Post by Guestee on Jan 16, 2018 3:12:44 GMT
There's nothing wrong with you. You weren't perfect throughout the relationship, but neither was he/she.
There wasn't anything you could have done differently. You did your best at the time. In fact you probably did more than the he/she did, because you wanted the relationship to work. To ask you to act any differently would be like asking you not to be true to yourself.
The only reason why you are hurting now, more than the DA/FA, is because you really wanted to the relationship to work, while he/she gave up.
I'm sure your friends and family have told you some or all of the above. In your head it makes sense, but during your emotional downs, you may feel like people leave you, you are not worthy, that you weren't good enough for him/her, you are chastising yourself for doing x and y. Your mind loops. But this is not true.
It's not about him or her anymore. It's about you. Learn how to love yourself and be ok with yourself.
It's ok to have needs, whether you are AP, secure or otherwise. Some of these needs require another person to achieve it. It's normal to have them. Don't let this bad experience with a FA/DA feel that you have too much. It's using the wrong yardstick - it's like blaming a person for needing food or air. I think the trick, if you're an AP, is to learn how to self soothe and be ok with it when someone doesn't want to do what you want. And when you build confidence, you will be able to ask for what you want directly.
He/she is/was not perfect nor is he/she the answer or solution to your hurting. The answer lies within you.
Much love and blessings....
There wasn't anything you could have done differently. You did your best at the time. In fact you probably did more than the he/she did, because you wanted the relationship to work. To ask you to act any differently would be like asking you not to be true to yourself.
The only reason why you are hurting now, more than the DA/FA, is because you really wanted to the relationship to work, while he/she gave up.
I'm sure your friends and family have told you some or all of the above. In your head it makes sense, but during your emotional downs, you may feel like people leave you, you are not worthy, that you weren't good enough for him/her, you are chastising yourself for doing x and y. Your mind loops. But this is not true.
It's not about him or her anymore. It's about you. Learn how to love yourself and be ok with yourself.
It's ok to have needs, whether you are AP, secure or otherwise. Some of these needs require another person to achieve it. It's normal to have them. Don't let this bad experience with a FA/DA feel that you have too much. It's using the wrong yardstick - it's like blaming a person for needing food or air. I think the trick, if you're an AP, is to learn how to self soothe and be ok with it when someone doesn't want to do what you want. And when you build confidence, you will be able to ask for what you want directly.
He/she is/was not perfect nor is he/she the answer or solution to your hurting. The answer lies within you.
Much love and blessings....