Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2018 11:51:17 GMT
So I realised most, if not almost all, of the discussions here is about romantic relationships. Has anyone looked at or dealt with parents directly?
When i first got with my DA I was such an AP. He was very much like my parents and it really angered or hurt me when he did something my parents used to do. It triggered me to the max, and it was also this time that alot of thoughts in my head that were always there but subconsciously so became louder and more insistent. My DA built my confidence up and then made me absolutely broken when he disconnected (but that confidence didn’t go away!). This was when I read up on attachment theory, and realised that he was simply manifesting every trigger I have with my parents, because he behaved like them. He’s 20 years older than I am, in fact. Could be a generation thing, or just dickish behavior thing.
During the course of the past year, I also had to relocate for work and faced new issues with my mum. I am now super avoidant with my mum when I used to be AP with her. She’s trying to demonstrate her love and support for me, but I just find it very self serving and imposing on me, and absolutely drives me nuts with her neediness and constant outreach for interaction. I have almost no interest in interacting with her because I’m quire tired of catering to her needs at the expense of mine. It’s all very small things - for example, walking into my room when my door is closed, talking to me when I’m wearing earphones and working, expecting me to smile and be nice when I am already showing on my face I’m annoyed as fuck.
Because of this, I’m somewhat more empathetic towards my DA. Because of my AP with my partner, I’m more empathetic towards my mum. However, I’m just too tired to bother with both of them and I’m withdrawing from everyone.
Anyone dealt with the anxious-avoidant dynamic with their parents instead of partners?
When i first got with my DA I was such an AP. He was very much like my parents and it really angered or hurt me when he did something my parents used to do. It triggered me to the max, and it was also this time that alot of thoughts in my head that were always there but subconsciously so became louder and more insistent. My DA built my confidence up and then made me absolutely broken when he disconnected (but that confidence didn’t go away!). This was when I read up on attachment theory, and realised that he was simply manifesting every trigger I have with my parents, because he behaved like them. He’s 20 years older than I am, in fact. Could be a generation thing, or just dickish behavior thing.
During the course of the past year, I also had to relocate for work and faced new issues with my mum. I am now super avoidant with my mum when I used to be AP with her. She’s trying to demonstrate her love and support for me, but I just find it very self serving and imposing on me, and absolutely drives me nuts with her neediness and constant outreach for interaction. I have almost no interest in interacting with her because I’m quire tired of catering to her needs at the expense of mine. It’s all very small things - for example, walking into my room when my door is closed, talking to me when I’m wearing earphones and working, expecting me to smile and be nice when I am already showing on my face I’m annoyed as fuck.
Because of this, I’m somewhat more empathetic towards my DA. Because of my AP with my partner, I’m more empathetic towards my mum. However, I’m just too tired to bother with both of them and I’m withdrawing from everyone.
Anyone dealt with the anxious-avoidant dynamic with their parents instead of partners?
