DA and FA?

DA and FA? Jan 19, 2019 0:05:11 GMT

Quote

Post by happyidiot on Jan 19, 2019 0:05:11 GMT

Jan 17, 2019 15:33:46 GMT @mickey said:

Jan 16, 2019 22:09:15 GMT happyidiot said:

stayhappy

That makes sense. I think you are right that FAs tend to be more inconsistent than DAs. As to whether coming back is a hallmark of FA only, I don't think so. I know one particular DA who definitely goes back to his exes. He can break up with someone for years and then go back to them (and get back into an actual relationship). I have dated DAs (who I am sure are not actually FA) who have come back, although those were situations where they didn't consider us in a serious relationship and so we hadn't had some big breakup. So based on the people I know, I don't agree with @mickey that DAs only come back as friends.

As I said, I don't speak for all DA's.
Here you are giving an example of one DA you know that goes back to exes after years and gets into a relationship.

The others, you're saying were casually involved and the matter of serious relationship isn't in the equation.

I reiterate, I'm speaking from my experience and from what I observe. This board has several posters trying to rekindle relationships of some kind with DA's who don't seem to want more than casual or a friendship, based on their words and actions. That rings true, to me.

Every situation is different, but the prevailing AP perspective seems to be that there is potential for reconciliation to a serious relationship without clear indicators that this is true. That is a factor in the discussion as well, I think.

I know you put that caveat at the bottom, that you are just speaking from your experience, I was just pointing out that I know people who don't fit with that. People are using it as a way to decide if someone is DA or FA, and I don't think that someone coming back (or appearing to come back) is confirmation that they are FA as opposed to DA. That's my main point. I did also think of another DA I know who came back to his ex (and got into a committed lasting relationship with her), although he seems way more secure since he returned to her, so maybe he did some personal growth. I do think it's a mistake for APs (or anyone) to live in a fantasy that the avoidant person they are pining for is going to return and be a suitable partner for them. Best to realize that whatever someone's reasons for not wanting to be with you what matters is that they don't and to move on.

Edited to add: Also I think that in some cases when a DA comes back they may just have never really viewed you as being in a serious relationship and are just coming back as a friend or a "friend with benefits," so that's something to watch out for rather than thinking because someone is contacting/seeing you it means they are interested in pursuing a real relationship/connection. Communication is key because the other person may think this is understood.

Post by happyidiot on Jan 19, 2019 0:05:11 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2019 1:45:33 GMT