Lola
Junior Member
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Post by Lola on Feb 19, 2018 9:46:49 GMT
Has anyone else noticed that when DAs give excuses they often speak in an impersonal way (avoiding themselves, what they did) and instead use vague philosophy in their excuse?
“People react out of their own perceptions, so their reactions do not define one’s behavior”
Was the last gem I got. I wonder if he realised that I know what he’s doing and it’s nooot gonnna work
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 13:42:18 GMT
are you talking about a DA responding to an AP?
and you’re the AP?
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Post by yasmin on Feb 19, 2018 15:26:21 GMT
I can sometimes do this as a way to avoid saying something hurtful.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 15:29:59 GMT
i have done this because the listener wasn’t listening and was insisting that their perspective was the Correct one.
or trying to engage me in circular conversation.
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Lola
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by Lola on Feb 20, 2018 13:24:27 GMT
are you talking about a DA responding to an AP? and you’re the AP? Da to ap |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 20, 2018 13:29:41 GMT
This seems to me to tie in somewhat with the distancing strategy of sweeping generalizations mentioned in the book 'Attached'.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 13:36:47 GMT
This seems to me to tie in somewhat with the distancing strategy of sweeping generalizations mentioned in the book 'Attached'. it sometimes in my case was really just saying "enough!" to a toxic partner. not saying i was all right, but communication patterns of an app can sometimes illicit a reaction of exasperation and disdain. it's a DANCE. other partner steps too. |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 20, 2018 13:48:03 GMT
This seems to me to tie in somewhat with the distancing strategy of sweeping generalizations mentioned in the book 'Attached'. it sometimes in my case was really just saying "enough!" to a toxic partner. not saying i was all right, but communication patterns of an app can sometimes illicit a reaction of exasperation and disdain. it's a DANCE. other partner steps too. Oh, I get the reasoning behind it, and we all have moments where we think this, but the way someone chooses to express it is where attachment styles and the resulting communication patterns kick in. On the subject of saying "enough!" when someone keeps harping on, this is what came to my mind: Attachments:
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 13:55:44 GMT
it sometimes in my case was really just saying "enough!" to a toxic partner. not saying i was all right, but communication patterns of an app can sometimes illicit a reaction of exasperation and disdain. it's a DANCE. other partner steps too. Oh, I get the reasoning behind it, and we all have moments where we think this, but the way someone chooses to express it is where attachment styles and the resulting communication patterns kick in. On the subject of saying "enough!" when someone keeps harping on, this is what came to my mind: hahaha! and seriously, looking back i can see why the AP/DA dynamic is the most toxic of all so my best bet was to avoid it altogether and work to secure. for real. thats the healthiest kind of avoidance - don't get on the dance floor. 😬 |
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 20, 2018 17:59:03 GMT
Has anyone else noticed that when DAs give excuses they often speak in an impersonal way (avoiding themselves, what they did) and instead use vague philosophy in their excuse? “People react out of their own perceptions, so their reactions do not define one’s behavior” Was the last gem I got. I wonder if he realised that I know what he’s doing and it’s nooot gonnna work Hi Lola, My ex who I think is both FA and DA did the same. He would take the personal aspect out of every conversation and be very formal with me. It was cold and frustrating to never hear any kind of emotions coming from him, but get this, he cried at the end of Wonder Woman. WTF?! haha! He told me he was only in love once, and that it was fleeting and did not last long, that he is not able to do more than one task at a time, so when he is working he cannot think of anything else, when he is with me, he is focused on me, but that his capacities are limited. So, perhaps some of these reasons are why he comes across like a robot, because he really cannot access his feelings. do you think yours is maybe the same? has he given you some indications that he has limitations? |
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guest
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Post by guest on Feb 20, 2018 18:09:45 GMT
My ex avoidant always told me how her ex husband referred to her as an android. The other day when we were having a talk in the car, I told her she should drop the whole "I'm a robot" narrative. I said she's not any more of a robot than the rest of us, that she just has a short circuit in her limbic system :-)
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Post by kristyrose on Feb 20, 2018 18:43:25 GMT
My ex avoidant always told me how her ex husband referred to her as an android. The other day when we were having a talk in the car, I told her she should drop the whole "I'm a robot" narrative. I said she's not any more of a robot than the rest of us, that she just has a short circuit in her limbic system :-) my ex told me so little about his romantic life before me, only the duration of time he dated woman, usually 6 months and that they usually ended due to commitment demands from the woman. He never spoke wistfully about anyone in his life, very detached when describing people as if they did not mean much to him. I guess I worry or know, that I will be another woman he can forget about |
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 20, 2018 19:20:06 GMT
My ex avoidant always told me how her ex husband referred to her as an android. The other day when we were having a talk in the car, I told her she should drop the whole "I'm a robot" narrative. I said she's not any more of a robot than the rest of us, that she just has a short circuit in her limbic system :-) I'd at least hope for Android 18. (God, I'm such a nerd sometimes 😂) |
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Post by yasmin on Feb 20, 2018 21:21:00 GMT
Jaeger I love the way you now just throw in attachments just because you CAN  x
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Post by Jaeger on Feb 20, 2018 21:24:24 GMT
Jaeger I love the way you now just throw in attachments just because you CAN x Tremble before my new-found powers! |
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