Good thing you ask, tgat!
My main way of noticing progress is through the eyes of others. Some of my friends, but primarily my therapist, after 6 years of work, can see how I have changed. I notice it myself, but hearing it from other people carries a lot more objective weight (remember that APs keep second-guessing themselves).
Ways of catching myself are gained through awareness, the repetition of similar experiences: awareness basically. It is on a very cognitive level, which is a lot more accessible than our emotional level.
Recovery manifests itself in noticing how I can appear quite secure in the early stages of dating. But I still tend to fall apart as soon as my fear of abandonment becomes too strong.
What has helped me over the years:
- physical activity: perfect way to disconnect and reduce anxiety, to release endorphines and to increase self-confidence
- self-help: learning about attachment theory and different therapies. I especially like Schema Therapy and ACT.
- therapy over time
- opening up to friends and family: this lessens the shame
- meditation/mindfulness: just starting with that, I can't quite tell if it's beneficial yet
- journaling
- inner child talk: limited experience with that, want to do more of it
- not giving up despite the pain. Always pushing forward. Stepping out of comfort zone
- traveling: another way to disconnect and actually be truly myself
- self-compassion: soothing the inner negative talk
- surrender: observing my pain and letting myself feel sad/abandonned without being hard on myself (form of self-compassion)