Post by jfitz on Aug 16, 2024 14:25:01 GMT
Any advice appreciated- i’m new here.
My ex is FA leaning heavily avoidant, I am previously FA leaning anxious, earning secure. My ex and I were in a committed relationship for 18 mos, overall healthy but some push pull. As we were moving into next level of commitment, some of my protest behaviors and his fears reared their ugly head. I placed boundary and he went running. He broke up with me (really more of a discard) and asked me to heal my anxious tendencies and we could try again in a few months. I’ve done a great deal of work both before and since break up.
At seven weeks no contact he reached out to me and consistently reached out to me every week through phone calls and text. I had no expectations and kept things casual. he pursued and I mentioned getting coffee. he Avoided topic. In the two weeks after that, though, his calls became more intense. He told me how much he was hurting how much he missed me how much he felt that he sabotaged our relationship. How empty he feels inside and we had some really beautiful emotional connections. Also, some lighthearted flirty conversations. He then initiated a weekend together. He wanted to take me away and have us check out this lake house that he and I had previously considered buying and was still on the market. I knew it was too much too soon and should have suggested lunch first, but I got excited and accepted his invitation. Next day when I asked him what time we would be leaving, he said he was having second thoughts. I asked a few questions and he said he felt suffocated and wasn’t ready. and now 2 days later I haven’t heard another word. I know this is typical part of the cycle but we have made great progress so i don’t want to mentally throw in the towel. Can he come back around. How can I support this in a healthy way? I’m not tied to the outcome though I would like reconciliation if possible. We had a really honest and strong, emotional and physical connection. We are both victims of childhood abuse and so I am patient compassionate of him and myself. My heart is broken again though.
We’ve been broken up for four months. He says he does not want to stop contact just needs more time. Is this possible
My ex is FA leaning heavily avoidant, I am previously FA leaning anxious, earning secure. My ex and I were in a committed relationship for 18 mos, overall healthy but some push pull. As we were moving into next level of commitment, some of my protest behaviors and his fears reared their ugly head. I placed boundary and he went running. He broke up with me (really more of a discard) and asked me to heal my anxious tendencies and we could try again in a few months. I’ve done a great deal of work both before and since break up.
At seven weeks no contact he reached out to me and consistently reached out to me every week through phone calls and text. I had no expectations and kept things casual. he pursued and I mentioned getting coffee. he Avoided topic. In the two weeks after that, though, his calls became more intense. He told me how much he was hurting how much he missed me how much he felt that he sabotaged our relationship. How empty he feels inside and we had some really beautiful emotional connections. Also, some lighthearted flirty conversations. He then initiated a weekend together. He wanted to take me away and have us check out this lake house that he and I had previously considered buying and was still on the market. I knew it was too much too soon and should have suggested lunch first, but I got excited and accepted his invitation. Next day when I asked him what time we would be leaving, he said he was having second thoughts. I asked a few questions and he said he felt suffocated and wasn’t ready. and now 2 days later I haven’t heard another word. I know this is typical part of the cycle but we have made great progress so i don’t want to mentally throw in the towel. Can he come back around. How can I support this in a healthy way? I’m not tied to the outcome though I would like reconciliation if possible. We had a really honest and strong, emotional and physical connection. We are both victims of childhood abuse and so I am patient compassionate of him and myself. My heart is broken again though.
We’ve been broken up for four months. He says he does not want to stop contact just needs more time. Is this possible