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Post by kaivalya on Jul 11, 2023 0:13:21 GMT
It's been two years since he 27M and I 26F were together.
I found out I was pregnant, shortly after he cut off contact the last time I saw him. I was barely able to reach him by phone to inform him. I didn't go on with the pregnancy - it was an extremely hard decision to make and I cried every day for months.
Didn't hear back from him until around 8 months later. He apologized, we talked for some weeks, but he eventually cut contact again.
He reached back 3 days ago again. At this point I'm familiar with the dynamic and I'm not expecting anything to change.
Update: He said he was sorry for hurting me by ignoring me once again for months and that I was always kind to him, while he only let me down when I didn't deserve him, and he wished he was "better for this world". I told him he would always be important for me and that I loved him and forgave him. I thought this could come off the wrong way but I actually felt good saying it.
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Post by introvert on Jul 11, 2023 15:19:08 GMT
It sounds like there has been a troubling, painful past but absence and silence has created a desire to reconcile, with the hope that now, all will be well. Are you looking for anything in particular with your post, or just sharing?
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Post by alexandra on Jul 11, 2023 17:21:55 GMT
I'm not sure if you're saying you want to reconcile or that this was a nice closure conversation for forgiveness and moving on separately and apart? He abandoned you when you went through something very traumatic, and admits in his apology he's still taking actions like that even if they're not malicious, so my understanding from your post is there can be no trust between you in difficult times. Why would you want to accept a partner you cannot trust? You can wish him well as amicable acquaintances or people who care for each other from a distance but aren't really in much or any contact. Would that be better for you rather than reinvesting? It is one thing to recognize a toxic dynamic and let it go with love, it is another to recognize it and decide to tolerate it in the name of some sort of acceptance that inherently means you are abandoning yourself and your own needs in the process.
Things to consider as you continue to move forward figuring out how best to heal yourself.
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Post by kaivalya on Jul 14, 2023 23:07:19 GMT
It sounds like there has been a troubling, painful past but absence and silence has created a desire to reconcile, with the hope that now, all will be well. Are you looking for anything in particular with your post, or just sharing? Thank you for your reply  I haven't really talked to anyone about what happened :/ I feel safe sharing it here. Last time he contacted me, he said he was sorry and we talked for several weeks through video chat. He said we should meet and stopped replying a few days before we were supposed to meet. I don't really understand why he contacts and acts nice for a few weeks me only to leave with no explanation each time. Part of me wishes we could talk about what happened but I guess that's not ever going to happen. I do hope we can both find healing somehow. I have ran out of things to say even though I'm glad to hear from him. |
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Post by kaivalya on Jul 16, 2023 5:40:50 GMT
I'm not sure if you're saying you want to reconcile or that this was a nice closure conversation for forgiveness and moving on separately and apart? He abandoned you when you went through something very traumatic, and admits in his apology he's still taking actions like that even if they're not malicious, so my understanding from your post is there can be no trust between you in difficult times. Why would you want to accept a partner you cannot trust? You can wish him well as amicable acquaintances or people who care for each other from a distance but aren't really in much or any contact. Would that be better for you rather than reinvesting? It is one thing to recognize a toxic dynamic and let it go with love, it is another to recognize it and decide to tolerate it in the name of some sort of acceptance that inherently means you are abandoning yourself and your own needs in the process. Things to consider as you continue to move forward figuring out how best to heal yourself. Thank you alexandra. Your advice meant a lot for me last time I posted, when I was struggling the most. I wish I could tell him how I felt. The night before he left, he had given no indication he would. And when his best friend let him know I was pregnant, he said I was lying. He told me never speak to him again before hanging up. As I mentioned, although he has vaguely apologized twice now, we haven't really talked about what happened. And I know that still doesn't excuse his behavior. I'm also still conflicted in my decision. |
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