Post by crater on Apr 5, 2023 20:38:56 GMT
Greetings all, me and my ex are both FA, she leaned DA and I leaned AP during the relationship.
We were together for 11 months or so and for the first 7 months or so she would always start a fight over something trivial and deactivate on a monthly basis, however the last 4 months has been pretty good and we were closer than we’ve ever been.
About a week and a half ago I made the conscience decision to test how would she react if I was the one that started conflict with her through one simple constructive criticism comment about her flakiness and she deactivated the hardest I have ever seen. She started thanking me for all the good I have done, always being by her side, she thought I was her anchor so she always placed me number 1, and ended off with “now I know”.
For context her mother decided to abandon her after a few days of giving birth and her father has multiple wives
I think that I really hit a spot in her vulnerability area by criticising her when in her eyes I’m the one that would always be her support, previously when she deactivated she would always block me and I would go NC until she messages again, however for some reason I wanted to test out how would she react if I continued to love her as per usual even in her deactivated state.
We usually have our good morning texts and call each other baby at the end of the sentence so I continued doing so, while it took her a few days before she did the same. She has a tendency to go silent the whole day whenever she does something that she knows i’m not too fond of.
Had a gut feeling to rock up to her area and park where I am able to see into her living room, did so and gave her a call to check up on her if she’s ok, she responded by saying she’s super tired and she’s going back to sleep. No clue why I decided to stay parked and observed a little longer but glad I did, about half an hour after the call a male figure popped up in the living room, followed by her, then they both left the house to probably get food or something while I was still hidden but able to observe.
The sight wrecked me even though 2 months in to the relationship I already foreseen this situation happening maybe due to my FA doubt tendencies and cheating trauma with an ex. Although I was the one that social engineered this situation I was still very uneasy that she decided on infidelity.
I would like to think that this was her retaliation mechanism against me for hurting a core wound within her, and she would have reverted back to usual after she did whatever she had to do, unfortunately I caught it and after some processing decided to send a series of screenshots from our past conversation on how she would always ask me to think about her before I do anything, then ended off by saying “Now I know for sure, and i’m lucky I didn’t marry you” followed by a block. She then left the country, maybe it was pre planned or impulsion to avoid confrontation.
Although the entire situation could have been avoided if I kept my mouth shut I felt the need to test her commitment to me even though everything I did pushed her to do what she did. I am still running on so much cortisol on my system I have had maybe 2 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours.
The idea of me being cheated again, being disrespected (she literally referred to me as baby while she had another guy in her bed) is not sitting right with me. Internally I feel that I got the result of my experiment but I am disappointed by the results.
I think I could have gotten a different answer on how she would react if the circumstances were different and the result might have been different as well. However now i’m just feeling everything crash as I have dedicated 100% to her needs and when it’s the opposite end, she chose herself instead.
What’s wrong with me? what’s wrong with her? Did we both self sabotage? Why is love so difficult?
Fellow forum members, I would appreciate some thoughts or comments although whatever I have typed might not be flowing right, my mind is in a mess right now
TLDR: Fucked around and found out
We were together for 11 months or so and for the first 7 months or so she would always start a fight over something trivial and deactivate on a monthly basis, however the last 4 months has been pretty good and we were closer than we’ve ever been.
About a week and a half ago I made the conscience decision to test how would she react if I was the one that started conflict with her through one simple constructive criticism comment about her flakiness and she deactivated the hardest I have ever seen. She started thanking me for all the good I have done, always being by her side, she thought I was her anchor so she always placed me number 1, and ended off with “now I know”.
For context her mother decided to abandon her after a few days of giving birth and her father has multiple wives
I think that I really hit a spot in her vulnerability area by criticising her when in her eyes I’m the one that would always be her support, previously when she deactivated she would always block me and I would go NC until she messages again, however for some reason I wanted to test out how would she react if I continued to love her as per usual even in her deactivated state.
We usually have our good morning texts and call each other baby at the end of the sentence so I continued doing so, while it took her a few days before she did the same. She has a tendency to go silent the whole day whenever she does something that she knows i’m not too fond of.
Had a gut feeling to rock up to her area and park where I am able to see into her living room, did so and gave her a call to check up on her if she’s ok, she responded by saying she’s super tired and she’s going back to sleep. No clue why I decided to stay parked and observed a little longer but glad I did, about half an hour after the call a male figure popped up in the living room, followed by her, then they both left the house to probably get food or something while I was still hidden but able to observe.
The sight wrecked me even though 2 months in to the relationship I already foreseen this situation happening maybe due to my FA doubt tendencies and cheating trauma with an ex. Although I was the one that social engineered this situation I was still very uneasy that she decided on infidelity.
I would like to think that this was her retaliation mechanism against me for hurting a core wound within her, and she would have reverted back to usual after she did whatever she had to do, unfortunately I caught it and after some processing decided to send a series of screenshots from our past conversation on how she would always ask me to think about her before I do anything, then ended off by saying “Now I know for sure, and i’m lucky I didn’t marry you” followed by a block. She then left the country, maybe it was pre planned or impulsion to avoid confrontation.
Although the entire situation could have been avoided if I kept my mouth shut I felt the need to test her commitment to me even though everything I did pushed her to do what she did. I am still running on so much cortisol on my system I have had maybe 2 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours.
The idea of me being cheated again, being disrespected (she literally referred to me as baby while she had another guy in her bed) is not sitting right with me. Internally I feel that I got the result of my experiment but I am disappointed by the results.
I think I could have gotten a different answer on how she would react if the circumstances were different and the result might have been different as well. However now i’m just feeling everything crash as I have dedicated 100% to her needs and when it’s the opposite end, she chose herself instead.
What’s wrong with me? what’s wrong with her? Did we both self sabotage? Why is love so difficult?
Fellow forum members, I would appreciate some thoughts or comments although whatever I have typed might not be flowing right, my mind is in a mess right now
TLDR: Fucked around and found out
