Post by berrybunny on Apr 17, 2018 8:07:19 GMT
TL;DR
So I've been trying to date for the past few months with little success.
I'm 29 and have not had any relationships in the past. I wanted to jump in before it was too late and that's when I met the first guy A. I had recently left a contract job where feelings for a crush were unresolved. I think he had sensed this vulnerability and, upon learning that I was a virgin, began to imply that he was looking for a serious relationship without outright stating it. He flaked twice before we finally went on two dates. Things fell apart and he eventually ghosted me. I was devastated. I experienced great anxiety and depressoon during my interactions with him and after that my anxiety continued, which triggered my OCD as well. Friends later told me he was looking for sex and it was just an elaborate scheme for his own gains. After 3 months he texted me with a simple "hey
" and I texted him 5 hours later "hey".The end. I figured he was hoping to pick up where things left off and hook up with me and my lukewarm response seemed to indicate that it wasn't likely.
Now I've been talking to guy B. Months before while I was talking to both of them I was hoping that B would distract me from the intensity and rollercoaster ride that was A. We had planned to meet and he rescheduled on the day of, with seemingly sincere apologies and ended up flaking again the next week, saying he was under stress and was not in the right mindset to date. I was understanding and so he came back a few weeks later. After dancing around the idea we planned to meet, and during this time he would keep on commenting that I was understanding of him using innuendos and mentioning sex, and that he waa very interested in me. He once even sent a shirtless selfie with his boxers peeking through unbuttoned pants. I rescheduled a week before the planned date because I had too much on my plate. From his panic I believed that he genuinely was interested in me. We texted every day and he would often send long messages. However I found it strange that neither of us liked to say "good morning" and "good night", which even guy A would use regularly. After our first date he seemed to show interest, and I took it to be a good sign. However the experience with B scarred me for life as I was and still is very insecure and desperate for love to validate me. I would sometimes react to his seemingly distancing acts and I was aware that we were both holding back at times. I started noticing a pattern where we would stop talking at around 9 or 10 and he would greet me again in the late afternoon. I would panic in between as I felt myself becoming attached. During his exams he would often take as long as 20 hours to get back to me. Fast forward a few weeks and he confirmed that we were meeting on Friday. I asked if it was okay that I had a cold, and he replied that he was down if I was down, and he said that his brother was sick so he may get sick as well. Friday rolls around and what do you know, he says he's not feeling well. I felt obliged to ask if we should reschedule, which we did after he apologized profusely and came up with alternative plans to meet.... 2 whole weeks from that day! He said he had bronchitis the next morning and I tried to show genuine concern for him, which prompted him to get flirty with me. Me being me, i only sent a "im just worried 😶" to his "it shows you care😚", to which he did not reply for 6 whole hours! He mentioned before that he doesnt like to use his phone very much so i gave him the benefit of the doubt in the early days. I became wary that day, however. He said he fell asleep because he was so sick, and that he was would tough it out. He said he felt bad for making me worry. I got back to him and the next day it took him almost 22 hours to reply, which he again explained with the same reason, that he was asleep for most of the say, because he supposedly had taken Nyquil . I was alarmed by this pattern. I showed these texts to a guy friend and he told me I should just ghost him, and that he's just a fuckboy. If he really wanted to see me he would have made time despite exams, which by the way are over next week. I'm already heartbroken as I've become so atta ched to his supposed warmth and attention, and lately I'm really beginning to question my own judgement. What if I bring out this quality in guys? Maybe both of them were interested in me but were turned off by my insecurities and lack of accomplishments?
In hindset I think I was just weak and that mindset attracted these manipulative guys into my life. I don't understand why they can't find someone to hook up with. I'm sure they can. Why did they have to waste so much time texting me when it is highly unlikely that a 29 year old virgin would give it up to the first guy she meets? How do I stop becoming this self fulfilling prophecy?
So I've been trying to date for the past few months with little success.
I'm 29 and have not had any relationships in the past. I wanted to jump in before it was too late and that's when I met the first guy A. I had recently left a contract job where feelings for a crush were unresolved. I think he had sensed this vulnerability and, upon learning that I was a virgin, began to imply that he was looking for a serious relationship without outright stating it. He flaked twice before we finally went on two dates. Things fell apart and he eventually ghosted me. I was devastated. I experienced great anxiety and depressoon during my interactions with him and after that my anxiety continued, which triggered my OCD as well. Friends later told me he was looking for sex and it was just an elaborate scheme for his own gains. After 3 months he texted me with a simple "hey
" and I texted him 5 hours later "hey".The end. I figured he was hoping to pick up where things left off and hook up with me and my lukewarm response seemed to indicate that it wasn't likely.Now I've been talking to guy B. Months before while I was talking to both of them I was hoping that B would distract me from the intensity and rollercoaster ride that was A. We had planned to meet and he rescheduled on the day of, with seemingly sincere apologies and ended up flaking again the next week, saying he was under stress and was not in the right mindset to date. I was understanding and so he came back a few weeks later. After dancing around the idea we planned to meet, and during this time he would keep on commenting that I was understanding of him using innuendos and mentioning sex, and that he waa very interested in me. He once even sent a shirtless selfie with his boxers peeking through unbuttoned pants. I rescheduled a week before the planned date because I had too much on my plate. From his panic I believed that he genuinely was interested in me. We texted every day and he would often send long messages. However I found it strange that neither of us liked to say "good morning" and "good night", which even guy A would use regularly. After our first date he seemed to show interest, and I took it to be a good sign. However the experience with B scarred me for life as I was and still is very insecure and desperate for love to validate me. I would sometimes react to his seemingly distancing acts and I was aware that we were both holding back at times. I started noticing a pattern where we would stop talking at around 9 or 10 and he would greet me again in the late afternoon. I would panic in between as I felt myself becoming attached. During his exams he would often take as long as 20 hours to get back to me. Fast forward a few weeks and he confirmed that we were meeting on Friday. I asked if it was okay that I had a cold, and he replied that he was down if I was down, and he said that his brother was sick so he may get sick as well. Friday rolls around and what do you know, he says he's not feeling well. I felt obliged to ask if we should reschedule, which we did after he apologized profusely and came up with alternative plans to meet.... 2 whole weeks from that day! He said he had bronchitis the next morning and I tried to show genuine concern for him, which prompted him to get flirty with me. Me being me, i only sent a "im just worried 😶" to his "it shows you care😚", to which he did not reply for 6 whole hours! He mentioned before that he doesnt like to use his phone very much so i gave him the benefit of the doubt in the early days. I became wary that day, however. He said he fell asleep because he was so sick, and that he was would tough it out. He said he felt bad for making me worry. I got back to him and the next day it took him almost 22 hours to reply, which he again explained with the same reason, that he was asleep for most of the say, because he supposedly had taken Nyquil . I was alarmed by this pattern. I showed these texts to a guy friend and he told me I should just ghost him, and that he's just a fuckboy. If he really wanted to see me he would have made time despite exams, which by the way are over next week. I'm already heartbroken as I've become so atta ched to his supposed warmth and attention, and lately I'm really beginning to question my own judgement. What if I bring out this quality in guys? Maybe both of them were interested in me but were turned off by my insecurities and lack of accomplishments?
In hindset I think I was just weak and that mindset attracted these manipulative guys into my life. I don't understand why they can't find someone to hook up with. I'm sure they can. Why did they have to waste so much time texting me when it is highly unlikely that a 29 year old virgin would give it up to the first guy she meets? How do I stop becoming this self fulfilling prophecy?
