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Post by dlans1 on Feb 6, 2023 8:38:20 GMT
Hello!
I am considering getting my date (DA/FA) a thoughtful yet inexpensive birthday gift for her birthday on March 5th. I was thinking of combining a pack of her favorite sour jellies with a small and cute plush toy.
What do you think about this idea? I hope it’s not too overwhelming. I’vet been searching for the perfect gift for someone who is avoidant, but I've had trouble finding anything useful online. That's why I've turned here for advice.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2023 15:04:49 GMT
Hello! I am considering getting my date (DA/FA) a thoughtful yet inexpensive birthday gift for her birthday on March 5th. I was thinking of combining a pack of her favorite sour jellies with a small and cute plush toy. What do you think about this idea? I hope it’s not too overwhelming. I’vet been searching for the perfect gift for someone who is avoidant, but I've had trouble finding anything useful online. That's why I've turned here for advice. Context? Is this the person you wrote about a couple weeks ago? |
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Post by dlans1 on Feb 6, 2023 15:32:18 GMT
Haha, yeah. By the way, she is DA, with some traits of FA, but nothing very extreme. We are in good communication and I seem to have found balance that works great for us. We are moving slow and steady  And thank you for either remembering or looking into my previous posts! I've been searching the web for ideas on gifting for an avoidant person and most of the results I find are from Reddit posts. The general consensus seems to be to either opt for something small, spend quality time together, or directly ask for their preferences. I am interested in hearing additional opinions and suggestions here! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2023 15:51:06 GMT
Haha, yeah. By the way, she is DA, with some traits of FA, but nothing very extreme. We are in good communication and I seem to have found balance that works great for us. We are moving slow and steady And thank you for either remembering or looking into my previous posts! I've been searching the web for ideas on gifting for an avoidant person and most of the results I find are from Reddit posts. The general consensus seems to be to either opt for something small, spend quality time together, or directly ask for their preferences. I am interested in hearing additional opinions and suggestions here! My idea of a thoughtful gift is something practical related to an interest of mine. Everyone's different. Maybe a small symbol of a private joke. I like sour gummies oddly enough, so if my boyfriend gave me those I'd like it, I don't find plush toys endearing at all for myself although I like to give them to children. Idk if women like that at all past high school, to be honest, and I'd avoid that choice. |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 6, 2023 15:52:12 GMT
Haha, yeah. By the way, she is DA, with some traits of FA, but nothing very extreme. We are in good communication and I seem to have found balance that works great for us. We are moving slow and steady And thank you for either remembering or looking into my previous posts! I've been searching the web for ideas on gifting for an avoidant person and most of the results I find are from Reddit posts. The general consensus seems to be to either opt for something small, spend quality time together, or directly ask for their preferences. I am interested in hearing additional opinions and suggestions here! Ok…first of all…she isn’t DA or FA…she is a person who happens to have an insecure attachment. Have you considered asking her what she would like versus trying to find something on Reddit. That is the way I would suggest you go about it. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2023 15:56:26 GMT
Haha, yeah. By the way, she is DA, with some traits of FA, but nothing very extreme. We are in good communication and I seem to have found balance that works great for us. We are moving slow and steady And thank you for either remembering or looking into my previous posts! I've been searching the web for ideas on gifting for an avoidant person and most of the results I find are from Reddit posts. The general consensus seems to be to either opt for something small, spend quality time together, or directly ask for their preferences. I am interested in hearing additional opinions and suggestions here! Ok…first of all…she isn’t DA or FA…she is a person who happens to have an insecure attachment. Have you considered asking her what she would like versus trying to find something on Reddit. That is the way I would suggest you go about it. Yeah the way that this person is labeled and researched is... Someone help me.... stereotyping and a huge indicator of a lack of authenticity and intimacy in this situation. It's so AP. |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 6, 2023 16:01:04 GMT
Ok…first of all…she isn’t DA or FA…she is a person who happens to have an insecure attachment. Have you considered asking her what she would like versus trying to find something on Reddit. That is the way I would suggest you go about it. Yeah the way that this person is labeled and researched is... Someone help me.... stereotyping and a huge indicator of a lack of authenticity and intimacy in this situation. It's so AP. I don’t know about the poster, but labels were a big thing with me. I think it is due to…1. Being labeled myself as a young kid and 2. When I was externally focused…I thought labels would help me to understand the needs of the other person so I would not make as many mistakes. The issue is…everything becomes focused around that label….it becomes very myopic. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2023 16:07:16 GMT
Yeah the way that this person is labeled and researched is... Someone help me.... stereotyping and a huge indicator of a lack of authenticity and intimacy in this situation. It's so AP. I don’t know about the poster, but labels were a big thing with me. I think it is due to…1. Being labeled myself as a young kid and 2. When I was externally focused…I thought labels would help me to understand the needs of the other person so I would not make as many mistakes. The issue is…everything becomes focused around that label….it becomes very myopic. Yes, and then the object of the labeling isn't seen for who they are. The labeler and the labeled are both emotionally unavailable unfortunately. |
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Post by dlans1 on Feb 6, 2023 18:01:35 GMT
The topic you are now discussing was a reason why I left my coach, as she was repeatedly demonizing my partner and promoting the idea of avoiding her based on attachment styles. This kind of stereotyping is indeed a problem. Love is about emotions and feelings, not categorizing people into certain types. My partner and I share many common interests, hobbies, similar sense of humor, communication style, behaviour in certain situations, both hardworking, we even fail in the same way (like skipping a bus stop accidentaly  ). Furthermore, we are both attracted to each other, which my coach didn't take into account! As I continue to interact with my partner, I'm realizing that the concept of avoidant attachment style is not as negative as it was portrayed by my coach and the internet. It's actually quite normal. I do believe that exploring attachment styles can be useful in the early stages of a relationship, but it should not define or limit the relationship. It's my first time dating someone with an avoidant attachment style, and I find it fascinating to learn about new things . However, it's crucial to have a general understanding of attachment styles. Especially your own attachment style!! Anyways, thank you for your advice. ——— Regarding gifts, I appreciate your input, introvert. I am aware of my partner's preferences, which is why I selected jelly sweets and a toy (it’s cute). The question I had was not about the specific gift, but rather the way I could show that I haven't forgotten about her. As suggested by tnr9, I should ask if she’s comfortable receiving gifts at all. Personally, I don't enjoy receiving gifts myself, maybe she isn’t too (P.s.: i use sentence fixers to correct my bad english, sorry for any mistakes) |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 6, 2023 18:46:09 GMT
The topic you are now discussing was a reason why I left my coach, as she was repeatedly demonizing my partner and promoting the idea of avoiding her based on attachment styles. This kind of stereotyping is indeed a problem. Love is about emotions and feelings, not categorizing people into certain types. My partner and I share many common interests, hobbies, similar sense of humor, communication style, behaviour in certain situations, both hardworking, we even fail in the same way (like skipping a bus stop accidentaly ). Furthermore, we are both attracted to each other, which my coach didn't take into account! As I continue to interact with my partner, I'm realizing that the concept of avoidant attachment style is not as negative as it was portrayed by my coach and the internet. It's actually quite normal. I do believe that exploring attachment styles can be useful in the early stages of a relationship, but it should not define or limit the relationship. It's my first time dating someone with an avoidant attachment style, and I find it fascinating to learn about new things . However, it's crucial to have a general understanding of attachment styles. Especially your own attachment style!! Anyways, thank you for your advice. ——— Regarding gifts, I appreciate your input, introvert. I am aware of my partner's preferences, which is why I selected jelly sweets and a toy (it’s cute). The question I had was not about the specific gift, but rather the way I could show that I haven't forgotten about her. As suggested by tnr9, I should ask if she’s comfortable receiving gifts at all. Personally, I don't enjoy receiving gifts myself, maybe she isn’t too (P.s.: i use sentence fixers to correct my bad english, sorry for any mistakes) I feel like we are missing some stuff here…..you initially came to these boards looking for advice and now i am reading about how great things are between the two of you. My topic is not at all like what you are describing from your coach…..what I was speaking of is an internal process of trying to understand both self and others through labels…which is something that people with anxious attachment issues often do. That appeared to be what you have been focused on when you write about her….even mentioning that she is avoidant is a label…..it doesn’t represent who she is…it is a bunch of internal survival mechanisms that she employs. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2023 18:57:35 GMT
The topic you are now discussing was a reason why I left my coach, as she was repeatedly demonizing my partner and promoting the idea of avoiding her based on attachment styles. This kind of stereotyping is indeed a problem. Love is about emotions and feelings, not categorizing people into certain types. My partner and I share many common interests, hobbies, similar sense of humor, communication style, behaviour in certain situations, both hardworking, we even fail in the same way (like skipping a bus stop accidentaly ). Furthermore, we are both attracted to each other, which my coach didn't take into account! As I continue to interact with my partner, I'm realizing that the concept of avoidant attachment style is not as negative as it was portrayed by my coach and the internet. It's actually quite normal. I do believe that exploring attachment styles can be useful in the early stages of a relationship, but it should not define or limit the relationship. It's my first time dating someone with an avoidant attachment style, and I find it fascinating to learn about new things . However, it's crucial to have a general understanding of attachment styles. Especially your own attachment style!! Anyways, thank you for your advice. ——— Regarding gifts, I appreciate your input, introvert. I am aware of my partner's preferences, which is why I selected jelly sweets and a toy (it’s cute). The question I had was not about the specific gift, but rather the way I could show that I haven't forgotten about her. As suggested by tnr9, I should ask if she’s comfortable receiving gifts at all. Personally, I don't enjoy receiving gifts myself, maybe she isn’t too (P.s.: i use sentence fixers to correct my bad english, sorry for any mistakes) I feel like we are missing some stuff here…..you initially came to these boards looking for advice and now i am reading about how great things are between the two of you. My topic is not at all like what you are describing from your coach…..what I was speaking of is an internal process of trying to understand both self and others through labels…which is something that people with anxious attachment issues often do. That appeared to be what you have been focused on when you write about her….even mentioning that she is avoidant is a label…..it doesn’t represent who she is…it is a bunch of internal survival mechanisms that she employs. Uh, yeah. And, your original post contradicts what you're saying here, OP. |
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Post by dlans1 on Feb 6, 2023 19:15:06 GMT
You are absolutely correct that I came here for advice and got my advice in two first responses. But I don’t understand why you jumped into discussing other stuff about labels. Subject is “Gift on birthday” in DA thread And what’s wrong with having things great and looking for advice at the same time? |
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Post by tnr9 on Feb 6, 2023 19:31:41 GMT
You are absolutely correct that I came here for advice and got my advice in two first responses. But I don’t understand why you jumped into discussing other stuff about labels. Subject is “Gift on birthday” in DA thread And what’s wrong with having things great and looking for advice at the same time? I was answering @introvert’s comment in response to mine. Yeah the way that this person is labeled and researched is... Someone help me.... stereotyping and a huge indicator of a lack of authenticity and intimacy in this situation. It's so AP. Threads are often opportunities to explore patterns of behavior. |
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Post by dlans1 on Feb 6, 2023 19:36:26 GMT
You are absolutely correct that I came here for advice and got my advice in two first responses. But I don’t understand why you jumped into discussing other stuff about labels. Subject is “Gift on birthday” in DA thread And what’s wrong with having things great and looking for advice at the same time? I was answering @introvert’s comment in response to mine. Yeah the way that this person is labeled and researched is... Someone help me.... stereotyping and a huge indicator of a lack of authenticity and intimacy in this situation. It's so AP. Threads are often opportunities to explore patterns of behavior. Alright, got you now and I apologize for confusion Anyways, I got my answers, thank you |
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). Furthermore, we are both attracted to each other, which my coach didn't take into account!