Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 21:27:52 GMT
and i am saying this having recently broken up with a DA, triggered into anxious sometimes.
it still doesn’t make sense to make him the bad guy, to me.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2018 21:33:52 GMT
the point i guess i really want to make is that the anxiety of theAP is not more sacred and pure than the anxiety of a DA.
You hurt, DA hurts, and neither of you are responsible for the other’s healing or soothing, everyone has to be able to do that for themselves before they can help another person so why keep pursuing comfort and validation from someone who can’t give it and making him the bad guy (or girl) when they respond by suffering in their own way and not being able to do what you want?
it is a dead end.
and it’s not reasonable.
|
|
|
|
Post by madamebovary on Jan 29, 2018 21:37:51 GMT
Hey there, yeah, I guess I call it stonewalling when I send a text or communication that asks for a response and instead of hearing that he doesn't wish to engage or can't respond, he says nothing. I've asked him in the past to just tell me he needs space and I will honor it and that blatantly ignoring me is something I cannot tolerate, it is my boundary. He is testing it this time by completing ignoring me, so my only response to that is to continue my work and stop engaging. In the past he has told me he ignores me because he needs time to process and doesn't want to say hurtful things in the moment. We agreed that it is painful for both of us to just ignore each other, so perhaps he is trying to send a message that he is really done, without saying it. I really don't know this time This is good to read. I mean... not good that it’s happening to you, obviously, KristyRose, but good for someone in the beginning stages of this. I recieved no answer from my DA regarding the idiotic email I sent, breaking our mutual NC. I have this feeling he’ll extend that period because of it. But because I am frequently the one that reaches out after these periods, it’s good to see that when NC is over and I text again (invariably, it will be me) I should send the text and then go about my business if he doesn’t answer it... not beg and plead like a lunatic (that’s going a little far, but there’s usually some double and triple texting on my part). ps- I do feel better now. Went to the gym, swam it out, got my nails done, started woeking on a work project. All in all... mostly used distraction, but tonight I’m going to sit down and do some more journaling and reading. And the therapist appnt is made. I’m glad I found you guys because in my real life, only two people know about this guy (since I’m actively going through a divorce... I don’t want the optics of a crazy love situation). Thank you Mary, tgat, KristyRose, Anxious, and everyone else who has helped talk me down the last two days. This community is really awesome. |
|
