How would you recognize FA during the dating phase?(input)

I'm not in people pleaser mode, just hoping to be reading the written well and not responding in a way that is off the mark. It's difficult to know where people are at in print, so I tend to express carefully to make my meaning clear. For all I know, you might feel condescended to by my post and I take that into consideration. Is that what you mean?

I don't know if people pleasing is the right slant, although I understand what you're saying. What I have learned about more recently is the HSP trait of emotional sensitivity, and the increased activity of mirror neurons in those who have the trait. I have always noticed an extra burden inside myself with intense emotions in those around me, but didn't understand what it was. I'm certain that during my life this intensity has contributed to avoidance. However over time Ive been able to be more present to emotion, and I tend to be encouraging especially in situations where I can empathize and have something useful to share. I do notice this in you as well, but would only term it people pleasing if you tend to put yourself in emotionally or otherwise unsafe places in order to tend to the emotions of others. HSP's can have trouble identifying needs and have a tendency to self sacrifice, which I have noticed is a problem in my relationship which I am now addressing with my partner. I didn't protect my need to have alone time, and have tended to avoid conflict until I just can't because I'm overwhelmed. All insecure types have that issue as well, mine seems to present a little differently with HSP and partially because of shame I grew up with about HSP, it's so flipping complicated. Ha.

I am still working through understanding HSP, it's been mind blowing. Apparently there are degrees of HSP and not all present with all kind of sensitivity, referring to each of the physical senses. I have them all, and wonder if it contributes to the depth of emotional processing. They all go together due to measurable differences in the brain, it's fascinating. Have you any familiarity with the research on that? Do you have the HSP trait?

www.expansiveheart.com/highly-sensitive-person

Having just ended an emotional rollercoaster - I have this relatively fresh in my mind.
The red flags are just things you shouldn't accept in a potential mate period, these set of them happen to be what Avoidants do. Not that they are horrible people; and there are levels of Avoidant too of course.. but from my perspective the worst possible trait in a relationship is pulling away and inability to build intimacy. I guess there is a limit somewhere where a tiny bit of avoidance would be ok, but in my opinion if its that small, you wouldn't notice it anyways.

Mine was from Childhood Emotional Neglect - she gets angry, defensive, stonewalls, gaslights and projects.. plus the avoidance
In her case she's unconsciously making everyone else go through what she went through as a child be controlling the interaction and making you pay attention to her.

1. Not talking on the phone in the beginning but relying on texting
2. Saying I love you quickly - maybe even through text
3. Not being able to meet up like a normal person would, you have their interest, but you cant convince them to meet up (its shyness and being afraid of rejection)
4. Love Bombing once you do end up meeting - its all too magical and you think "This is the one"
5. They tell you they aren't "normal"
6. High sensitivity and random withdrawing due to taking something you say the wrong way..
7. Incomplete sentence or abbreviated texts...if they cant get into a text back and forth with you, and cant do a complete sentence unless they are angry, they also take forever to reply to texts
8. Grammar/Pronunciation Nazi
9. Everything as far as relationship activities is always "In the future" not the present
10. They dont say WE hardly ever
11. Dont want to meet your parents or friends
12. You feel like they are in a hurry to leave randomly when you hang out.