|
|
Post by Jaeger on Dec 29, 2017 1:32:38 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Jaeger on Dec 29, 2017 1:46:12 GMT
Coincidentally, this is also why no-contact has a healing effect when breaking free from such a relationship ; you are literally going cold turkey in response to an addiction.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2017 17:07:24 GMT
The Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet with Butterfly Wings "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."Great article! Thanks for sharing that. It does help why one can logically see something for what it is but not do what you need to do to let go. |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Dec 29, 2017 17:11:20 GMT
Hey Jaeger...I read the article and although I agree with it from a Narcissist, BPD and Sociopath perspective...I would not go as far as saying this is the "explanation" for attachment relationships. I have certainly felt that my relationship to my ex at times was more like an addiction.....however....I am beginning to see that these moments corresponded to my misinterpretation of my attachment system going off (anxiety) and my needing reassurance (fix). It happened to me last night when I got a rather generic text from my ex.....my attachment system immediately went into "danger Will Robinson" mode after I sent him a reply. Now...I had had a very nice text from him not 2 days before...so why was my attachment system telling me something was wrong and that I needed to be soothed...and be soothed only by my ex? It was interesting. Same thing happened this morning...my attachment system went off after I had a dream that involved my ex. Do I think he has ever purposefully triggered that in me? No. I do think my ex Narc would sense when I was going to leave and he would start acting charming on purpose.....providing me with a breadcrumb....which I tried to make a meal out of...but I don't think most DA and FAs employ the same tactics.
|
|
|
|
Post by BreakingTheSpell on Dec 29, 2017 17:17:29 GMT
Coincidentally, this is also why no-contact has a healing effect when breaking free from such a relationship ; you are literally going cold turkey in response to an addiction. Allow me to disagree here, it's been 3 f**** months of no contact and the desire to reach out remain the same. Anxiety levels have improved though. It may have to do with the fact that I have a hard time killing hope, but I don't know what else I can do. I have run out of resources. |
|
|
|
Post by tnr9 on Dec 29, 2017 17:22:51 GMT
Coincidentally, this is also why no-contact has a healing effect when breaking free from such a relationship ; you are literally going cold turkey in response to an addiction. Allow me to disagree here, it's been 3 f**** months of no contact and the desire to reach out remain the same. Anxiety levels have improved though. It may have to do with the fact that I have a hard time killing hope, but I don't know what else I can do. I have run out of resources. I did NC successfully for only 1 month. It's been 8 months for me...and yes..the hope is something I am very familiar with. |
|
|
|
Post by Jaeger on Dec 29, 2017 17:32:12 GMT
The Smashing Pumpkins - Bullet with Butterfly Wings "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."Great article! Thanks for sharing that. It does help why one can logically see something for what it is but not do what you need to do to let go. Glad to hear it! I was somewhat hesitant to post this as I think differing attachment styles and the different phases an individual is in after breaking up with people who employ this mechanic will change how much of this article they will be able to take on as truth, but we all have our own starting points and pace. The intent here is to provide a working model for a lot of the problems I've seen on these forums and it does a good job of that. |
|
|
|
Post by Jaeger on Dec 29, 2017 17:42:26 GMT
Coincidentally, this is also why no-contact has a healing effect when breaking free from such a relationship ; you are literally going cold turkey in response to an addiction. Allow me to disagree here, it's been 3 f**** months of no contact and the desire to reach out remain the same. Anxiety levels have improved though. It may have to do with the fact that I have a hard time killing hope, but I don't know what else I can do. I have run out of resources. That is about the time it takes for the feelings to start fading. According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, most people are able to bounce back from a split in about three months. That said, it's important to be active, do things you enjoy and to improve your life during the NC. Focus on your hobbies, spend time with friends, do new things. That shortens the time needed to regain control of your life. In the end though, these things also vary from person to person. Keep it up, if will only get easier with time. |
|
