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Post by tnr9 on Mar 27, 2019 22:32:33 GMT
Today I noticed that my friends page is in alphabetical and so is B’s. This is really huge (and a little scary)...I will no longer know who his top people are (not that that really meant anything,..but it certainly did to me) and I will no longer be able to swirl about how many places lower I am on his list...just owning it. I think this is a really good and necessary change for anyone like me who tends to read into things that honestly have no meaning. Now I just have to deal with the fear that comes with “not knowing what I honestly did not before”.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2019 4:21:08 GMT
Why don't you have a go a deleting FB.
My ex partner lived with me for 15mth and we were never social media friends. He knows it would have caused problems because he does have a tendency to be in contact with lots of females on line.
This is one of the reasons I want to find the strength to never take him back if he tries to circle as I find his behaviour very disrespectful to me.
Felt like he was storing women on the back boiler for when we broke up.
In fact he did take up with one of his on line female friends last time we split up for two MTHS..
I hope we both find the strength to heal and move on as I can't bare feeling like this any longer.
Seriously think about come of those sites if very freeing.
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 28, 2019 10:24:49 GMT
It is freeing to dump social media @seabreeze Ive been gone well over 6 months now. I'll bring them back this summer to keep up with a hobby I enjoy, I'll miss many events if Im not on social media.
Part was him and part my business has grown fast and I can barley keep up with business social media!
I take the out of sight out of mind approach to move on. I do not want to see what he is doing in any way so I delete or mute them. Seeing their life without me will just put me in my feels. I dont want to go down the blackhole of Facebook feels as I call it! LOL
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 28, 2019 11:41:52 GMT
It really isn’t out of sight, out of mind for me....and deleting social media or muting B won’t address the underlying issue. Plus...I know me...I would cyber stalk...because it would feel like a hit of connection and the absolute worst feeling for me is feeling disconnected from him. Honestly, I view it almost like having a parent disappear...it is truly that painful. So I am very grateful that FB has made a change that makes it less possible for me to swirl on my position versus other girls.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2019 14:55:03 GMT
It is freeing to dump social media @seabreeze Ive been gone well over 6 months now. I'll bring them back this summer to keep up with a hobby I enjoy, I'll miss many events if Im not on social media. Part was him and part my business has grown fast and I can barley keep up with business social media! I take the out of sight out of mind approach to move on. I do not want to see what he is doing in any way so I delete or mute them. Seeing their life without me will just put me in my feels. I dont want to go down the blackhole of Facebook feels as I call it! LOL I'm with you on this one. And I get how it can be handy to be on social media for certain things but the downside far outweighs and good for me. Already feeling abandoned and rejected why the hell would I torture myself even more by wanting to see what he's getting up too. It's all fake anyway, he is two completely different people from the one the public see to the person I was living with, but I know I would get sucked into fantasy thinking if I was to followed him. I actually prefer the real him than the fake on line one. 8675309 hope you don't mind me asking but how's long has yours been gone and how many times have to circled. PM me if you prefer. I'm still missing my ex but being far more realistic how any healthy future we might have. It almost feel impossible for an FA to commit to anything long term. My ex is extremely impulsive and lives full of regrets. |
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 28, 2019 17:20:25 GMT
@seabreeze Probably about 20 times in the past 1.5 years. He still circling trying for sex. We are just friends now. He is being selfish trying to get what he wants when we don’t want the same things. Well he may under his attachment but he does not want to change it so he’s been cut off romantically. He can’t meet my needs for consistent communication or spending time at least once a week.
And my consistent communication is as simple as answering me when I text, even to say I’m in my thing right now I need space... (we openly talked about this, even if he does not understand his feelings, just say I’m in my sh@t right now and I’ll give him time) and at least say hello daily. A kiss emoji to each other is good with meI don’t need to talk all day everyday... Heck I barely text him, we are both busy and he will still avoids me like I text too much/chasing.
We get along well and have things in common so I just talk to him like a friend. I miss the good parts of him but I don’t miss him and the BS that comes with any intamacy with us.
Sorry, we jacked your thread a bit! 😁
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2019 18:23:10 GMT
Yes sorry to go of thread.
I'm just emotional today.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2019 18:24:09 GMT
@seabreeze Probably about 20 times in the past 1.5 years. He still circling trying for sex. We are just friends now. He is being selfish trying to get what he wants when we don’t want the same things. Well he may under his attachment but he does not want to change it so he’s been cut off romantically. He can’t meet my needs for consistent communication or spending time at least once a week. And my consistent communication is as simple as answering me when I text, even to say I’m in my thing right now I need space... (we openly talked about this, even if he does not understand his feelings, just say I’m in my sh@t right now and I’ll give him time) and at least say hello daily. A kiss emoji to each other is good with meI don’t need to talk all day everyday... Heck I barely text him, we are both busy and he will still avoids me like I text too much/chasing. We get along well and have things in common so I just talk to him like a friend. I miss the good parts of him but I don’t miss him and the BS that comes with any intamacy with us. Sorry, we jacked your thread a bit! 😁 What was the longest you were apart. Have you ever gone no contact. Probably should start a new thread. |
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hola
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Post by hola on Mar 28, 2019 18:29:28 GMT
I'm still friends w/my ex FA on FB but I won't go in there for several days. He rarely posts anything anyway, he only posts of his daughter and work related. Two and a half weeks after going NC w/my ex FA, He posted a pic of a beer in a restaurant and said "Cheers to the weekend...in great company". I know that was directed at me, trying to get me jealous like he's w/someone else (maybe he is, who knows). He was trying to get me to do some type of protest behavior, to call/text him, initiate an argument and break NC. Well I didn't see it til like 2 days later, I reacted for a second internally but I knew what he was doing, I didn't post, call, text or anything. Didn't react. Crickets.
He's used to that type of reaction from women so I guess he thought I'd be the same. Hasn't posted anything since then. At least that I know of cuz I go days without getting on FB.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2019 18:57:30 GMT
I'm still friends w/my ex FA on FB but I won't go in there for several days. He rarely posts anything anyway, he only posts of his daughter and work related. Two and a half weeks after going NC w/my ex FA, He posted a pic of a beer in a restaurant and said "Cheers to the weekend...in great company". I know that was directed at me, trying to get me jealous like he's w/someone else (maybe he is, who knows). He was trying to get me to do some type of protest behavior, to call/text him, initiate an argument and break NC. Well I didn't see it til like 2 days later, I reacted for a second internally but I knew what he was doing, I didn't post, call, text or anything. Didn't react. Crickets. He's used to that type of reaction from women so I guess he thought I'd be the same. Hasn't posted anything since then. At least that I know of cuz I go days without getting on FB. [ I'm so glad now that we were never FB friends and he has blocked his Instagram. I just couldn't cope hearing anything or seeing anything. He does use social media to put on a fake persona. Honestly if you just went by his Instagram account you would think it was the same person. Have you broken up much in the past. What is the pattern with your FA |
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hola
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Post by hola on Mar 28, 2019 18:58:52 GMT
Forgot to add: I'd been getting to know my ex FA for 15 months and this is the first time we go NC. Before this we talked everyday. Let's see if he circles around
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hola
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Post by hola on Mar 28, 2019 19:09:11 GMT
Since I'm also avoidant I don't need a lot of contact so we'd exercise together and have lunch or dinner, ( seeing each other anywhere to 1 to 4 times a week, I didn't meet his family and we didn't spend holidays together), we were intimate twice in all that time so no sex. He always kept me at arm's length. But he was very good at keeping contact w/me over the phone. We'd talk several times a day, he always called back or texted. Around two months before going NC, he told me we needed to have the talk and I agreed. But of course, never actually happened. when I pressed, I got protest behaviors until I got frustrated and started pulling away from him a bit. I didn't confront him, just started going back into my shell (I'm a cancer). He called me asking what was wrong and when I told him, he said we'd talk the next day. Next day comes around and he has to pick up his daughter, another excuse. I just said OK, let it go, and the next day he texted good morning, I did the same and we haven't talked since :-(
Not sure if he'll contact me again. We'll see
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 28, 2019 19:20:13 GMT
@seabreeze 3 months, I go no contact every single time. He does the reaching out. I’ve reached out once after a few weeks. I’m still ‘no contact ‘ , I don’t reach out, while friends I don’t try to talk or hang out.
I just go live my life, I don’t look at his social media, nada.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2019 2:57:30 GMT
@seabreeze 3 months, I go no contact every single time. He does the reaching out. I’ve reached out once after a few weeks. I’m still ‘no contact ‘ , I don’t reach out, while friends I don’t try to talk or hang out. I just go live my life, I don’t look at his social media, nada. Gosh that is quite a long time with no contact. How does he go about initiating his return. |
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Post by 8675309 on Mar 29, 2019 3:17:09 GMT
He just comes back like he never left and starts texting/chasing. Some of his come backs we never saw each other, I dont go running back, pfft, you left, this is not lets carry on like nothing happened. Took some time for me to see him again.
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