Struggling to transition from the relationship to friendship

Good on you for being honest with yourself and on this forum. One of the characteristics of these relationships is that they are really difficult to let go of so please don't blame yourself - it seems to be part of the deal...

I think that by seeing him it sounds as though you're having to play  his game all over again - he wants friendship perhaps so he feels OK about things - and feels he has acted in a decent way, perhaps because he'd like to keep you just there without having to make any changes. Either way, it sounds as though it's hurting you and quite understandably so. 

Given he's been honest and said he's over relationship wise what do you have to gain by holding on except more pain and a longer time to remain in limbo so to speak. It doesn't seem possible to be real friends when one side still harbours romantic feelings  - the time for friendship is when you've reached a point where you really don't mind either way and it sounds as though you are not there yet.

From personal experience - somewhere between avoidant and secure, I needed space to grieve and really experience my anger/ sadness/ hurt without constantly seeing my ex and at some point along the way, I felt healed enough to see him without being triggered. The no contact was purely for my own sanity rather than an attempt to get him back - and it worked, allowed me to put my own boundaries into place and to build life without him. He would like to see me now - but I am uber wary about being sucked in and whilst I am happy to be casually social, for my own sake that is how it rests. We are no longer friends as such but I have taken down the walls at a time when I felt comfortable about doing so.

I admire people who can go into a relationship without having the overwhelming attraction from day one. It really should have been a warning sign when I said " I love you" on the first date and he said " I love you, but as a friend".   It took him 3 months before he could simply say "I love you".  He was always very honest about where he stood...even if he did not directly say"I am not sure about this" he would often mention his doubts. Those doubts just increased my resolve to win him over. I did take a 30 day no contact break 2 weeks after he broke up with me..and thought of him each and every single one of them. A secure person is able to release a partner in love and move forward it seems...whereas I am able to love him.....but struggling to let the hope go. I appreciate your response...it shows that I still have a ways to go with healing.

Thanks Yasmin....I have found the best way of trying to come to terms with my AP is to be honest about myself.

I thought when I asked him to not attend the group we met at (as part of the breakup) that it would be no big deal since he had not been attending the whole time we dated. It is a bit of a drive for him which is why I am perplexed that he has been wanting to come back since September. I thought by seeing him one on one first the feelings would lessen...but instead I had a set back and now feel like I am back to square 1.

What you are feeling are stages of grief - anger, lack of acceptance and yes - it does hurt. 

It strikes me from your post, that this is still all about him -  making him feel something even remorse or guilt, making things still work out. Part of acceptance is that you have no control over any of it - no idea what he's thinking and no ability to make him feel differently. If you can reach this point of understanding, things become easier because you will be able to focus on yourself and what you need. So that what ever your action it's not a reaction to the pain or hurt but rather a considered action which has self compassion at its heart. Sitting with emotions especially unpleasant ones, is the most difficult thing and most of us are desperate just to feel better. It helped me when I turned this on it's head and actually allowed myself to sit with the feelings and whirling thoughts - these eventually dissipated and the right course of action became clearer.

Maybe this is what you're already doing. It feels wrong because you want to feel better and so you feel the need to do something about it - but in reality being with it is the fastest path to healing and pushing it away by doing is a surefire way to make sure the feelings resurface at a later date.

Everyone has their own timeline, but I think it takes most people of all styles time to get over a break up.  We all think "we should be over it by now" but there is no set time.   It took me 2 plus years to grieve my last long term relationship and we never became friends.  You may feel stuck, but I think a lot of the break up process you are going through is natural.  Once you are able to fully grieve and move on, you can focus on dating a partner that will trigger you less and make you happy.  It's a learning process to get to a more secure place and then attract a more secure partner.

Try to put some of your hope towards the future and less on the past.  Allow yourself whatever time you need.  Enlist the support of friends. Be kind to yourself.

My ex DA said one thing and showed other things. "Don't get too attached" "I don't want a girlfriend" 
Then when I downloaded our mutual texts off my phone after a year, there were 13,000 texts. 2/3 of them me, but still...
Then he would let me know if he were going out of town or would be out of cell range. We were only FWB's.
I think sexuality and closeness get confusing. I never told him I loved him unless it was during sex. Then he could hear it. He only once said he loved me, like a friend...Yuck. 
My other two relationships that are over are still in my life. My ex husband is my friend and my ex boyfriend is my best friend. There is no way I could be friends with this latest man. I get freaked out even when I am driving in his area of town. It was an attachment, not a healthy committed relationship. I cannot be around him, He did not treat me well most of the time. Sometimes friendships are not possible.