Post by gaynxious on Feb 6, 2018 1:37:45 GMT
I've mentioned here before that I'm in a quasi relationship with an extremely anxious man, possibly the most anxious person I have ever met. He's in a committed relationship with a secure man, who knows about me, our relationship, and whom I predate.
I've mentioned that occasionally he is so anxious he makes me, an anxious, avoidant. And so we sometimes get into a similar cycle where he demands too much and I pull away but it's not as severe as the cycle I would get into with my avoidant ex.
But in watching him and his boyfriend, who I am fairly certain is secure, he somehow seems to create the anxious avoidant trap all on his own. He and his bf have these cycles of bliss followed by extreme prolonged fights and tension. But even when he is being extremely anxious the bf doesn't act in a way I would characterize as avoidant. He is generally resistant to having boundaries pressed beyond a certain level but not the flight or distancing response characterized as avoidant behavior.
So is this a one man anxious avoidant trap or is it just that he is so anxious even a little avoidance triggered in his partner creates the same pattern. Or is this maybe a clue that he isn't anxious but rather anxious avoidant with the anxious behavior more dominant?
I've mentioned that occasionally he is so anxious he makes me, an anxious, avoidant. And so we sometimes get into a similar cycle where he demands too much and I pull away but it's not as severe as the cycle I would get into with my avoidant ex.
But in watching him and his boyfriend, who I am fairly certain is secure, he somehow seems to create the anxious avoidant trap all on his own. He and his bf have these cycles of bliss followed by extreme prolonged fights and tension. But even when he is being extremely anxious the bf doesn't act in a way I would characterize as avoidant. He is generally resistant to having boundaries pressed beyond a certain level but not the flight or distancing response characterized as avoidant behavior.
So is this a one man anxious avoidant trap or is it just that he is so anxious even a little avoidance triggered in his partner creates the same pattern. Or is this maybe a clue that he isn't anxious but rather anxious avoidant with the anxious behavior more dominant?
