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Post by tnr9 on Mar 11, 2018 14:15:00 GMT
I knew coming back was a bit of a risk because of my deep desire for "B" and my pattern of wanting to figure him out so that I can change and become the right person for him. I honestly had hoped that coming back would be more about me and moving forward on my journey...but I find myself reading the DA and FA posts going...is this "B"? and then swirling on what I did "wrong", how I missed queues, did not honor boundaries, could not find my way back to "chill" and kept pushing his fear buttons...and it hurts...really hurts because I truly love "B" and would never purposely want to do anything to make him angry, frustrated, fearful, resentful etc. So of course I am sitting in a pile of tears and regret. I know this will pass as it always does....but man...it hurts, stings, feels completely unacceptable and as a result, I just want to reach out...I want connection with "B" again.
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 11, 2018 15:22:16 GMT
And to be completely transparent...I sent him a text on Friday morning when I got back asking about how his job search is going...no response....so I am dealing with thoughts of him not wanting to talk to me, seeing someone else etc. In hindsight...it wasn't a good idea to reach out.
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Post by leavethelighton on Mar 11, 2018 23:44:21 GMT
I think the whole "what could I have done differently/ why couldn't I have been more chill/ etc. etc." is still being caught in some sort of trap of thinking you should change, that somehow you're the one who is inadequate. While it takes two to tango, "B" has his own imperfections and could also have been more accepting of you as you were.
I think it can be helpful to work on self-acceptance and self-forgiveness-- you did the best you could at the time given the situation, your resources, your history, etc.
If "B" was really going to be a caring companion, then whatever your imperfections it would have been something he could overlook, or talk to you about, or something other than his heading for the hills, know what I mean?
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