Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2018 23:42:25 GMT
My ex avoidant always told me how her ex husband referred to her as an android. The other day when we were having a talk in the car, I told her she should drop the whole "I'm a robot" narrative. I said she's not any more of a robot than the rest of us, that she just has a short circuit in her limbic system :-) I'd at least hope for Android 18. (God, I'm such a nerd sometimes 😂) Did you summon me? God |
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Lola
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Post by Lola on Feb 21, 2018 11:33:18 GMT
Has anyone else noticed that when DAs give excuses they often speak in an impersonal way (avoiding themselves, what they did) and instead use vague philosophy in their excuse? “People react out of their own perceptions, so their reactions do not define one’s behavior” Was the last gem I got. I wonder if he realised that I know what he’s doing and it’s nooot gonnna work Hi Lola, My ex who I think is both FA and DA did the same. He would take the personal aspect out of every conversation and be very formal with me. It was cold and frustrating to never hear any kind of emotions coming from him, but get this, he cried at the end of Wonder Woman. WTF?! haha! He told me he was only in love once, and that it was fleeting and did not last long, that he is not able to do more than one task at a time, so when he is working he cannot think of anything else, when he is with me, he is focused on me, but that his capacities are limited. So, perhaps some of these reasons are why he comes across like a robot, because he really cannot access his feelings. do you think yours is maybe the same? has he given you some indications that he has limitations? We’re almost dating the same guy. Wow. So many similarities. Hyper focus, emotional unavailability and so on. Yeah he told me why he is like that, he knows about attachment styles and tries to explain, yet he still threatens to leave me on a weekly or two week basis |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 14:25:59 GMT
Whenever I made any attempt at fishing for definition, or like trying to curb our way out of ambiguity avenue, I always got his mantra:
"Does my short term action reflect my long-term goals?"
I was like... wat.
He said it to everything! I'm thinking he got it out of a book (he loves self development & philosophy).
I now see that it was his way of emotional distancing/evading whilst still sort of almost giving me what I wanted to hear, and hoping I would bend it to mean whatever I wanted it to mean without him having to be concise and commit to anything he said.
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Lola
Junior Member
Posts: 71
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Post by Lola on Mar 20, 2018 21:23:01 GMT
Whenever I made any attempt at fishing for definition, or like trying to curb our way out of ambiguity avenue, I always got his mantra: "Does my short term action reflect my long-term goals?" I was like... wat. He said it to everything! I'm thinking he got it out of a book (he loves self development & philosophy). I now see that it was his way of emotional distancing/evading whilst still sort of almost giving me what I wanted to hear, and hoping I would bend it to mean whatever I wanted it to mean without him having to be concise and commit to anything he said. Maybe ask him why is he omitting the point. If he says he isn't, say that you didn't get a conclusive answer to the ambiguity you wanted to understand |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 21:58:06 GMT
Whenever I made any attempt at fishing for definition, or like trying to curb our way out of ambiguity avenue, I always got his mantra: "Does my short term action reflect my long-term goals?" I was like... wat. He said it to everything! I'm thinking he got it out of a book (he loves self development & philosophy). I now see that it was his way of emotional distancing/evading whilst still sort of almost giving me what I wanted to hear, and hoping I would bend it to mean whatever I wanted it to mean without him having to be concise and commit to anything he said. Maybe ask him why is he omitting the point. If he says he isn't, say that you didn't get a conclusive answer to the ambiguity you wanted to understand I know you're right... hell, my intuition damn well knew it even then. I got the sunken feeling - you know the one. Kind of lived with that feeling for a few months. I just knew he was deliberately keeping me in the dark, but I did that AP "aw, well maybe he's a slow burner". Now that I look back, he tried ending things with us multiple times, or at least made jackass comments about me and us, that I put down to general worries. Eventually when I did ask for clarification and made it incredibly clear how uncomfortable I felt with the stagnation (only dating one night a week for months with no label), he blamed the "current state of our situations and logistics". He came over my house, cuddled me and we spoke a bit about it, and he told me "I introduced you to my friends and family short of asking you to be my girlfriend, because I like you." I felt like an idiot... literally the very next day he was weird as hell with me all day, and the week after, we broke up and he told me he essentially only sees me as a friend. Mega yuck. So I suppose that's what he was hiding potentially... he just saw me as FWB I guess. Fuck it, who even knows, since he took me to meet the people in his life. Fuck knows what he was doing with himself haha. |
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Post by Jaeger on Mar 21, 2018 21:00:39 GMT
Maybe ask him why is he omitting the point. If he says he isn't, say that you didn't get a conclusive answer to the ambiguity you wanted to understand I know you're right... hell, my intuition damn well knew it even then. I got the sunken feeling - you know the one. Kind of lived with that feeling for a few months. I just knew he was deliberately keeping me in the dark, but I did that AP "aw, well maybe he's a slow burner". Now that I look back, he tried ending things with us multiple times, or at least made jackass comments about me and us, that I put down to general worries. Eventually when I did ask for clarification and made it incredibly clear how uncomfortable I felt with the stagnation (only dating one night a week for months with no label), he blamed the "current state of our situations and logistics". He came over my house, cuddled me and we spoke a bit about it, and he told me "I introduced you to my friends and family short of asking you to be my girlfriend, because I like you." I felt like an idiot... literally the very next day he was weird as hell with me all day, and the week after, we broke up and he told me he essentially only sees me as a friend. Mega yuck. So I suppose that's what he was hiding potentially... he just saw me as FWB I guess. Fuck it, who even knows, since he took me to meet the people in his life. Fuck knows what he was doing with himself haha. Whatever he was doing with himself, the core of the matter is that you deserve better. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise or string you along. If someone really wants you in their life, you won't have to ask yourself if they do. They'll show it unambiguously. |
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