Be careful with who you talk to...

I'm sorry that it happened to you, to encounter someone who rushed to judgment. You are right, we have to be careful about whom to share our stories with. When I was separating from my exNPD partner, I had an old friend from highschool who is single chiding me "At least you have a man in your life, you should thank your lucky stars!" Haha, she had no idea indeed.

Like the truism goes, for those who don't understand, no explanation is possible. For those who do, no explanation is necessary.

You don't have to defend yourself, you know your situation best.

You now know whom you can trust to walk with on this type of journey, and whom you can't.

I read about a psychologist's perspective/metaphor that I found extremely interesting and helpful in quickly identifying the traits of those who are secure and those who might have issues.

It's the Splash Theory. Elinor Greenberg was at the pool and she was admiring some world class swimmers doing their training. They were gliding so smoothly, so quickly, so effortlessly in the water, they hardly made any splash, yet they were making great strides forward.

Then she was at another pool close to the kids' pool, and she observed the kids making a ruckus, splashing everyone around, including the adults, and often intentionally.

She started thinking - the people who are truly secure, stable, grounded navigate life like the professional swimmers, they do not splash others, they instill confidence, calm, trust, you know you can count on them to smoothly get to the other side.

The high splash people we encounter are like the kids in the pool, they have no idea, no concept of others' presence, and their boundaries. They feel free to splash you, perhaps not with any intended malice, but splash they do. Lots of drama, lots of unnecessary stress, they feel entitled, etc.

I'm using this metaphor to help identify the personalities of those around me, and I do find that the people in my life I like the most are the smooth swimmers, even though I have female friends who are naughty and doing some playful splashing at times, but they are fundamentally steady swimmers.

The bright side of this experience is you gain some insight about your colleague and what triggers you from this.

You get to know her better now, and you get to practice how to handle such situations. You thank such people for sharing their opinion but no, you do not agree and refuse her "gift". Don't let it in, thus it stays with her. Smile, move on, knowing that you've grown stronger every time you overcome these triggers.