Guilt and regret | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

Deleted
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Guilt and regret Dec 27, 2017 16:51:51 GMT via mobile

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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2017 16:51:51 GMT

I'm having a really hard time with the waves of guilt and regret for how I acted in my relationship.

Sometimes I was cold, critical and complained too much. Expressed too much negative emotion.

I know I can be very loving as well, but I can't stop thinking about I could have been better and things would have worked out.

He was a DA in some ways, secure in others. For the most part he was such a good partner, and I didn't tell him enough. I know he wasn't perfect. He shut down or lashes out in conflict, he was scared of commitment, and he didn't try to solve our issues or let me know my behaviour bothered him until he was out the door.

But I should have gotten a handle on myself without him needing to tell me.

I'm not sure how to deal with the regret and it makes me want to reach out.

tnr9
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Guilt and regret Dec 27, 2017 17:21:45 GMT

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Post by tnr9 on Dec 27, 2017 17:21:45 GMT

Hey Peonies....if you read enough of the posts on these forums, you will see that most people have some feelings of "if only I had done this...or if I had known then what I know now.. the relationship would have potentially lasted". I get that...I go through that on a pretty regular basis too....because I still love my ex and want a second chance. However....relationships involve 2 people and both people have to want the same thing for it to work. Also....remind yourself that you did the BEST you could with what you knew at that time. Self awareness is good...but you are human and as a human...mistakes/misunderstandings occur and both people have to be willing to compromise for it to work. The best thing you can right now is have as much compassion for yourself as you do for him:)

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Guilt and regret Dec 28, 2017 6:01:30 GMT tnr9 likes this

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Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2017 6:01:30 GMT

Thanks tnr9. I talked to my therapist today and it was really helpful. I don't feel as responsible as I did before, and it helped me to see how hard I tried and how much effort I put in. Anytime he ever let me know what bothered him (never spontaneously of course), I always did my best to address it and find out what he needed. I am also not a very anxious person... only when my spidey senses knew he was getting ready to leave for real.

Last Edit: Dec 28, 2017 6:02:51 GMT by Deleted

tnr9
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Guilt and regret Dec 28, 2017 12:39:00 GMT

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Post by tnr9 on Dec 28, 2017 12:39:00 GMT

I am glad you were able to see where you made the effort to meet him where he was.

. It is also good that you recognize that your spidey sense only goes off if there is a real problem. Mine still goes off all the time...in fact...it went off earlier this morning and I do not exactly know why...but it took visualizing my ex hugging me to calm down.