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Post by kristyrose on Feb 4, 2018 19:45:35 GMT
Hello everyone, I am in the throes of being ignored by my FA ex. Day 10 to be exact. At any rate, I do not deserve this and if any of you are experiencing it, neither do you. This article explains just how detrimental it is to ones health and well-being. It was a good wake up call for me to stop engaging/wallowing and MOVE ON exploringyourmind.com/silent-treatment-psychological-abuse-disguise/amp/ |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 4, 2018 20:32:25 GMT
Hello everyone, I am in the throes of being ignored by my FA ex. Day 10 to be exact. At any rate, I do not deserve this and if any of you are experiencing it, neither do you. This article explains just how detrimental it is to ones health and well-being. It was a good wake up call for me to stop engaging/wallowing and MOVE ON exploringyourmind.com/silent-treatment-psychological-abuse-disguise/amp/My case may be somewhat different to most people here, mainly due to time passed since the breakup. I don't think any of the people who were around when this was actual for me are still around, some year and a half to two years ago. What I have found, funnily enough, is that where my ex ignored me and shut me out at the end of the relationship, she doesn't seem to be able to cope very well with my going no contact for as much as possible. (We have children together, so 100% NC is sadly impossible for me). It has led to some strange form of pursuit from her side as she seeks to exert control over what I do in my life. I suppose that the point is that you shouldn't be surprised if no contact ends up leading to pursuing behavior from your ex. It might be helpful to think of a response if that does come to pass. |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 4, 2018 20:49:09 GMT
Hello everyone, I am in the throes of being ignored by my FA ex. Day 10 to be exact. At any rate, I do not deserve this and if any of you are experiencing it, neither do you. This article explains just how detrimental it is to ones health and well-being. It was a good wake up call for me to stop engaging/wallowing and MOVE ON exploringyourmind.com/silent-treatment-psychological-abuse-disguise/amp/My case may be somewhat different to most people here, mainly due to time passed since the breakup. I don't think any of the people who were around when this was actual for me are still around, some year and a half to two years ago. What I have found, funnily enough, is that where my ex ignored me and shut me out at the end of the relationship, she doesn't seem to be able to cope very well with my going no contact for as much as possible. (We have children together, so 100% NC is sadly impossible for me). It has led to some strange form of pursuit from her side as she seeks to exert control over what I do in my life. I suppose that the point is that you shouldn't be surprised if no contact ends up leading to pursuing behavior from your ex. It might be helpful to think of a response if that does come to pass. Hi Jaeger, Sorry you went through this as well. usually if I try to move on or get space, my ex will pursue me. When he goes NC he just ends up coming back and inviting me out for a drink or a movie as if nothing happened. He hasn't gone NC since we were still a couple, I told him at that time if he did it again, I would end our relationship - that if he wants space, all he has to do is ask. When he dumped me, I went NC for almost 2 months and he pursued me until I caved in. So it seems like his pattern is to pursue if I'm the one going NC and come back whenever the hell he feels like he's ready. I don't know if he will bother to come back since we are no longer a couple, but we did date as ex's for 9 months- so who the hell knows! Sorry, I'm so angry today. At any rate, you're right, if he should decide to reach out, I need to have a plan for myself in place. I can also just block him, but he will email or show up - so maybe best to think of a plan. Thank you :-) |
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Post by bedlam71 on Feb 4, 2018 22:56:52 GMT
It's a abusive. My ex thought she was taking the high road because she didn't argue.
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 4, 2018 23:03:38 GMT
My ex thinks its the high road as well.
However he knows full well how hurtful it is as he has told me when ive done it, he was miserable. So now all i can think is that the abuse is intentional
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Post by bedlam71 on Feb 4, 2018 23:16:32 GMT
I don't know if it's intentional. it could just be an automatic emotional response.
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 4, 2018 23:19:38 GMT
Perhaps ur right but at 10 days he knows its hurtful at the very least.
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Post by bedlam71 on Feb 4, 2018 23:43:02 GMT
It does suck. I'm at a month. I'm finally starting to feel some relief. I've really worked on my thinking about how abusive my ex was. When things were great, they were great. But it was always inconsistent and never moving forward. She is just not capable.
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 4, 2018 23:47:05 GMT
Im glad ur feeling better. Im sure with time I will too. I do remind myself that he is just not capable and that theres nothing I did to mk him who he is. Wish it didnt hurt so badly, like hurts tk breathe always on the verge of tears bad
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Post by bedlam71 on Feb 5, 2018 0:22:04 GMT
I can so relate. I would spontaneously cry. Logically we know we need to say no and let go, but the emotions are so powerful.
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Post by bedlam71 on Feb 5, 2018 0:25:30 GMT
I can so relate. I would spontaneously cry. Logically we know we need to say no and let go, but the emotions are so powerful.
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 5, 2018 1:26:42 GMT
In my case, it took around 2 months before I started to really feel better. Before that, there was a LOT of emotion to work through and it felt like going cold turkey. After 3 months, with enough distance, the realization and accompanying feeling that my life had only gotten better in every aspect had set in and it's been stable like that ever since for around a year and a half now. I would not have given up on the relationship myself due to the effect I knew it would have on my girls, which it sadly has, but I knew I had done everything I possibly could to make it work.
The truth I eventually reached is that you can't make a relationship work by structurally picking up the slack of a partner. If they give 50% and you give 150% (impossible figures, I know, but it's about the principle) it's not the same result as both of you giving 100% however much we try to convince ourselves of the opposite at times.
I really hope you'll get past that painful period and the addiction I described above, Kristy. You come across as a caring, loving woman that has a wealth of emotion to offer and I'm sad to see you struggle so for directing it at someone who doesn't seem able to treat that, and you, as I feel you deserve to be.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2018 1:31:57 GMT
In my case, it took around 2 months before I started to really feel better. Before that, there was a LOT of emotion to work through and it felt like going cold turkey. After 3 months, with enough distance, the realization and accompanying feeling that my life had only gotten better in every aspect had set in and it's been stable like that ever since for around a year and a half now. I would not have given up on the relationship myself due to the effect I knew it would have on my girls, which it sadly has, but I knew I had done everything I possibly could to make it work. The truth I eventually reached is that you can't make a relationship work by structurally picking up the slack of a partner. If they give 50% and you give 150% (impossible figures, I know, but it's about the principle) it's not the same result as both of you giving 100% however much we try to convince ourselves of the opposite at times. I really hope you'll get past that painful period and the addiction I described above, Kristy. You come across as a caring, loving woman that has a wealth of emotion to offer and I'm sad to see you struggle so for directing it at someone who doesn't seem able to treat that, and you, as I feel you deserve to be. so perfectly said |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 5, 2018 17:11:36 GMT
In my case, it took around 2 months before I started to really feel better. Before that, there was a LOT of emotion to work through and it felt like going cold turkey. After 3 months, with enough distance, the realization and accompanying feeling that my life had only gotten better in every aspect had set in and it's been stable like that ever since for around a year and a half now. I would not have given up on the relationship myself due to the effect I knew it would have on my girls, which it sadly has, but I knew I had done everything I possibly could to make it work. The truth I eventually reached is that you can't make a relationship work by structurally picking up the slack of a partner. If they give 50% and you give 150% (impossible figures, I know, but it's about the principle) it's not the same result as both of you giving 100% however much we try to convince ourselves of the opposite at times. I really hope you'll get past that painful period and the addiction I described above, Kristy. You come across as a caring, loving woman that has a wealth of emotion to offer and I'm sad to see you struggle so for directing it at someone who doesn't seem able to treat that, and you, as I feel you deserve to be. Jaeger, Thank you so much for these kind words. They do offer some comfort and I do at times see the light at the end of the tunnel. I also try to remember the valuable takeaways from what I have learned about myself, in the hopes I can have a loving relationship in the future. I hope the very same for you if you aren't already in one :-) |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 5, 2018 17:37:57 GMT
Part of me wants to just text him to let him know it is the last communication I will send him, that I am hurt and shocked he is stonewalling after knowing how painful it is, then block him. I honestly just feel like I'm being held hostage wondering if I will ever hear from him.
I know, only I can set myself free- but this is so incredibly painful, I just want some control and relief in the pain. I should have never started seeing him these past 9 months because I've only prolonged the pain and made the initial break-up so much worse.
Any suggestions?
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