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Post by scheme00 on May 13, 2018 1:30:50 GMT
Dated a girl for 4 months. Things were going well and we had a great time. She was married before for 13 years and has been divorced for 2 and had a kid with her previous ex that is a famous sports player. So he’s still in the background somewhat with kid but the way she talked about him was without respect so I assume that she’s not romantically attached to him. But maybe she still is because of his high status.
Anyway, she planned a trip for us and she cancelled 3 days prior because she said she got called into work. I said “no problem.” I found out through her friends social media that she went on the trip with her girlfriend instead. I sent her a screenshot and she told me she wasn’t ready for a trip yet and didn’t know how to tell me so she lied and was sorry. I told her I appreciated all of the times we shared and dumped her. She said she was still figuring things out but understands. Oh well...next...no time for lying partners.
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Post by szorn2296 on May 13, 2018 4:13:05 GMT
Do you think she may have more avoidant than anxious behaviors?
I believe my ex is fearful-avoidant and I actually ran into a similar situation with him. He invited me to his work party (he actually has a sports job, so it is a high profile event) and then as it got closer, kept saying he had no information on the party and wasn't sure if they were having it. I was in town that weekend, and he never mentioned the party, so I assumed it did not happen.
The next day, I found out through social media that it did. I was confused so I asked him if there was a reason he felt he couldn't be honest with me about it or a reason he decided not to go? He was extremely embarrassed and explained that not many guys went and they found out about it last minute and that he appreciated me calling him out on it because he talks about how important honesty is and he felt bad. He also stated that his work world, because his job is high-profile, is not normal and he desperately wants normal, so it is hard to bring people into that world when he doesn't even feel comfortable in it himself. This was confusing, considering he invited me to the event very early on and seemed excited to bring me, then I guess suddenly panicked about it? This was the first issue at all in our relationship, very early on, so I waved it and told him it was not a big deal at all.
As it turns out, this was normal behavior for him. Avoiding and not properly communicating. It got exhausting and extremely bizarre.
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Post by scheme00 on May 13, 2018 4:26:22 GMT
I think she may be FA. But I’m ap->secure so I posted it here! But yes, this girls behavior seems a little bit FA. My last GF was hard core dismissive so the way she acted was very different. My whole take on it is that if she acts like this at the beginning, if I get further involved then what will she do once I’m totally invested? I ejected, didn’t want to but I must look ay myself in the mirror every day and know I respect myself and set boundaries.
Your situation sounds extremely similar. If you could go back would you have stayed with him knowing you have seen the red flags like I have?
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Post by szorn2296 on May 13, 2018 4:47:35 GMT
I think she may be FA. But I’m ap->secure so I posted it here! But yes, this girls behavior seems a little bit FA. My last GF was hard core dismissive so the way she acted was very different. My whole take on it is that if she acts like this at the beginning, if I get further involved then what will she do once I’m totally invested? I ejected, didn’t want to but I must look ay myself in the mirror every day and know I respect myself and set boundaries. Your situation sounds extremely similar. If you could go back would you have stayed with him knowing you have seen the red flags like I have? Ah, that makes sense! Yes, good for you for letting that go before it got worse. I'm here to say it only got worse over the next several months. Deep down I knew in my gut that the work party thing was a red flag. It just felt off, but I have never dated someone with that kind of job so I told myself I shouldn't try to understand his reasoning and that he would invite me into that world when he was ready and his hesitations were understandable (we had only been dating two months). His explanation sounded innocent and legitimate (and I think it was, somewhat, but a secure person could and would have communicated this properly rather than avoiding it/being dishonest). I have learned through this situation, always go with your gut. Ultimately, that's what led to me walking away about a month ago. I just knew that it wasn't right and these behaviors were too bizarre to justify anymore. I just posted a long thread explanation about him in the fearful-avoidant one earlier today. |
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Post by DearLover on May 13, 2018 12:02:06 GMT
Well done.
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Post by yasmin on May 13, 2018 13:09:22 GMT
Lying about something like that should be a deal breaker. Well done
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