Lola
Junior Member
Posts: 71 
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Post by Lola on Mar 3, 2018 13:33:32 GMT
Hey loves! I thought it would be helpful to have a thread to share how we deactivate ourselves.
I try to see all the bad things about my partner, since my intrusive thoughts are ONLY about his good quality or "how could he" kind of thoughts.
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 4, 2018 0:44:21 GMT
Yes, sometimes that thinking about the negative side helps.
This is silly but if I want to stop thinking about someone, I imagine them in a gigantic bubble or huge rubber ball and then imagine myself kicking it off into space, like "Bye bye person get out of my mind."
Also I remember something someone posted here-- we don't actually want the person, but rather a non-existent version of them in which they actually wanted to be in our lives/be more reliable/more present/responsive or whatever we wish. It's a reminder to me to step back and recognize that what I wish for isn't something that I could viably have.
Also if I'm tempted to do a specific thing like email the person, I think of all the times I've wasted wondering if they'd ever email me back and I recognize I don't want to go through that again.
Sometimes going jogging helps.
There are guided meditations that can help-- for instance on all sorts of things like forgiveness, dealing with regret, loving one's inner child, etc. Check out the app "Insight Timer" for thousands of free guided meditations.
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Post by cricket on Mar 5, 2018 23:41:43 GMT
Hi, I try a few different things. If I'm up for it jogging w my dogs helps a lot and as I'm running I do affirmations in my head. Another one is thinking if someone wants to walk let them walk cuz your happiness is never tied to someone who would leave.
I also think about his issues , his abuse and how that has made it so hard for him to get close. I wish him love and light and drop it. I got that from a movie. Haha
When it gets really bad I will think about the toughest time in my life and compare it, and know that I will get through it and be happy again cuz I have gone through worse. Remembering how devastated I was when my ex that lived with me was and now I am totally over him.
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Post by Anxious D. on Mar 30, 2018 6:20:00 GMT
Workout . . . the type with a class that you are forced beyond your limit and sweat. Lots of sweating.
And, this is hard because when I went through it last (still am), the last thing my body wants to do is get out of bed.
Another trick is reading about the DAs and connecting the dots of my memories of her and realizing who I thought I had was not her true self. Still, 2 months later I find myself wondering about her and what she is doing; wondering what the F happened and how she flipped a switch and was gone.
Lastly, relationships. The part of us that misses the DA, is the part of us that seeks attachment. You can find this attachment in non-romantic partners that you trust. You can call an aunt who has been there for you; you can talk to a friend who doesn't mind the long tedious and repetitive wining; you can talk to a therapist (though it can be expensive and they are not always there.)
Hang in there my friends . . . your pain is all too real. Just know that for every one person that leaves you, there are 10 who would give anything to be with you.
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