Post by aha on Mar 12, 2018 7:45:03 GMT
www.tracycrossley.com/231-journey-of-attachment-pining-for-someone-once-the-relationship-is-over/
Somewhere on on this site someone mentioned Tracy Crossley and I gave it a listen yesterday. Thank you to whoever mentioned it! I found the podcast on coping after a breakup (second on the page I have linked to) so helpful. For me, it is a long time since a break up but listening back, I remember some of the feelings and what I was doing. I did a lot of things well, that is important for me to recognise - but I have spent way too much time thinking about his part and why he did what he did and why he left for someone else..
Tracy gives excellent advice about bringing the attention to self and considering what part you played in the dynamic, and how to do this in a compassionate way. Let me share an exercise she mentioned in case you do not have time to listen. The key principle is growing from experiences by developing insight and she recommends a bit of mindfulness/self compassion to do so.
Take a pen and list list all the things in the relationship you think you did wrong and you can try to do differently in future relationships. Then consider all the things your partner did wrong, but only write down what part you played and could have done differently. This is your way of taking back power and control.
for example, my partner told me he met someone else he liked but he would end things with her. I responded by letting him know I would not compete with someone else and the following day I sent him a text saying I had found the news difficult. I could have been more open about my feelings for him (including prior to this) by letting him know I really cared about him and wanted to be with him but I could not do this if he was entertaining other relationships. I also could have asked a bit more about the circumstances of meeting this other girl.
Maybe this is not a great example, but we can always help each other with this? 😊
Somewhere on on this site someone mentioned Tracy Crossley and I gave it a listen yesterday. Thank you to whoever mentioned it! I found the podcast on coping after a breakup (second on the page I have linked to) so helpful. For me, it is a long time since a break up but listening back, I remember some of the feelings and what I was doing. I did a lot of things well, that is important for me to recognise - but I have spent way too much time thinking about his part and why he did what he did and why he left for someone else..
Tracy gives excellent advice about bringing the attention to self and considering what part you played in the dynamic, and how to do this in a compassionate way. Let me share an exercise she mentioned in case you do not have time to listen. The key principle is growing from experiences by developing insight and she recommends a bit of mindfulness/self compassion to do so.
Take a pen and list list all the things in the relationship you think you did wrong and you can try to do differently in future relationships. Then consider all the things your partner did wrong, but only write down what part you played and could have done differently. This is your way of taking back power and control.
for example, my partner told me he met someone else he liked but he would end things with her. I responded by letting him know I would not compete with someone else and the following day I sent him a text saying I had found the news difficult. I could have been more open about my feelings for him (including prior to this) by letting him know I really cared about him and wanted to be with him but I could not do this if he was entertaining other relationships. I also could have asked a bit more about the circumstances of meeting this other girl.
Maybe this is not a great example, but we can always help each other with this? 😊