Post by joanneg on Oct 18, 2023 18:10:20 GMT
Please can someone help me on what to do.
I am coming out of a 6 year relationship with someone. He broke up with me just over a month ago.
We have had 2 “breaks” before that lasted no longer than 2weeks - both his asking but he came back.
I’m secure but lean anxious.
I can’t figure out if he’s DA or FA.
I think he deactivated the last 3 months of the relationship as as sex was non existent, no I love yous, no spending time together, lots of criticising of me etc.
When he said he wasn’t sure anymore I moved out and did NC for the first 3 weeks , it was the hardest time for me however I was busy and was trying to stay strong. He got in touch after 3 weeks about “bills” and to see how I was. He has reached out 2 times about bills. Is this reaching out using bills as an excuse or am I reading too much into it?
We chatted about bills and that was it, he called again a few days later again about “bills” and during the chat I said let’s meet up to which he agreed and text me to arrange a day. His text responses were slow (a day delay)and I thought best to not meet as it might be really hard for me and I was afraid it was me trying to force something when really he wasn’t interested. When I text to say best we didn’t meet and other bill stuff he called me straight away to “see how I was” (which wasn’t needed a text would have done if ) and I tried to be vulnerable and honest so that we could “connect” and I said I’d been finding it all very hard and I was trying to respect his decision etc. I basically emotionally crumbled. On the phone rather than having any empathy he just kept saying how it was his choice to break up and it was his choice and he didn’t want to lead me on.
I felt he was shocked by me not wanting to meet and then called to try and make himself feel better or something.
I just can’t understand how cold he’s been and unemotional after living together and being together for 6 years. The last few months of our relationship has not been good but generally we have had a good relationship. Before the break up I thought we were just going through a rough patch, I never thought we’d break up.
Does anyone know what is happening? Is he deactivating? Will he come back? What should I do? Should I reach out? .. I want to try fix things but I feel maybe I just need to leave him be if it’s not what he wants
Any guidance would help
I am coming out of a 6 year relationship with someone. He broke up with me just over a month ago.
We have had 2 “breaks” before that lasted no longer than 2weeks - both his asking but he came back.
I’m secure but lean anxious.
I can’t figure out if he’s DA or FA.
I think he deactivated the last 3 months of the relationship as as sex was non existent, no I love yous, no spending time together, lots of criticising of me etc.
When he said he wasn’t sure anymore I moved out and did NC for the first 3 weeks , it was the hardest time for me however I was busy and was trying to stay strong. He got in touch after 3 weeks about “bills” and to see how I was. He has reached out 2 times about bills. Is this reaching out using bills as an excuse or am I reading too much into it?
We chatted about bills and that was it, he called again a few days later again about “bills” and during the chat I said let’s meet up to which he agreed and text me to arrange a day. His text responses were slow (a day delay)and I thought best to not meet as it might be really hard for me and I was afraid it was me trying to force something when really he wasn’t interested. When I text to say best we didn’t meet and other bill stuff he called me straight away to “see how I was” (which wasn’t needed a text would have done if ) and I tried to be vulnerable and honest so that we could “connect” and I said I’d been finding it all very hard and I was trying to respect his decision etc. I basically emotionally crumbled. On the phone rather than having any empathy he just kept saying how it was his choice to break up and it was his choice and he didn’t want to lead me on.
I felt he was shocked by me not wanting to meet and then called to try and make himself feel better or something.
I just can’t understand how cold he’s been and unemotional after living together and being together for 6 years. The last few months of our relationship has not been good but generally we have had a good relationship. Before the break up I thought we were just going through a rough patch, I never thought we’d break up.
Does anyone know what is happening? Is he deactivating? Will he come back? What should I do? Should I reach out? .. I want to try fix things but I feel maybe I just need to leave him be if it’s not what he wants
Any guidance would help