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Post by Deleted on Apr 21, 2018 22:27:14 GMT
I last talked to the guy I was last seeing nearly 20 days ago - the last message that was sent by me was a closure message, and the last by him was asking for me to call him sometime, and then another of him making conversation about me being up so late - which I never opened. That felt empowering. I just noticed that he's deleted his Facebook since then. I'm panicking - because I broke my sim after things ended between us, simply because I didn't trust myself. Now, faced with the fact that I have no avenue to feel connected to him in some way has activated my attachment and I am longing so hard right now  UGH. Insecure attachment is so, so painful. We "broke up" well over a month ago, and here I am, pining for this person again like a dog. It's so difficult - I know he's the wrong person for me, but this longing is so powerful when activated isn't it? It's almost terrifying knowing that now, I might never talk to him again, or hear from him again. I don't even know if he's tried to text or call me since I broke my sim. How are you guys navigating this? I feel incredibly lonely, and my longing is just so deep tonight. I really feel like a wounded animal. |
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Post by scheme00 on Apr 21, 2018 22:32:40 GMT
I feel your exact pain. The longing will continue as long as you are coupled up with this person. I will say that the only way for me to get that feeling of death in your stomach to go away is by “havening.” This has got me through the toughest of times. Go on YouTube and watch “Paul McKenna the havening techniques” and try it and please report back. This floods your mind with delta waves and removes the mental anguish temporarily and maybe even permanently. It takes my anxiety from a level 10 to about a 3.
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Post by tnr9 on Apr 22, 2018 4:11:27 GMT
I last talked to the guy I was last seeing nearly 20 days ago - the last message that was sent by me was a closure message, and the last by him was asking for me to call him sometime, and then another of him making conversation about me being up so late - which I never opened. That felt empowering. I just noticed that he's deleted his Facebook since then. I'm panicking - because I broke my sim after things ended between us, simply because I didn't trust myself. Now, faced with the fact that I have no avenue to feel connected to him in some way has activated my attachment and I am longing so hard right now UGH. Insecure attachment is so, so painful. We "broke up" well over a month ago, and here I am, pining for this person again like a dog. It's so difficult - I know he's the wrong person for me, but this longing is so powerful when activated isn't it? It's almost terrifying knowing that now, I might never talk to him again, or hear from him again. I don't even know if he's tried to text or call me since I broke my sim. How are you guys navigating this? I feel incredibly lonely, and my longing is just so deep tonight. I really feel like a wounded animal. It has been almost a year since B broke up with me....and I still desire a second chance. He and I are actually on speaking terms....he reached out today to ask if I was going to an event and it was a bit of small chat through IM...but I recognized my pattern of questioning his motives..and my mind made up 3 scenarios of him asking because he wanted to bring someone else (2 involving mutual friends and 1involving a girl from another church) to the event (completely unfounded negative paranoia)...it was absolutely exhausting and heartrenching to see my mind clearly present each of those unsubstantiated scenarios...but even worse, was my rejection/disappointment in myself for having them. I labeled myself as crazy, overwhelming, childish, paranoid etc. which is only a self fulfilling prophecy....my parents rejected me=I am not enough, I have over reactions to things out of fear of rejection from others and create worst case scenarios to protect against being surprised by rejection and then, what do I do? Reject myself. My brain isn't trying to think irrationally....it is trying honestly to protect me from hurt by preparing me for hurt....but I latches only onto the worst case and doesn't consider other things such as....it was kind of B to reach out...his responses were timely. I think we are so HARD on ourselves....I think having compassion for the fact that we are simply trying to get what we did not get from our caregivers is important. Disconnection feels like death..and in some way it is...because we have lost what our brain thinks is the only avenue to receive soothing. Do something very kind for yourself. |
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Post by leavethelighton on Apr 22, 2018 23:19:17 GMT
Scheme00, any change you want to post about "havening"? I am really not into watching videos.
To the original poster, one month isn't very long. You need to give it time. It would probably be helpful to find both a physical means of expression (ex: jogging or hiking) and a more literary or artistic one (ex: keeping an online or ink journal, writing and burning some letters, etc. etc.) The only way out is through, and that often takes a lot longer than a month...
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