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Post by tnr9 on Dec 6, 2020 11:16:16 GMT
I’m also diagnosed ADHD, but now can go weeks without medication. I’ve reduced my doses and when I ran out of medication, I was not in a hurry to refill it. I believe my trauma developed the ADHD, as I don’t remember having ADHD symptoms as a young child. Dr Gabor Mate has a book called scattered minds drgabormate.com/book/scattered-minds/ |
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Post by anne12 on Dec 6, 2020 12:34:43 GMT
annieb Have you given up ? jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/1907/givenI do not know if this is relevant but your select of partner lives in the social nerveussystem (parasympathetic ventral). If you are neurodivergent your social engagement system is wired differently. I dont know if this has an impact on you ?
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Post by annieb on Dec 6, 2020 15:19:44 GMT
Thank you both for the valuable reading material!
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Post by annieb on Dec 7, 2020 16:39:15 GMT
I’m also diagnosed ADHD, but now can go weeks without medication. I’ve reduced my doses and when I ran out of medication, I was not in a hurry to refill it. I believe my trauma developed the ADHD, as I don’t remember having ADHD symptoms as a young child. Dr Gabor Mate has a book called scattered minds drgabormate.com/book/scattered-minds/Thank you for this! This theory is very interesting and I will order and read the book and share with my therapist. It’s been my experience that by healing my trauma I am healing my ADHD, which has been a double blessing. |
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Post by annieb on Dec 7, 2020 16:47:38 GMT
annieb Have you given up ? jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/1907/givenI do not know if this is relevant but your select of partner lives in the social nerveussystem (parasympathetic ventral). If you are neurodivergent your social engagement system is wired differently. I dont know if this has an impact on you ? These are really cool things! I will read and explore. I like the term neurodivergent; my best work colleague is autistic and we get along swimmingly. I never really thought about the this in a positive light or that it impacts my relationships. But this one relationship I have with her is certainly of great value to me. I think in some ways I have given up, but only in ways that I have given up the ridiculous notion that a partner can validate me. Or that they should. I spent all of my romantic relationships (several boyfriends over the past 20 years) looking for that validation in them and then of course got spectacularly invalidated instead. Or negatively validated rather. I’ve given that up and the only thing I worry about if I do get into another romantic relationship that I will repeat those motions again by habit. But my therapist says that I will not. |
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Post by alexandra on Dec 7, 2020 18:08:18 GMT
I’ve given that up and the only thing I worry about if I do get into another romantic relationship that I will repeat those motions again by habit. But my therapist says that I will not. I agree with your therapist! If you've been able to develop self-validation abilities and your boundaries are shifting to be healthier through the work you've done reconditioning yourself, you both won't just abandon those new perspectives in a relationship and you'll be more attracted to healthier and less avoidant partners who won't trigger it as badly either. You won't mesh as well with extremely avoidant ones like before because you won't be as okay and permissive about tolerating lack of emotional availability, and the connection will feel off to both of you. |
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Post by maryisback on Dec 8, 2020 2:37:33 GMT
"Put another way....insecure attachment is a toolbox without the right tools...learned at a very young age."
I love this. It is so true.
I gave gained some tools over the years but it's a miniscule amount really.
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Post by blacksnow2 on Dec 26, 2020 1:37:27 GMT
Everyone is different, I don't think it matters whether I did these things or not (I didn't).
But I'm not surprised by it. Anyone who is FA has been traumatized a lot (CPTSD, BPD, etc. overlap with being FA, I'd say they're part of the same 'spectrum'), the way they deal with it is very individualized. So this is... "normal" if you will.
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