|
|
Post by madamebovary on Jan 29, 2018 14:49:03 GMT
I’ll be making an appointment with my therapist today, as I’m clearly not as far as I’d hoped with working on myself. It took much less than I had anticipated for me to really stumble again. Can anyone recommend other websites, books, podcasts.. etc, specifically that have helped you as an AP, in becoming more secure?
Originally, I think I was focused more on trying to figure out my DA. Now....I’m honestly less worried about him and more interested in becoming a stronger person and healing myself. Idk what will happen with him, but my primary concern is healing myself right now. I can’t do this anymore, with him or anyone else.
Thank you for your patience and references.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 14:52:16 GMT
this is from the AP perspective, extremely beneficial for your own process. misses the mark on the internal process of DA but the self care aspect here is priceless. www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-blog/very proud of you for taking steps for yourself. be your own best friend! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 15:06:50 GMT
I found the following resources very useful in general, not necessarily just about attachment styles:
- Tiny Buddha website
- Teal Swan website
- Sadhguru videos
- Twin flames concept (disclaimer: I think the idea of being connected helps swallow the bitter pill of rejection better but not necessarily true or healthy to commit to it. But the idea is very similar - love yourself, work on yourself, focus on your growth).
- And all the links that have been posted in the forum.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 16:19:12 GMT
you’re doing great madame.
it takes dignity and self respect to admit you aren’t where you want to be and to take steps to find the right direction for your own well being.
we are all doing this.
have a great day and let it be one that nurtures you and helps you feel better instead of worse.
Healing is possible, don’t lose hope for that.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2018 5:48:07 GMT
this is from the AP perspective, extremely beneficial for your own process. misses the mark on the internal process of DA but the self care aspect here is priceless. www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-blog/very proud of you for taking steps for yourself. be your own best friend! While I like the insights in her writing, I found the constant and almost comically misplaced misandry highly distracting. It's almost like the core assumption for all of her writing (and her readers) is that being AP is a purely feminine curse, and that all avoidants are men. Am I wrong? |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2018 12:23:15 GMT
no you’re not wrong,
and she has the inner workings of the avoidant wrong too but she has helped a ton of women start to heal their own issues so i give her slack lol
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2018 12:25:13 GMT
it’s just her target audience, her book is titled
Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl
|
|
|
|
Post by alpenglow on Feb 2, 2018 7:59:48 GMT
I use/read BaggageReclaim a lot, despite being a man. It is true that her core assumption that being AP is a purely feminine curse is distracting, but I try to make abstraction of it. And calling avoidants for AC (assclown) and all that is quite annoying, but I see her point. The men described there are not only avoidants, but also quite narcissistic.
I find this resource helpful to get people out of dysfunctional and very unhealthy relationships, but not as helpful when it comes to the necessary steps in order to become more secure for an AP, besides respecting oneself.
It seems to me that there is no intermediary step between avoiding avoidants and suddenly becoming secure and attracting secure types. Perhaps I have missed the right posts.
Good luck with your new therapist, madamebovary! This is quite a big and positive step.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 15:56:13 GMT
I use/read BaggageReclaim a lot, despite being a man. It is true that her core assumption that being AP is a purely feminine curse is distracting, but I try to make abstraction of it. And calling avoidants for AC (assclown) and all that is quite annoying, but I see her point. The men described there are not only avoidants, but also quite narcissistic. I find this resource helpful to get people out of dysfunctional and very unhealthy relationships, but not as helpful when it comes to the necessary steps in order to become more secure for an AP, besides respecting oneself. It seems to me that there is no intermediary step between avoiding avoidants and suddenly becoming secure and attracting secure types. Perhaps I have missed the right posts. Good luck with your new therapist, madamebovary! This is quite a big and positive step. Algenglow, i agree with your assesment completely!!I am avoidant and agree that the assclowns she refers to are narcissists, and she totally misses the mark on what goes on inside mr unavailable’s head , (i am a female avoidant) However, the process of learning to listen to and love and respect oneself was very very helpful to me so i take what helps me and forgive the rest. |
|
|
|
Post by alpenglow on Feb 2, 2018 18:08:53 GMT
Yes, I remember that you are a female avoidant  True, she misses the mark on what goes on inside so-called EUMs. I think it's mostly because she is not interested in knowing at all. I can understand this point of view, in order to alleviate pain and unnecessary trouble for the victims, but gaining understanding is beneficial as well. This is what this forum is trying to do! In if you find good stuff on her website about loving and respecting oneself, please link us to it! |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 19:19:32 GMT
Yes, I remember that you are a female avoidant True, she misses the mark on what goes on inside so-called EUMs. I think it's mostly because she is not interested in knowing at all. I can understand this point of view, in order to alleviate pain and unnecessary trouble for the victims, but gaining understanding is beneficial as well. This is what this forum is trying to do! In if you find good stuff on her website about loving and respecting oneself, please link us to it! Exactly as i see it, it’s cool that we saw her perspective the same way, i think, being that we are the two sides of the coin. I did link to a great post on “Why you feel angry after a breakup” in the DA Q&A forum back when i first got here... i think the thread is something like “incredible healing resource for AP’s” |
|
|
|
Post by alpenglow on Feb 2, 2018 19:48:54 GMT
Right, thank you, I'll try to find it!
I must say I'm impressed by your level of insight and willingness to understand how APs work and putting yourself in their shoes, you being an avoidant!
From what I've read, it seems that avoidants are a lot less interested in doing this kind of self-work. Well done!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2018 20:01:25 GMT
alpenglow Avatar
Feb 2, 2018 19:48:54 GMT alpenglow said:
Right, thank you, I'll try to find it!
I must say I'm impressed by your level of insight and willingness to understand how APs work and putting yourself in their shoes, you being an avoidant!
From what I've read, it seems that avoidants are a lot less interested in doing this kind of self-work. Well done!
Thank you alpenglow, i shared a little more detail about my story in the thread Trauma Bonding by Mary, my fellow avoidant 😍 and the real deal is that i really find my life to be precious to me , now, and i assume everyone else’s life is precious to them too if we can just get past pain enough to heal.
I had to fight really huard to save myself literally and figuratively and i am all the way behind anyone else trying to do the same. We are all human, trying to figure this out.
|
|
|
|
Post by alpenglow on Feb 2, 2018 21:42:32 GMT
I really like your approach! It sounds humble and forgiving. Yes, our life is indeed precious. That must have been an eye-opener.
I'll read your story to understand a bit better when you come from!
|
|
