Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 9:07:51 GMT
Has anyone heard of twin flames? I was reflecting today and thinking how much I am like my DA (though with him I’m an AP). I realised that he represents everything I have shut down and suppressed in order to make my mum happy (be nicer, be more sensitive to people, others before you, etc - especially because I’m female). When I am “strong” I tend to be a lot like my DA, blunt, logical, not much emotion. Then it struck me that maybe that’s what loving myself is - loving this part of me that has been rejected and suppressed by other people. This part of me is now represented in the form of my DA. Loving him for who he is and what he is like, is truly learning how to love a part of me that has been deemed “bad” and “not nice”. Then I came across this term “twin flames” and thought, oh seems really relevant to my anxious-avoidant dynamic! If I use this framework, I am at stage 5/6. www.spiritualunite.com/articles/signs-twin-flames-relationship/in5d.com/tips-for-navigating-the-twin-flame-experience/Plonerwolf.com/twin-flame-stages/ |
|
|
|
Post by yasmin on Jan 29, 2018 10:40:03 GMT
I think it's a little dangerous to believe someone is destined for you though, because it makes you feel like you HAVE to make it work and no one else could ever possibly make you happy. I've experienced very strong connections with people that felt "karmic" in their nature, but it didn't mean I wasn't going to love someone else as much / be just as destined to have them too.
I remember someone said to me once when I asked her if I believe in soulmates "yes, I do. My husband and I are soulmates. We met, we chose to be together, we married and had children and we've stayed together through the best times, laugh, babies being born, financial troubles, illness, losses, hard times and everything in between. He's my soulmate because we made it so".
I think that is kind of how it is! (hope so)
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 14:38:48 GMT
True - self fulfilling prophecies eh?
I did some reading up on it. You’re not destined to be with this person in any fixed form or even stay together in this life. However, you are destined in your lifetimes to meet this other soul, who can come in many forms and shapes. This is, of course, if you believe in past lives and reincarnation.
In any case, I feel like my DA is my greatest lesson in life. Ever since I met him, the voices in my head that screams my angst and anger and sadness at my mum have become louder and louder. I believe that our relationship forces my suppressed emotions and wounds out to the surface, and I can choose to look at them deeply and work on it, or ignore it and suffer another round of it with some other dude again. The attachment story has happened before with my ex, with an almost identical plot. The only difference is this time it’s alot a lot louder as I’ve gotten in touch with my emotions better over the years.
With or without him as my life partner, I choose to see this as my life lesson. It would be sad if we don’t have a good outcome together, but if it’s meant to be, I guess it’ll be. And this twin flame narrative helps shape that message well for me (though I would caution against heavily depending on the story line of destined connection because it doesn’t mean shit if both parties don’t work on their own issues. It’s the same as anxious-avoidant dynamic — if you don’t work on your own issues, the relationship no matter how great it potentially can be, is likely a shitty one practically).
|
|
|
|
Post by yasmin on Jan 29, 2018 18:09:33 GMT
I do think we're predisposed to seek out partners that remind us of something (like a parent) also.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 18:27:38 GMT
True - self fulfilling prophecies eh? I did some reading up on it. You’re not destined to be with this person in any fixed form or even stay together in this life. However, you are destined in your lifetimes to meet this other soul, who can come in many forms and shapes. This is, of course, if you believe in past lives and reincarnation. In any case, I feel like my DA is my greatest lesson in life. Ever since I met him, the voices in my head that screams my angst and anger and sadness at my mum have become louder and louder. I believe that our relationship forces my suppressed emotions and wounds out to the surface, and I can choose to look at them deeply and work on it, or ignore it and suffer another round of it with some other dude again. The attachment story has happened before with my ex, with an almost identical plot. The only difference is this time it’s alot a lot louder as I’ve gotten in touch with my emotions better over the years. With or without him as my life partner, I choose to see this as my life lesson. It would be sad if we don’t have a good outcome together, but if it’s meant to be, I guess it’ll be. And this twin flame narrative helps shape that message well for me (though I would caution against heavily depending on the story line of destined connection because it doesn’t mean shit if both parties don’t work on their own issues. It’s the same as anxious-avoidant dynamic — if you don’t work on your own issues, the relationship no matter how great it potentially can be, is likely a shitty one practically). I don't believe in soulmates or destiny to meet another soul. I have definitely chosen partners that have some aspect of my mother (the unresolved relationship). The highlighted part resonated with me. I have chosen poorly over and over even with therapy help. My most recent ex is willing to work on himself, so as to not hurt me or at least lessen the issue. In this way, he is less toxic than my past partners, so I'm at a crossroads. Try to work it out with him and try to resolve my unresolved relationship or move on and hope I can choose a partner that doesn't perpetuate the cycle? I guess I don't believe in meant to be or not meant to be. I can choose one path or another. I think the choice is within my control, but choosing the right path....now that's another story. I do think it must be common to believe in soulmates or destiny in some way. I have seen that on dating websites soooooo many times. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2018 0:36:16 GMT
Yes, I think it’s just different frameworks for identifying the patterns. I myself am a psychologist actually, so I’m highly familiar with the attachment styles literature (weird how it all goes out of the window when you’re the subject).
However, some people might identify better with the idea of twin flames and soulmates and understand the same message through a different narrative. I Guess a little like how different Gods parrot the same message of peace and love?
The point for me is that we will always choose the same patterns and stories (I call it same story, different man) because there’s a lesson we have yet to learn. And in this case, push-pull, rubber band theory, attachment styles, twin flames, it’s the general lessons of
1. Self love, and consequently, accepting love from others
2. Boundaries - drawing (anxious) and expanding (avoidant)
3. Letting go of outcomes (anxious) and accepting the process (avoidant)
|
|
