Can people be combination types?

madamebovary
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Posts: 98

Can people be combination types? Jan 31, 2018 1:00:33 GMT via mobile

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Post by madamebovary on Jan 31, 2018 1:00:33 GMT

I have a question for anyone that can answer. So, I have been lurking on these forums a while but I finally started posting the last few days when my NC period with my DA was sinking in and my AP tendencies were really kicking in.

Well... before this relationship, I would say I’ve been more Avoidant in the past. I’ve had some Anxious moments, but with my 20 year relationship, I was much more Secure with some Anxious and Avoidant moments. In my teens and twenties (HS and college) I would say I exhibited very Avoidant behaviors and used sex in a more recreational way. I always wanted to wall off my feelings and “f*ck like a guy.” I suppose some of it was preemptively trying not to get hurt.

So... now... after over a week of being despondent about the NC, I feel... like I just want to wall it off again and if I do see him again, do so just for sex, to fill that need... like a weekly tennis game. I will probably bounce back, but I saw his Instagram post today and I was unaffected. Almost flat. No hate or anger, just... whatever.

So my question is, can you be combined type? Should I be reading about all types? I’ve been doing all this research on Anxious-Preocupoied. Or maybe I am totally AP but I’m just getting over being triggered/activated?

Last Edit: Jan 31, 2018 1:02:37 GMT by madamebovary

Deleted
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Can people be combination types? Jan 31, 2018 1:37:37 GMT via mobile madamebovary likes this

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Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 1:37:37 GMT

Yea I believe so, especially with different people. I’m secure in friendships and work relationships, and in most romantic relationships. It’s only the people I’ve wanted to marry I get AP. Or maybe I get AP then think I want to marry them. Now I’m in avoidant mode with my DA which I can’t tell if it’s just protest behaviours or because he reached out and triggered my avoidant tendencies.

Last Edit: Jan 31, 2018 1:38:50 GMT by Deleted

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	Can people be combination types? Jan 31, 2018 3:37:22 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 3:37:22 GMT I think there are so many factors that make up a person and effect how they act and think. Attachment is just one part of the puzzle.

madamebovary Junior Member Posts: 98	Can people be combination types? Jan 31, 2018 3:59:34 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Post by madamebovary on Jan 31, 2018 3:59:34 GMT Jan 31, 2018 3:51:08 GMT anne12 said: dianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/ Thank you for posting this! 😘

madamebovary
Junior Member

Posts: 98

Can people be combination types? Jan 31, 2018 14:47:00 GMT via mobile

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Post by madamebovary on Jan 31, 2018 14:47:00 GMT

Jan 31, 2018 3:31:44 GMT anne12 said:

Yes - ex. a combination of 50% secure, 30% anxious, 15% avoident, 5% disorganised.

Anne, I took that quiz and, per that, it would definitely seem that I’m combination, with AP being highest, secure and avoidant being next, almost equal. I know I’m pretty secure in friendships and at work. I was secure (mostly) with my long-term partner (who skews towards avoidant), but we were together so long I don’t think there was ever any threat he would leave me.

It’s pretty amazing, the long-term damage your early caregivers can do to you.

leavethelighton
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Posts: 792

Can people be combination types? Feb 28, 2018 0:57:42 GMT madamebovary likes this

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Post by leavethelighton on Feb 28, 2018 0:57:42 GMT

Yes, I'm definitely a combination type. In my marriage I'm somewhat more avoidant, and in my shall we say....intense friendships that I've historically wished were romantic relationships (with people I can now see are DA).... I'm AP. I have a lifelong pattern of desiring DA people that I wasn't actually in a real romantic relationship with. Fortunately I married someone who isn't DA and for some reason that brings out more of my avoidant side. GO figure.

leavethelighton
Honored Contributor

Posts: 792

Can people be combination types? May 1, 2018 23:51:23 GMT

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Post by leavethelighton on May 1, 2018 23:51:23 GMT

Gecko, I think infancy may affect how our brain works to some degree-- maybe it gives us certain tendencies-- but I definitely think that some of who we are in adulthood attachment-wise has to do with later friendships, family, and relationship-- even past teenhood.

On the other hand, whose to say the patterns and situations we ended up in later in life weren't at least partly a result of the tendencies we developed as a result of our infancies and childhoods. Some things are beyond our control (Ex: if someone we are close to dies, if our parents are addicts, etc.) but in terms of friendships and romantic relationships, if we are also most drawn to people who will be dismissive, critical, abandoning or whatever, and then those older-age relationships affect us when people are those ways, then it would be more like a link in a long chain.

Post by madamebovary on Jan 31, 2018 1:00:33 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 1:37:37 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2018 3:37:22 GMT

Post by madamebovary on Jan 31, 2018 3:59:34 GMT

Post by madamebovary on Jan 31, 2018 14:47:00 GMT

Post by leavethelighton on Feb 28, 2018 0:57:42 GMT

Post by leavethelighton on May 1, 2018 23:51:23 GMT