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Post by anne12 on May 3, 2023 2:49:44 GMT
jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1073/healing-disorganized-attatchment-chock-traumaPeople with some fearfull avoidant attatchment style are more in their threat responce - they are in survival mode on the instictive level when triggered or when under stress They can shift between fight, flight, freeze, fawn, collapse When they are in this state they often navigate from the reptillian part of their brain and limbic part of their brain They dont have a strategy, that is Why it is called desorganised It can take some time to get their prefrontal cortex back online People can have situational desorganised attatchment style or more severe desorganised attatcmentstyle People can also have shock trauma People often have a mix of the different attatcment styles
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rykus9
Junior Member
Posts: 91
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Post by rykus9 on May 8, 2023 5:15:15 GMT
I'm dismissive leaning FA, I will say that some of my AP or AP leaning friends /partners tend to unintentionally focus on my issues or things going on in my life and want to fix things or find solutions. It can add a lot of stress and pressure.
Do you think you focused on him and tried to "help" him? Did you spend much time thinking about yourself or discussing your life?
Just things to think about, I'm not very well versed in all this but it's something I often think of when reading AP posts about dismissive or disorganized people.
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Post by flipno on May 8, 2023 18:13:49 GMT
Not anymore than I used to. He always took my advice and accepted help when I offered.
Only changed when I blew up on him bc I noticed this became a one sided friendship. He was always so open to sharing about his life and then he gradually started closing up.
This second time really has me confused. He hasn’t responded to my texts or calls. And also hasn’t responded to another two friends texts but they weren’t super close with him to begin. But my AP side thinks that maybe he’s ghosting them bc they talk to me.
I figured maybe something is stressing him out. If FAs experience external stress (I know he was struggling in college) do they also shut down/deactivate in general as well and ghosts others too?
I do know he has been in contact with one person during this time but idk how often. I only caught wind of it. So I’m just curious as to how FAs work in this sense.
Like how do you ghost everyone else but talk to some people normally?
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Post by tnr9 on May 8, 2023 19:02:58 GMT
Not anymore than I used to. He always took my advice and accepted help when I offered. Only changed when I blew up on him bc I noticed this became a one sided friendship. He was always so open to sharing about his life and then he gradually started closing up. This second time really has me confused. He hasn’t responded to my texts or calls. And also hasn’t responded to another two friends texts but they weren’t super close with him to begin. But my AP side thinks that maybe he’s ghosting them bc they talk to me. I figured maybe something is stressing him out. If FAs experience external stress (I know he was struggling in college) do they also shut down/deactivate in general as well and ghosts others too? I do know he has been in contact with one person during this time but idk how often. I only caught wind of it. So I’m just curious as to how FAs work in this sense. Like how do you ghost everyone else but talk to some people normally? Not all individuals who have FA attachment wounding “ghost” so I would not know how to answer your question. |
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Post by alexandra on May 8, 2023 20:17:57 GMT
People still want to connect and socialize. It's not hard to stay in touch with people you have only superficial interactions with or don't cause any stress at all (when you're someone who can't deal with stress in a healthy way). But I also think you're being too other-focused here still. People have different personalities and character too, so you're not going to get all the answers you seek as none of us can read his mind either. That's why it's helpful to recognize overall AP-FA dynamics, but then focus on yourself and what this is teaching you about you, instead of guessing what he's thinking or doing. He's out of your control, but your own responses and introspection is within your control.
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