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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2018 1:31:19 GMT
Diane suggests that you take the test 6 times. One thinking of your dad, one mother, one with each of your exes, one when you were stressed and one when you were calm. FA - if you have been scared by your parents or your home enviroment or by the way your parents connected has been scary to you as a child, a part of you often becomes desorganized. yes- witnessed bloody violence between them. i went to their conflicts to see what was going on and each tried to enlist me to help them, it was scary and shitty because to help either would have been disloyal to the other. so there ya go, i get it. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2018 1:37:00 GMT
12 secure 28.8% 16 avoidant dismissive 38.1% 10 ambivalent/anxious 23% 4 disorganised 9% disorganised Not surprising I am confused! ocarina, i get confused too. lol!! sometimes when you post it's like seeing my own reflection! only your words are eloquent. Then, sometimes i pick up anxiety and i'm like "wuhhhhhhh?!" because i relate to you so well as dismissive! it fascinates me actually to be so alike and yet- there is an element that is very foreign to me. ahhh, attachment injury.... you confound. we got this! 😃😘 |
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Post by ocarina on Aug 8, 2018 5:48:08 GMT
Interestingly I think until recently I was pretty much pure DA with very very little anxiety - until I allowed some kind of vulnerability - sadly with two consecutive partners who were not trusted and stable. The growth to feel was a big step, although perhaps it would have been best accompanied by some wisdom about the safety of trusting the untrustworthy, or people who hadn't gained my trust! Still it's all learning.
Under my dismissive, there's a delicate raw human who squirms a little sometimes. I think Juniper you've been at this healing business in earnest for a long time - I really aspire to the security that has brought for you and the ability to be open when appropriate, to other people.
I tested dismissive on this test BTW
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Post by goldilocks on Aug 8, 2018 6:17:33 GMT
Interestingly I think until recently I was pretty much pure DA with very very little anxiety - until I allowed some kind of vulnerability - sadly with two consecutive partners who were not trusted and stable. The growth to feel was a big step, although perhaps it would have been best accompanied by some wisdom about the safety of trusting the untrustworthy, or people who hadn't gained my trust! Still it's all learning.
I have read that the DA path to healing often comes with some increase in anxiety while the avoidance decreases. This is also what I have observed with my own test results and experienced with my thoughts and emotions.
Earlier this year, this test resulted in around 55% secure, 30% DA and low rates of both others. After going through on therapy; I find myself feeling more ofmy feelings, and while feeling better on average as I feel joy more often, I also more often feel sad or lonely or scared. My actions are more courageous; speaking up for myself more, standing my ground, being more open. The actions I would not have taken in the past because I would not have sufficiently trusted others do result in stress, but in less stress than they would have last year. Hence I can actually take them and do feel stressed more often. I guess once I am more used to behaving differently and feeling more, I may become less fearful again.
Being able to take the risk to put some trust into a person who has not yet proven himself is a sign of good health (You trust your ability to recover from a hit to your ego, a punch in the stomach and a rip in the heart.) But can also result in temporarily being back in the emotional hospital for a round of healing. Honing intuition is as important as realising that even the best intuition will not keep you from errors of judgement 100%. Intuition is the first line of protection, common sense the second, and ability to recover the third.
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Post by ocarina on Aug 8, 2018 6:33:29 GMT
Interestingly I think until recently I was pretty much pure DA with very very little anxiety - until I allowed some kind of vulnerability - sadly with two consecutive partners who were not trusted and stable. The growth to feel was a big step, although perhaps it would have been best accompanied by some wisdom about the safety of trusting the untrustworthy, or people who hadn't gained my trust! Still it's all learning.
I have read that the DA path to healing often comes with some increase in anxiety while the avoidance decreases. This is also what I have observed with my own test results and experienced with my thoughts and emotions.
Earlier this year, this test resulted in around 55% secure, 30% DA and low rates of both others. After going through on therapy; I find myself feeling more ofmy feelings, and while feeling better on average as I feel joy more often, I also more often feel sad or lonely or scared. My actions are more courageous; speaking up for myself more, standing my ground, being more open. The actions I would not have taken in the past because I would not have sufficiently trusted others do result in stress, but in less stress than they would have last year. Hence I can actually take them and do feel stressed more often. I guess once I am more used to behaving differently and feeling more, I may become less fearful again.
Being able to take the risk to put some trust into a person who has not yet proven himself is a sign of good health (You trust your ability to recover from a hit to your ego, a punch in the stomach and a rip in the heart.) But can also result in temporarily being back in the emotional hospital for a round of healing. Honing intuition is as important as realising that even the best intuition will not keep you from errors of judgement 100%. Intuition is the first line of protection, common sense the second, and ability to recover the third.
That has been my experience - with regard to the risk taking, I have a tendency to think well of everyone and be possibly somewhat too accepting as a result. The relationships in which I felt the most emotional pain were really not available to me - and were not, in hindsight, wise choices. I knew this intuitively and chose to go against my better judgement because it felt so right - for right read passionate, romantic, perfect (LOL) ! I do trust my ability to recover - this is one of the great joys of getting older. |
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Post by brokenbiscuit on Aug 8, 2018 11:39:58 GMT
Secure 39% Disorganised 23% Anxious 19% Dismissive 19% Secure 19 Disorganised 11 Anxious 9 Avoidant 9 Well, this really does make me think I've always been more secure and just flared FA with my most recent ex. That's kind of the thinking for my results as well which are similar to yours Every single relationship I have been in I have been trusting and anxiety free. Very relaxed and lots of communication. There was a bit of avoidance and anxiety there but it was quite minimal and not all consuming at all In my last relationship the emotions were so overwhelming and the person involved such a complex AP type that it made me act in ways I never have before. My divorce was positively calm and stable compared to the recent issues I had with this most recent ex! That's not me trying to allocate blame, I think it's me knowing now I need to be with someone who is a lot more independent and stable minded. Her anxietys rubbed off on me in a big way and we amplified everything to the Nth degree. Mad but kind of intoxicating as well |
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Post by alexandra on Aug 10, 2018 3:36:34 GMT
Hey, that's exciting. Have I mentioned how much I hate the silent treatment??
Also would have been so curious about results a couple years ago! Or even last year.
Secure 18 (64.3%)
Avoidant/Dismissiv 1 (3.6%)
Ambivalent/Anxious 6 (21.4%)
Disorganized 3 (10.7%)
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Post by Deleted on Aug 10, 2018 3:43:26 GMT
Hey, that's exciting. Have I mentioned how much I hate the silent treatment?? Also would have been so curious about results a couple years ago! Or even last year. Secure 18 (64.3%) Avoidant/Dismissiv 1 (3.6%) Ambivalent/Anxious 6 (21.4%) Disorganized 3 (10.7%) i hate the silent treatment too! but then again, i hate all kinds of "treatments" lol! 🤣 |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2018 12:13:13 GMT
anne12 everyone's number varies wildly- we all answered the same amount of questions , this can't be right?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2018 12:20:29 GMT
That was the answer I´ve got from their office. But you can try to call them or write them an email. thank you 🌸 |
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Post by jacobsladder on Aug 15, 2018 13:06:10 GMT
Secure 12 (27.7%)
Anxious 12 (27.3%)
Dismissive 9 (20%)
Disorganized 11 (25%)
🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2018 13:23:27 GMT
Secure 12 (27.7%) Anxious 12 (27.3%) Dismissive 9 (20%) Disorganized 11 (25%) 🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️ spreading it around, like brokenbiscuit! how are you doing jacobsladder? was going to ask- if you feel like sharing maybe we can hop to the other thread. if not, totally understand and wish you a good day! |
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Post by lilyg on Aug 17, 2018 7:24:11 GMT
Secure 22 (75,9%) Avoidant/Dismissive 3 (10,3%) Ambivalent/Anxious 2 (6,9%) Disorganized 2 (6,9%) Sounds about right, but i wonder why some have more numbers than I do? Is it because I answered some as 'sometimes'?  Edit: nevermind, I read anne12 's response to this. Thanks! |
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Edit: nevermind, I read