Help / Support required

also- i learned breath meditation when i was terrified, and locked myself in a bathroom to protect myself even while my assailant was trying to remove the door.
horrifying.

BUT!!
i was making a concerted effort not to lose myself so i put
drops of Frankincense oil in my palms, cupped my palms over my face, and breathed in and out, as though i was all by myself, untouchable with my holy oil.

it worked over time , over many episodes, and with practice.
and it turns out that frankincense has healing properties for anxiety and panic and despair. it apparently effects the nervous system in a beneficial way, how perfect.

maybe give yourself the gift of a bottle of frankincense and remember you are not alone , and breathe in an out ❤️

i am so sorry that you've been through the severity of that.
in every way, you are being reconstructed.
I feared that too many times to count, was so aware that my face could be broken and changed forever, or that i would lose my life , i faced my mortality in the moment more times than i care to or am able to count.

i came to the place of standing solidly in my life. If you haven't ended it, asshole, we're good, i'm good, and we're just going through some motions. I literally began to defy death- if it wasn't upon me, well then, what's to fear.

Crazy how we can survive, but we do.

I get it. I get it!!

The perpetrators that i faced all "got away " with it also- and some of them, by my choice. What happens to a survivor in a legal proces is REVICTIMIZATION and i chose to forego law enforcement involvement in some of the worst situations. Out of love and protection for myself. I vowed to get my closure and vindication internally by coming out stronger, wiser, softer, more tender, more resilient, and more alive.

You are not alone, sister.

Thank you juniper xxx  More tears.  I was frantically trying to find the oil, then did and have tried the breathing, which has helped.

Yes - my face was affected (but it's actually OK and I know I am attractive / have had validation of that, despite their attempts).

I have also had numerous other experiences of my life being (seriously) under threat.
And I've has the revictimisation stuff - sometimes with the law turning on me, sometimes with me.
I am also surprised at my resilience, sometimes.

It's calming to encounter someone that 'gets it' - we'll hold hands virtually xx

I also vowed similar to you.  

I think I'm OK until something like that happens.  It is horrific that we were allowed to go through that sort of stuff.

My perpetrators are seen as good people by some, that's the irony. (but I know that they are terribly unhappy inside).

I'm a bit all over the place, so apologies for the typing.

We're strong though, aren't we?!

I want to hug you really hard ... but that's my AP-side calling :-)

xx

I miscarried - and that was / is still used as a humiliation.

But I am still alive .
Big fat hugs xx

Still have you in mind WarriorGirl- how you doing?

I understand the inside of what you are going through SO WELL.
My story is so so so similar.
I grew up a scapegoat in a pathological, fundamental religious family full of addiction and short on empathy.
I was groomed by trauma, into trauma.
I was isolated in a system that kept me down.
down hard, way down.
psychologically, the abuse, oh it makes my chest hard as a rock to bring it up right now because i know you are suffering like i did.
Ugh.
Ok- yes i turned to my family to help when i was being brutally harmed and was rebuffed, my truth denied, if accepted as truth then it was twisted to place blame on me, i was scapegoated again , i was humiliated, i was maligned and insulted.
Oh! the agony of this trap, i can't go on, just know that I KNOW.
I escaped because of a miraculous intervention , i can't share details but i had to leave my family system to be safe.

It's been years of discovering and healing.
I'm a long way from any triggers about all that, i have no violence or abuse in my life whatsoever.

But when i finally was believed by someone , finally supported and understood and validated, the storm of emotion i found myself in was so much to endure, oh i get it, i get everything from the inside of your situation .
Indescribable.
I used to lose days to triggers, not any more.
I am at peace, reconciled inside, and free.

I am glad i could be here for you. I do get it.
Get some Frankincense and breathe it, remember that you are not alone, and really there is so much working together in your life to heal you, your breath can be a celebration, you can enjoy it, you can smile when you breathe.