Showing emotions when avoidants drink

Yes. My ex DA told me he never loses control, even when drinking, however, I’ve seen him loosen up some and def have his guard lower when drinking. Physically he’ll even be more affectionate and hold me like he used to. I prefer him drinking!!!
To add to that- also less resistance when sleeping. He once put his arms around me and told me in his sleep “I need you.” Granted that’s when we were together and he said I love you all the time, but he didn’t usually say that and he had no memory of it the next day.

@8765309 - Maybe the secret is keeping them drunk. Ha Ugh I shouldn’t be joking the way I feel but couldn’t resist. The DA is so ready to close shop and bolt.

No...I din’t recommend that...drunk also means sharing things you may not want to hear.

My partner gets really lovely when he drinks, and even if he shows often love, when he drinks he sometimes shares a lot of love! But sometimes he does share me things that bother him and vice-versa!

I just wanted some input from you all, as I feel this is a safe space. It is a bit related to drinking, as I guess everything started with a drunken fight.

Sometimes I get a bit upset at things me partner does and it ends up being a fight that shouldn't. I sometimes just accept the blame and move on (and sometimes I can see it's my fault), but it has come to a place that I'm always the one to blame, and I honestly don't know what to do. Of course I think: I prefer to let go and talk things later, but when he gets mad it's just hard to stop him. It's getting better, but I honestly would like to manage things. I feel like a crazy person sometimes, like it's all my fault.

Last week, for example, we were out with a friend of his. We were enjoying some drinks and left to grab something to eat. Now, my parter walks really fast, and I'm very short and walk slower. So sometimes he slows down and sometimes I try to keep the pace up, whatever. We joke around this (mainly him calling me funny names and me fake-running). All fine. But when we are with someone else he just sprints off and walks really fast. I don't mind as I think he does not notice doing it. So that day his friend ask him ('but what do you do when she's walking slower?') And he said 'well, she should walk faster', and started walking faster. Now, I was close to them but at the back, not engaging in the conversation (as I had trouble keeping peace because of my short legs haha), and I got upset. I don't know, I guess I felt he was dismissive at my expense to a friend who was, I think, trying to tell him in a nice way to wait a bit. You could see on my face that I was upset when we were walking for a minute or two, but I let it go for the sake of his friend and to enjoy the meal. Honestly, I've said things that upset him too before, so I get it, no biggie. Of course he got super angry at me telling me it's a joke and that I was acting like a child and that I ruin good days and to give him space in bed. I just... told him I was upset but tried to let it go, but that yes, sometimes I will get angry, just like he does. He did forgot about it later and everything was great again. I suppose I should have thought the best of him and dismissed it as a joke!

This is just an example I might delete... but I just find the things we fight about pretty stupid, and it saddens me that all the love we hold for each other and that all the great memories we make might me tainted by these things. I feel like I'm constantly fuck*** it up, and while I know I'm not perfect at all and I do sometimes f*ck up greatly, I feel things sometimes just escalate in a way that I never expected. I sometimes feel so down on myself, like I'm messing up something that's really, really important for me. He's lovely and normal afterwards... the thing I do not want is to sweep it under the rug if it's important. We have been talking about moving in together someday soon and he's been lovely and including me in all his family important events. I know he loves me very much and that he's trying all his best to be an amazing boyfriend and I think he is.

I'm trying to apologise when I know I should and even if it's not that clear to me what I did, because I know I hurted him in some way. But I stand my ground when I think it's just too much, and I tell him to drop it. Almost nothing is worth fighting for. I've also thought in stopping drinking altogether, but this has happened when I've had a couple of drinks (or none at all) and I'm very capable of interacting normally (he even once was adamant that I had drank before meeting him). Maybe it's just DA-FA/AP. Maybe we have strong tempers (even if I think I'm gentle with him... maybe I'm really not) or I'm just a jerk sometimes.

I don't know, lovely people in this forum, if you have any similar experience? How did you manage? I'd love to do as much as I can to deal it as secure as I can (which I guess it's sometimes at the middle).

I actually enjoyed my ex when he was relaxing with a drink.
It appeared a time when he let go of self.
The trouble is he always woke up beating himself up about drinking to much and needing to change but never did anything to change.
We would sing and dance and have lots of fun.
There we're a couple of occasions when I got very upset whilst drinking gin and he couldn't cope and would leave me.
I have major regrets over my behaviour as drink is at the root of us breaking up.

I never got drunk until I met my DA. I forced myself to drink socially when I entered the dating scene after my divorce and then again with my ex DA bc he liked his beer- although he has a high tolerance and never acted drunk. I grew to enjoy drinking with him bc I was much more relaxed and we had fun together. That’s when things were good- at the end of our relationship when he was pulling away and I was anxious I noticed my negative feelings and emotions were magnified and made worse by drinking. I got upset more easily. Said things I normally wouldn’t have said, so drinking became less fun at the end as our relationship was coming to a stop. I guess everything became less fun at that point.