at my own boundaries and the actions/attitudes/etc I accept from others; him flipping out, berating me, not apologizing, and then ghosting me is unacceptable, so I should move on guilt-free. Thank you for helping me re-direct my thinking! tnr9 I'll definitely look into somatic experiencing, thank you for the suggestion!! I also have an issue with trying to mind-read people even though I've worked on accepting other's actions as they are. It really is a survival response, trying to be exactly what you think others want from you at your own detriment.  There is also some empowerment and self love to be found in situations like this. I'll give an example from a comvo with my daughter this evening. She's a manager, who has been a loyal and hardworking employee, loved her job... but her boundaries have been violated over and over by someone in upper management. Her voice was quaking when she told me she was ready to resign, as soon as she finds something else. She's going to look for something more aligned with her real interests and education. She's rightfully angry and hurt at what has happened. But I asked her if she could reframe this, not seeing herself as fleeing workplace mistreatment, but seeing herself as creating the life that she wants, by being brave, proactive, and strong. She liked that perspective. Anger can be a powerful, mobilizing force. It's healthy! It can come from a place of PROTECTING yourself and is therefore very life-affirming. So let it wake you up, but then allow something to take its place... the courage and the self love is what takes you to higher places and better situations. So I'm just saying, allow this to feed your strengths and your growth rather than using it to hurt yourself and others. Then you can release him with compassion while embracing your self and a better future. It's all a process, so I'm just giving you some perspectives which might help, without trying to minimize how painful this has been. |
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Post by violet on Feb 7, 2023 3:39:31 GMT
anne12 I'll try that tonight, thank you!! That actually sounds like exactly the kind of exercise I need. @introverttemporary I like that perspective too! And I don't think you're minimizing my pain, I really appreciate the time that you've taken to help me, that's exactly why I posted. I'm determined to grow and learn from this experience even if it was painful, so I can have a better relationship with someone else.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2023 14:57:45 GMT
anne12 I'll try that tonight, thank you!! That actually sounds like exactly the kind of exercise I need. @introverttemporary I like that perspective too! And I don't think you're minimizing my pain, I really appreciate the time that you've taken to help me, that's exactly why I posted. I'm determined to grow and learn from this experience even if it was painful, so I can have a better relationship with someone else. There is a ton of great discourse and info here, lots of ongoing recovery. 😊 |
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There is also some empowerment and self love to be found in situations like this.