Post by gaynxious on Mar 16, 2018 17:30:10 GMT
I'm wondering how other anxious people handle this question. With my DA ex I was always wondering why we had so much conflict. I was sure the things he did were weird and bizarre and that anyone else would find them hurtful. I would ask my friends and I think legitimately try not to bias them to agree with me but admittedly the way we perceive a situation is always somewhat biased.
But when I would talk to him about it, while I never found his arguments satisfying or convincing I still somehow felt out argued and left with the nagging feeling like it was all my fault or that I was the difficult one. I would ask my friends 'is it me? I seriously want to know' I didn't want to ruin a relationship that in many ways was satisfying and I truely cared about my ex and hoped we would spend our lives together.
Looking back now I can see the answer is yes and no. Were the things my ex did objectively weird and hurtful, no, but most people wouldn't appreciate them and I had every right to feel hurt by them. Could I have controlled my anger over them better, certainly.
But now I find myself in a similar situation with a very anxious man and I see a lot of the same dynamic and feelings emerging. I feel like saying 'no one is as difficult as you' or 'I don't have these problems with other people'. But this time around I can't say that without knowing, well actually you have.
So I'm wondering how as an anxious person do you answer the 'is it me?' Question. Is this how I behave with anyone I am in a more than friends relationship with OR am I specifically drawn to characteristics that inevitably result in these kinds of conflicts. And at what point is it ok to say 'ok yes it's me, but that's ok'. By which I mean, this is the way he is and this is how I react to it, it's no ones fault but if it results in this dynamic it's just not a sustainable situation. And when is it 'no it's not me' and when is it 'yes it's me and I should work on it'?
But when I would talk to him about it, while I never found his arguments satisfying or convincing I still somehow felt out argued and left with the nagging feeling like it was all my fault or that I was the difficult one. I would ask my friends 'is it me? I seriously want to know' I didn't want to ruin a relationship that in many ways was satisfying and I truely cared about my ex and hoped we would spend our lives together.
Looking back now I can see the answer is yes and no. Were the things my ex did objectively weird and hurtful, no, but most people wouldn't appreciate them and I had every right to feel hurt by them. Could I have controlled my anger over them better, certainly.
But now I find myself in a similar situation with a very anxious man and I see a lot of the same dynamic and feelings emerging. I feel like saying 'no one is as difficult as you' or 'I don't have these problems with other people'. But this time around I can't say that without knowing, well actually you have.
So I'm wondering how as an anxious person do you answer the 'is it me?' Question. Is this how I behave with anyone I am in a more than friends relationship with OR am I specifically drawn to characteristics that inevitably result in these kinds of conflicts. And at what point is it ok to say 'ok yes it's me, but that's ok'. By which I mean, this is the way he is and this is how I react to it, it's no ones fault but if it results in this dynamic it's just not a sustainable situation. And when is it 'no it's not me' and when is it 'yes it's me and I should work on it'?
