Post by jaleesa on Apr 10, 2018 16:04:47 GMT
About a year ago my DA/narcissistic ex and I broke up after nearly 7 years. I felt brainwashed, disoriented and I didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore. I’d completely lost my own identity and I couldn’t be more depressed than I was back then. Because he ghosted me from one day to another and ran off to another woman, without giving me any answers or a decent conversation, I started Googling. This is when I started learning about narcissism and attachment theories. I had an epiphany.
I used to blame him for everything and I couldn’t understand what was happening at the time or why someone would do this to me. There was a lot of self-pity and I took no responsibility for my own share. But it wasn’t his fault. It really was us, like he always used to say. Push and pull, love and hate, ups and downs, highs and lows. We broke up multiple times, but he would always come back to me. Not this time. I used to be manipulative, passive agressive, overemotional, clingy, jealous and selfish and the day I realized this, is the day I will never forget.
I had some work to do on myself, to say the least. In order to achieve that, I had to make the very difficult decision to cut off contact wit A LOT of people, because in my opinion, they were toxic. These were mainly friends of my ex, but because I’ve been together with my ex for so long, it sometimes felt like his friends were my friends too. I can best describe them as addicts, narcissists (one of them actually diagnosed), cheaters, thieves and unemployed. They stole from each other, encouraged each other to use drugs, they lied, manipulated, cheated with each others wives. A lot of them were in debt because of bad decisions, or couldn’t see their children anymore, taken away by Child Protective Services. It was a complete mess. Nothing good could ever come of this, yet I felt extremely attached to them. And sometimes I still miss them, even though this may sound crazy.
It’s not that I don’t have friends anymore so I really don’t want to come across as ungrateful or unappreciative, because I really appreciate the people who are in my life right now. They are the most reliable, pure and beautiful people I have ever met and I am forever thankful for everything they've done for me. I realize my ex’s friends were never really good friends and I still think this is the best decision I have ever made, I just can’t help but miss them sometimes and I really don't know why. My life is so different to this time last year and I couldn't be happier about it. I feel so much calmer, my life is much more stable without any highs and lows and I've learned so much, but sometimes I still cry because I miss my old life.
Is there anyone who recognizes this? Thank you for reading my story.
I used to blame him for everything and I couldn’t understand what was happening at the time or why someone would do this to me. There was a lot of self-pity and I took no responsibility for my own share. But it wasn’t his fault. It really was us, like he always used to say. Push and pull, love and hate, ups and downs, highs and lows. We broke up multiple times, but he would always come back to me. Not this time. I used to be manipulative, passive agressive, overemotional, clingy, jealous and selfish and the day I realized this, is the day I will never forget.
I had some work to do on myself, to say the least. In order to achieve that, I had to make the very difficult decision to cut off contact wit A LOT of people, because in my opinion, they were toxic. These were mainly friends of my ex, but because I’ve been together with my ex for so long, it sometimes felt like his friends were my friends too. I can best describe them as addicts, narcissists (one of them actually diagnosed), cheaters, thieves and unemployed. They stole from each other, encouraged each other to use drugs, they lied, manipulated, cheated with each others wives. A lot of them were in debt because of bad decisions, or couldn’t see their children anymore, taken away by Child Protective Services. It was a complete mess. Nothing good could ever come of this, yet I felt extremely attached to them. And sometimes I still miss them, even though this may sound crazy.
It’s not that I don’t have friends anymore so I really don’t want to come across as ungrateful or unappreciative, because I really appreciate the people who are in my life right now. They are the most reliable, pure and beautiful people I have ever met and I am forever thankful for everything they've done for me. I realize my ex’s friends were never really good friends and I still think this is the best decision I have ever made, I just can’t help but miss them sometimes and I really don't know why. My life is so different to this time last year and I couldn't be happier about it. I feel so much calmer, my life is much more stable without any highs and lows and I've learned so much, but sometimes I still cry because I miss my old life.
Is there anyone who recognizes this? Thank you for reading my story.
Be grateful for the good kind friends around you, pat yourself on the back for leaving an abusive relationship behind, knowing you can't change them. Look ahead, even as you look back nostalgically, you're on a brighter path and though you wish you can help them, you sadly can't.